<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Break the Rules by hopelessopus</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24384004">Break the Rules</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessopus/pseuds/hopelessopus'>hopelessopus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eventual Smut, F/M, dark?, first fic in years pls be nice, i mean it's a hg fic so, idk where this is going yet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:02:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>56,932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24384004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessopus/pseuds/hopelessopus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
<em>"And oh, how our hearts hold wonder</em><br/>
<em>Oh, how they roll like thunder</em><br/>
<em>Oh, is it right to break the rules?"</em>
</p><p>The rules had changed, yet still she had come out alone. All she had tried to do was save them both, but those toxic berries had been more dangerous than she ever could have known. </p><p>Katniss Everdeen had watched Peeta Mellark die in her arms. Now all she could see was blood. All she could hear were threats that she'd better not mess up again. </p><p>He had broken the rules once, too, and he'd been paying for it since. </p><p>At first, Finnick Odair only saw her as someone he could help. But maybe she could help him, too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katniss Everdeen/Finnick Odair</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>182</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <em>Katniss</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Smile, sweetheart.”</p><p><br/>
Haymitch wasn’t drunk yet, but he would be soon enough. I had learned early on that it never took him long. It would certainly take him even less at a party.</p><p><br/>
My head throbbed with a headache that hadn’t stopped since I came out of the Arena four days ago. Or was it five? I hadn’t bothered keeping track of time. It seemed so unimportant. At least my outfit was comfortable enough, better than some of the things I’d worn. Cinna’s designs had certainly been worth it — I doubt I’d be standing here without them — but that didn’t change my opinion on heels. The ones I wore now weren’t bad, though. Not very high. But I wasn’t going for as striking of a look as I had been during my time leading up to the Games, according to Cinna. The dress I had on was a soft yellow that swayed around me in waves. Like a candle rather than an inferno. Still on fire, but not blazing. The paint on my face was similar. I looked a little more like myself, but smoothed out. Nothing flashy. A look fit for a lover. More specifically, a grieving lover.</p><p><br/>
I sucked in a breath as, somewhere above my head, Claudius Templesmith introduced me to the room.</p><p><br/>
“And now, ladies and gentlemen, the one you’ve all been waiting for! The underdog, the girl on fire, your Victor of the 74th annual Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen!”</p><p><br/>
The gathered crowd cheered. The room was done up in what had become my colors: yellow silk banners, strings of lights in reds and oranges, a huge cake in the shape of a flame with an arrow blazing through it. There weren’t that many people here, at least according to Haymitch. There would be a bigger, grander party at the end of my Victory Tour that would come in six months, held at Snow’s mansion rather than here in the ballroom of the Tribute Center. A room I hadn’t even known existed until I was brought to it. But the crowd still felt overwhelming.</p><p><br/>
With a small shove from Haymitch, I stepped into the room of cheering people. Hands reached out to touch me without reserve. My instinct was to shrink back, to swat them away. But I was already in trouble with Snow, and surely he was somewhere, watching. I had to learn to play along. So I kept the smile on my face as people congratulated me or told me how sorry they were for my loss. I didn’t think they were actually sorry, though. Not in the way they thought they were.</p><p><br/>
Luckily, much like my prep team, these people liked talking so much they never realized when I didn’t. Drinks made their way to my hand without my needing to fetch them. I tried delicious foods, but I still didn’t have the appetite to enjoy them. I was twirled around in various dances with various partners. Most of the people here were my top sponsors, and they loved making sure I knew that. I supposed in a way I owed my survival to them. But I couldn’t scrounge up any real appreciation when all they’d had to lose was money, not their life. I didn’t even want to be the one standing here. There was a list of people that should’ve walked out of that arena before me. They loved to visit me in my nightmares.</p><p><br/>
The party might’ve been going on for minutes or hours when a woman came up to me, immediately wrapping me in her arms. “Oh, Katniss, I’m so sorry for your loss!” She squeezed me tightly and the food I’d consumed threatened to spill over. The overly sweet smell of her perfume consumed my senses. I didn’t breathe until she finally pulled back, though she kept her hands on my arms. That’s when I saw her nails.</p><p><br/>
I’m not sure why they were the trigger. There was plenty of red in this room. But the shade, dark with a purple undertone, screamed of blood.</p><p><br/>
She kept talking, but I was no longer registering her words. My soft candlelight dress disappeared, in its place a black jacket, trousers that had been ripped at for other uses. Dirt covered my hands, my face. My hair was in its signature braid. I could not hear out of my left ear and dried blood still ringed it. My hands held a handful of berries that, if consumed, would kill me in minutes.</p><p><br/>
“They don’t have to have a winner,” I said, but only I could hear it. My hand held the dark fruit out to Peeta who looked at me in confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, and that’s when the final wolf mutt came pounding out of the forest.</p><p><br/>
I turned at the sound of it, saw it coming straight for me. In that moment, I knew it had been sent for me. Maybe it was from President Snow himself. But right before it could take the death blow to my throat, Peeta stepped in front of me, and it was him instead that the mutt sank its teeth into. I could feel the scream coming from deep in my gut, ready to rip through my throat. And I think, this time, the rest of the party would hear it, too.</p><p><br/>
“Whoa, there.”</p><p><br/>
A hand on my shoulder brought me back to the present, out of the blood stained memory of Peeta dying in my arms. Had I been falling?</p><p><br/>
My eyes were already on the Capitol woman’s face, so it was her reaction I saw first. A look of surprise, a real flush on her cheeks showing underneath the one painted on. A look of sudden desire in her eyes. When I turned to see who it was that had hold of me, I was met with golden hair and stunning green eyes. The face was vaguely familiar, but in my state, I couldn’t come up with a name.</p><p><br/>
“I think our Victor needs a break from all the dancing, don’t you?” The golden man didn’t wait for an answer. He used the hand on my shoulder to turn and guide me towards a secluded balcony I hadn’t noticed before. If I wasn’t on the edge of a full blown panic attack, I might’ve questioned him, demanded why he thought he could just drag me off. But somewhere, my brain registered that he was helping me. There was something about the way his hand rested on my shoulder. It was different from how I had been touched all night. I didn’t feel like an animal displayed for petting, an object to be drooled over. The touch was steady, protective, even. Dare I say, safe?</p><p><br/>
A breath of relief left my lungs as we stepped out into the night air, cool on my heated skin. I felt my senses start to come back as the panic ebbed, the last night of the Games floating away to a less present spot in my mind. Once we were safely out of the main room of the party, alone on the small balcony, the hand on my shoulder lifted. I clung to the railing, taking in a few deep breaths.</p><p><br/>
“Thank you,” I said, because I don’t know what would’ve happened if I’d been left in there. Actually, I’m pretty sure I would’ve started screaming, and I don’t know what Snow would do to me if that happened. The last thing the Capitol wanted was a mad Victor.</p><p><br/>
“You’re welcome.” The voice was smooth, but less performative than it had been with the Capitol woman. “You looked like you needed an escape. I’ve been in that position myself.”</p><p><br/>
I turned to look at him, and this time, with his face came his name. Finnick Odair. The District 4 Victor who was the youngest ever to win the games. The darling of the Capitol. </p><p><br/>
“What are you doing here?” I asked, then clarified, “At this party?” I hadn’t recalled seeing any other past Victors in attendance.</p><p><br/>
Finnick leaned against the railing casually. “I have business here later tonight. Figured I might as well busy myself with a party while I waited.” He shot me a dazzling smile. “And I just had to meet the girl everyone’s talking about.”</p><p><br/>
I frowned and turned back to the open air, looking out at the many tall buildings, the lights that never seemed to end. “I wish they weren’t," I mumbled. The sooner they stopped, the better. It would probably take at least a year, until they had a new shiny Victor to drool over. If I made it that long.</p><p><br/>
I felt Finnick’s eyes on me, but I didn’t meet his gaze. I was still thankful for his rescue, but I couldn’t deny that I was wary of him, too. I knew the rumors as well as anyone did. He was always seen in Capitol, always someone new on his arm. Never the same person twice. And he never stayed the night. <em>The golden playboy</em>, I heard him called on television.</p><p><br/>
How could he stand it? Stand them? He was a Victor, too. He had to know that they don’t really care. But maybe he didn’t, either. Maybe that was the point.</p><p><br/>
“Wanna get out of here?”</p><p><br/>
His words brought me out of my head and I turned to look at him with a brow raised. “Back to the party?” I’d rather jump off this balcony. “No, thank you. But please, don’t let me stop you,” I said, motioning inside with my arm. I’d like to stay out here and avoid it all for as long as I could.</p><p><br/>
Finnick chuckled. “No, I meant here. The party, the Tribute Center.”</p><p><br/>
“I can do that?” I still felt like the trapped Tribute I had come here as. “Where would we even go?”</p><p><br/>
He shrugged, still so casual. “I’m sure I can get us out. The party’s been going on long enough. They’ll be too drunk to notice your absence. I have an apartment here, it’s not far.”</p><p><br/>
“An apartment?” I tried, and failed, to keep the accusation out of my tone. “Why would you have an apartment in the Capitol?”</p><p><br/>
If Finnick cared one way or another about my quick judgement, he didn’t show it. “I’m here often enough for business. Just made sense. And certainly, I can afford it.”</p><p><br/>
Certainly he could. And now, I could, too.</p><p><br/>
I wasn’t sure how much to trust Finnick Odair, with his charming smiles, his Capitol apartment, the seemingly lack of disdain that he had for this place and its people. But he was a Victor, too. Someone born and raised in the Districts. <em>A Career District, though.</em></p><p><br/>
But his company couldn’t be worse than what was waiting for me back at the party. “All right, let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>Finnick had clearly been to the Tribute Center quite often since his Games. Which made sense, considering how long ago he won, how many years he’d been pulled back here as a mentor. He led us down hallways I hadn’t noticed or hadn’t been allowed in, pretty smiles and murmured words getting us through all the security checkpoints. Maybe there were some benefits to becoming an insider here.</p><p><br/>
I hadn’t seen him order one, but there was a car waiting for us by the time we exited. Finnick opened the back door, grinning. “Ladies first,” he said in just a slightly tipped Capitol accent.</p><p><br/>
I raised a brow. “Shouldn’t that be you, then? You’re the pretty one.” I climbed in before he could react, but I heard him laugh. A small, satisfied smile curled on my lips. I refused to let anyone see me only as a broken girl that needed rescuing.</p><p><br/>
The trip to his apartment took roughly five minutes. We stayed silent through the ride and the walk inside the building. As we took the elevator ride up to the top floor, I mused, “Top floor seems a little risky for a Victor.”</p><p><br/>
I knew without looking at him that he understood my grim meaning.</p><p><br/>
“Oh, there’s no need to worry about that.” Finnick’s voice was still casual, breezy, but there was an edge to it that hadn’t been there before. “They know I would never dare it.”</p><p><br/>
He didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t ask him to. Even away from the Tribute Center, I was wary of my tongue. I could say too much sometimes and was still working on filtering my thoughts before saying them. People always said I was quiet, but after taking out anything potentially rebellious, there wasn’t much left to say.</p><p><br/>
“Make yourself at home,” Finnick said as he unlocked the door to his apartment and swung it open. “I don’t often have guests.”</p><p><br/>
I wasn’t sure what to expect from Finnick’s Capitol apartment. I didn’t think it would be as glitzy as the people here are, but surely it would have some kind of flair to it. Something that told me this was the room of the most be loved Victor in Panem.</p><p>But it wasn’t this.</p><p>Sparse felt like too light of a word to describe the place. It was as if Finnick had been handed the keys and decided to do nothing more. The entryway revealed an open floor plan, which certainly didn’t help. My eyes went to the kitchen first. There was an island to eat at, but no stools. At the center was a woven basket that contained one apple and one banana, the latter being too browned to be useful beyond baking. There was a bread box, but no bread inside of it. I didn’t dare open the refrigerator.</p><p><br/>
The living room, which connected seamlessly to the kitchen, wasn’t much better. A light gray couch with an icy blue throw blanket lazily tossed over it. A small table next to it held a dying plant and a book someone was in the middle of reading. In the corner by the door was a coat rack I’d missed upon entering. That was about it. There was room for plenty more, of course. But Finnick hadn’t seemed to care to do more than what was here. Maybe this place really was just for quick business visits.</p><p><br/>
“I know, it’s lacking . . .” He trailed off.</p><p><br/>
“Everything?” I suggested.</p><p><br/>
“Personality,” he concluded, then motioned with his hand to a closed door. “Come, my room is a little better.”</p><p><br/>
It was much better. The bed took up most of the room and was swathed with bedding in various colors of blues and greens. I wanted to kick off my shoes and curl up on it, put the day far behind me. On the bedside table, there were frames with photos of Finnick and a younger woman, Finnick and a much older woman. One contained only the photo of a fluffy white dog that looked to be as big as a bear.</p><p><br/>
Laying in front of the frames was a worn piece of rope, not very long in length, but enough to make some simple knots. Ropes weren’t my specialty, but I’d watched Gale whiz snares out of them for years.</p><p><br/>
The rope felt out of place, but I didn’t question him on it. Something told me it was personal, and Finnick and I had just met.</p><p><br/>
“Better,” I said, turning to face him. “I might actually believe someone lives here.”</p><p><br/>
“Yes, well, I try not to be here often.” I didn’t miss the word try. So maybe Finnick wasn’t as pleased about his Capitol adventures as the cameras would make one believe.</p><p><br/>
“I couldn’t imagine coming here enough to need a place,” I said, my face twisted in disgust at the thought of coming to the Capitol on a regular basis. I realized I’d bypassed the filter again and quickly trained my face into one more neutral. “I just mean, I would miss home so much. Being away from my family.”</p><p><br/>
My nerves must have shown on my face because Finnick only smiled. “You can speak freely here, Katniss. The first thing I did when I got this place was get rid of any bugs. Just in this room, so it’s less suspicious. I check every time I return.”</p><p><br/>
I felt my shoulders relax. Ever since I returned from the Games, I had to be on my best behavior. Say only the right things. Head up, smile, grieve, be grateful, repeat. But if Finnick was being truthful, and I don’t know why he would lie, I could finally say what was on my mind without fear of the consequences.</p><p><br/>
I plopped down on the edge of Finnick’s bed. “Well, in that case, I’d rather get a place in Hell than in the Capitol.” The comment earned me a hearty chuckle from Finnick.</p><p><br/>
“That’s more like it,” he said, grinning down at me. At my confused look, he added, “The real Katniss Everdeen.”</p><p><br/>
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” I looked down, twisting a dainty gold chain around my wrist. “The real Katniss Everdeen died in the arena.” And this Katniss, apparently, was doomed to turn every conversation dark.</p><p><br/>
Finnick sat down beside me. “All of us lose a version of ourselves in the arena, Katniss,” he said in a gentle but firm tone. “But you’re still here. Which means the real you is here, too.”</p><p><br/>
I looked up at him under my painted lashes. I felt vulnerable in a way I didn’t allow around loved ones, let alone strangers. But it’d been so long since I’d been in my woods, the only place I felt comfortable enough to let my guard down, and even I could only hold it up for so long. “What if I can’t find her?”</p><p><br/>
Finnick’s smile was soft, and so was the hand that found mine. “You will, Katniss. I promise.” He studied me, concern pinching between his brows, but he only said, “It’s going to be hard for a while. But it’ll get better, especially once you get home. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Finnick</strong> </em>
</p><p>I was lying to her, but what else could I do? All night I had watched her. So many times she had transformed. At the beginning of the night, walking in with a smile and her head held high. The perfect mix of confidence and humility. She was not cocky like others I had seen. Like I had been. Maybe they would’ve chosen that route, had her story not ended in heartbreak. No. Katniss Everdeen could not walk in <em>too</em> confident. Because they would not love her if she brushed off Peeta’s death. And I didn’t think she wanted to, even if I didn’t think she loved him, either.</p><p><br/>
From the humble Victor, she became the grieving lover. Accepting embraces, even getting teary eyed at times. I don’t think she really knew how good of a performance she was putting on. Good enough for them, anyway. But I could see there was a whole other world happening in her head, that her body was going through the motions on autopilot. That was fine, as long as that inside world didn’t take over.</p><p><br/>
I saw the moment that it did.</p><p><br/>
I had promised myself just to observe. There was no denying I was intrigued by the Capitol’s latest Victor. So different from most, and not only because of her star crossed lovers plot. It was hard for all of us to focus on the Tributes we were supposed to be mentoring when Katniss seemed to demand attention. My Tributes died early on, so I had more time than others to watch her during the Games. I was somehow rooting for her and begging someone to kill her at the same time. For I just knew that Snow hated her. No Victor truly came out a winner, but the ones that ticked off Snow in the process? Death would’ve been less painful. We all agree.</p><p><br/>
So because I had watched her, and because I’d seen so many fellow Victors fall into the same state, I knew I had to do something. Get her out before she started screaming her head off. I was surprised she went so easily. I pegged her as the stubborn kind.</p><p><br/>
Some of that returned once she came back to herself. I saw in her next look that she’d put together who I was. Surely she’d been thinking of the many rumors that have spread about me. I couldn’t blame her. I could see on her face the little trust she had given me for getting her out of that room had sunk.</p><p><br/>
But I must’ve done something right between the journey from the party to my apartment from the way she was looking at me now, the raw fear in her question. This was not a side of herself she showed to everyone and I couldn’t place why she was showing me. Maybe it was more simple than I was making it out to be. At the end of the day, Katniss was still just a young woman, freshly eighteen, who had her life flipped upside down. Surely she was already having nightmares. And even more surely, Snow was breathing threats down her neck. Katniss Everdeen was scared.</p><p><br/>
And so I’d lied to her.</p><p><br/>
I couldn’t bear making things any harder for her at the moment. She would learn soon enough. Haymitch, always too blunt for anyone’s good, would tell her all the things they’d do to her, her loved ones. All of Snow’s cruel ways of maintaining his control. I hadn’t brought her here to scare her more, but rather, keep her from making things any worse. It was the role of a mentor, really, but I knew Haymitch was somewhere drunk off his ass by now.</p><p><br/>
I watched once again as Katniss transformed before my eyes. She sat straighter, took her hand from mine, blinked away tears before they could even dare to appear. “Right,” she said, her voice neutral in a way I knew was forced. Her wall was back up and she looked angry at herself for letting it slip. She took stock of where she was, looked me up and down, and stood. “Why did you bring me here?” On the defensive once again.</p><p><br/>
<em>She thinks you want to fuck her</em>, the dark voice in my head whispered before I could stop it. It’s what all women, and men, really, assumed when I got them alone. Most of the time, it was what they wanted. Maybe bringing her here, and especially into my bedroom, hadn’t been the right call.</p><p><br/>
I sighed tiredly. “I was just trying to help, Katniss.” All I wanted to do now was crawl into bed and sleep until the nightmares forced me awake, but I still had a client to see in . . . I glanced at the clock. Less than two hours. I’d have to get Katniss back soon. “I apologize if I made you uncomfortable.”</p><p><br/>
“You didn’t,” she said, but I didn’t believe her. She wasn’t looking at me. “I just don’t know why you care. You don’t owe me anything, you don’t even know me.”</p><p><br/>
“Because I know what it’s like, Katniss. You have no idea what comes after the arena.”</p><p><br/>
This got her attention. She looked at me with a mix of curiosity and something else, something close to both anger and fear. “What do you mean?”</p><p><br/>
Fuck. This wasn’t the time for this conversation. Some of her wounds needed to heal first. “Nothing. I just wanted to look out for you. I do it for all the new Victors.” That was a lie, unless they’d been my own Tribute. The others had mentors to look out for them. But maybe if she thought this was normal, something I did for everyone, she’d relax. Before she could reply, I stood. “I’m sorry, it was inappropriate to bring you here. Let’s get you back.”</p><p><br/>
Her body stiffened. “Do I have to?”</p><p><br/>
God, she looked so young in that pale yellow dress, the thought of the swirling party crowd sending her into another near panic. Mentally, I cursed Haymitch for leaving her on her own. I tried to soften my features for her benefit. “You don’t have to go back to the party. Let’s just get you to your room in the Tribute Center, yeah? That’s where they’ll expect you.”</p><p><br/>
I watched her exhale. Not fully relaxed, but not near as tense. “All right.”</p><p> </p><p>We made the silent trek back to the car I’d called. I always had a driver at the ready when I was in the Capitol. We drove back to the Tribute Center in silence.</p><p><br/>
“Would you like me to walk you in?” I asked when the car pulled in front of the building.</p><p><br/>
Katniss seemed to contemplate this, then shook her head. “No, I can make it. But . . . thank you. For helping.”</p><p><br/>
I smiled, because I could tell her thanks didn’t come easily. “You’re welcome.”</p><p><br/>
She started to get out, but I stopped her. I should just let her go. Katniss hadn’t exactly opened up, nor did she seem like she wanted to. But knowing Haymitch, I had to at least give her a way to reach me. He was a good man, but troubled. I didn’t know how much help he’d be to her back in 12, and I couldn’t in good conscience let her enter her new reality alone.</p><p><br/>
I asked my driver, an Avox named Renalde, for a pen and paper. He supplied it and I quickly wrote down my number, holding the paper out to her. “You’ll have a phone in your new home, if you didn’t before. Here’s my number. Call me if you need anything, okay?”</p><p><br/>
Katniss seemed hesitant to take it, but at last she did. “All right. Goodnight, Finnick.”</p><p><br/>
She closed the door and I watched her walk into the building. The guards, of course, recognized her and let her in. Everyone knew who she was now.</p><p><br/>
I sat back against the seat. As Renalde started the route back to my apartment, I realized that was the first time she’d said my name.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i was in my feels and just decided to say heck it and write this. no idea where it's going but i hope you'll join the journey!! katnick rights babey</p><p>p.s. i have not written fic in forever so i am very rusty, constructive criticism welcome but pls be nice i am baby</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>six months later, katniss prepares for her victory tour</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <em> Katniss </em> </strong>
</p>
<p>I didn’t call him, but I thought about it. </p>
<p>After the party, I replayed my meeting with Finnick Odair over and over. His intentions, whether I could trust him. I didn’t know the answer to the latter yet, but I decided he really only had been trying to help. But I had to put an end to that. There was already a list of people I could never repay. Rue, Thresh, Peeta. Finnick may not be dead, but what could I possibly do for him? I already owed him for helping me at the party. I didn’t need to ring up any more debt. </p>
<p>Yet, I slept with the scrap of paper he’d given me under my pillow. When I woke up from a nightmare, which was every night, I took it out and read the number over and over until I could breathe. It had become a comfort that I couldn’t explain. Luckily I didn’t have to, because I hadn’t told anyone about meeting Finnick. </p>
<p>I woke before the sun did on the morning of my Victory Tour. My family had stopped coming when they heard me screaming. I hoped by now they were able to sleep through it. </p>
<p>Without hesitation, my hand slipped under my pillow. I held the piece of paper as if it were as delicate as the snow falling outside. The edges had become soft with wear. My eyes traced the ink, the curves in his fives, the way he wrote a line through the seven. Under my breath, I said the digits out loud. It was an outlet, this number. A reminder that I wasn’t alone. </p>
<p>When my mind cleared, I slipped the paper back under my pillow and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. After an hour, I gave up on getting anymore sleep. I stood, crossed to my closed, and pulled on the first clothes my hands touched. It didn’t matter what I wore. Cinna and my prep team would be here later to redress me. The latter would likely have a heart attack when they saw the state I’d let myself fall into. Cinna, though, I was excited to see. He’d been the only person I actually used my phone for. Every Victor needed a skill, and Cinna had happily leant me his. </p>
<p>He had also sent me some of the warm outerwear I was pulling on. Lined boots, gloves that were warm but didn’t interfere with my bow. Buttercup, my sister’s ugly cat that she loved to death, hissed at me as I grabbed my game bag. “Hush,” I told him sharply. He turned with a grumbled meow, flicking his tail at me as he walked away. We had plenty to feed that dumb cat now, but he still got demanding at the sight of my bag, knowing the entails were his. </p>
<p>My feet tread lightly on the fresh snow, covering my tracks as I went along. I didn’t need to hunt for myself much anymore, but there was Gale’s family to consider. My stubborn best friend who refused any of the money I offered. But was friend still the right word after he kissed me? </p>
<p>It was the other thing on my mind as of late. The kiss had been unexpected, so fast I’d barely had time to react. </p>
<p>“Were you really in love with him?” Gale had asked right before he’d done it.</p>
<p>I had frowned and shook my head. “You know I didn’t.” I knew I cared for Peeta, but love him? It was too soon. Even now, I barely knew him. Could I have loved him one day, if we had both survived? That was another question that I refused to consider. </p>
<p>Gale’s kiss hadn’t been bad, necessarily. His lips had been warm and chapped from the dry winter air. His hand on my face had felt familiar. I knew his hands, at least. Strong and capable. Hands that, after years of surviving together, I trusted. But his lips were new and I didn’t yet know if I wanted to explore them further. </p>
<p>Even before the Games, I had made it clear I never wanted to get married. Never wanted kids. After the arena, I’m only more sure. Any partner or child I had would just be another weapon for Snow to use against me. He already had Prim, my mother, Gale and his family. I couldn’t give him another.</p>
<p>In the woods I fetched my bow and arrows out of their log, but for a while, I just sat on the rock where Gale and I always met. He wouldn’t be there that morning, I knew. He worked in the mines now and his only day off was Sunday. I was safe to linger in my thoughts alone.</p>
<p>I don’t know how long I sat, but I was still enough for a group of turkeys to wobble by. Normally, I’d get at least three down before the rest escaped. But I was only able to shoot one before my hands began to shake, the turkey becoming one of the Tributes, <em>one of the children</em>, that I killed in the arena. A while passed before I was able to regain my composure and retrieve the dead turkey. I moved through my morning faster then, stopping by the Hawthorne’s house to drop off the turkey and an envelope of money. Sneaking it to Hazelle, Gale’s mother, while he was out was the only way to get it to them. A trip around the Hob, spending coin freely, and one other to Haymitch’s for an icy water wakeup that he nearly killed me for and I was back home. </p>
<p>Immediately upon stepping inside, I knew something was wrong. The air was tense and the arrival of my mother with a tight smile on her face only confirmed it. </p>
<p>“How was your walk?” </p>
<p>I held back my instinct to correct her and instead played along. “Not bad. Some slippery parts out there.” When I looked past her, I saw two Peacekeepers waiting, a man and a woman. I raised my brow. “Has something happened?”</p>
<p>“Come with us, please,” the man said. It was an odd thing to hear from a stranger in your own home, but I didn’t dare resist. Acting suspicious would only lead to suspicion if it wasn’t already there. On the outside I was calm, but on the inside I feared I’d been caught. Had they seen me leave the woods and stop at Hazelle’s? Would Gale’s family face consequences for my actions? </p>
<p>But I had not been caught in the woods, for when they led me to the study — a room which we rarely used — it was not to reprimand or interrogate me. Rather, I had a visitor. For the first time in six months, President Snow’s snake eyes met mine. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was, at least, not a long meeting in actuality. In my mind, as Snow threatened everyone I loved with the smooth ease of someone that had done the same thing to others many times before, it was endless. At least he did not sugarcoat it. <em>If a girl from District Twelve can defy the Capitol and come out unharmed, what’s to stop others? What is to prevent, say, an uprising?</em> His voice rang through my mind crystal clear. The berries, Rue, all of it had been an act of defiance in his eye. An act of rebellion. I thought Peeta dying was punishment enough, but Snow seemed to make clear there was plenty more available. </p>
<p><em>By the way, I know about the kiss.</em> The whispered message had turned my blood cold. Another threat on top of the rest. I don’t think the President would care if I had a relationship with Gale. It’d been six months since my Games, I couldn’t be expected to mourn Peeta forever. No, it was just a reminder that he was watching me, even when I thought he wasn’t. He knew who I loved and he was happy to use them against me. </p>
<p>My breath came in sharp intakes. I was still sitting in the study, Snow long gone. My mother had come to check on me, but I waved her off, saying I needed a minute. My vision turned red. Purple berries stained my skin as my hand formed a fist. A silent scream vibrated through my throat. I watched the mutt sink its teeth into Peeta’s neck. Blood, so much blood. </p>
<p>The study was fairly sparse, containing only a desk, a few chairs, a lamp in the corner, and a book shelf stuffed with books that came with the house. On the desk was a phone and I grabbed it before I could stop myself. My fingers moved easily over the buttons as I dialed the number I had memorized but never called. It rang once, twice, three times. On the fourth, I was seconds away from hanging up before his groggy voice came over the line. My eyes darted to the window that indicated it was only just dawn here in 12. I hadn’t considered it was hours earlier for him. But he’d answered.</p>
<p>“Hello?” </p>
<p>My mouth opened, but I couldn’t find any words. Just my quick, panicked breathing. </p>
<p>I heard him clear his throat and try again, slightly impatient this time. “Hello, who’s this?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Say something, Katniss.</em>
</p>
<p>“Look, it’s five in the goddamn morning, if you think this is funny—”</p>
<p>“Finnick,” I finally managed. </p>
<p>There was a pause on his end and I wondered if maybe he didn’t recognize my voice. But then, “Katniss?” </p>
<p>I calmed the slightest bit. He didn’t sound irritated anymore. It took me another moment to get the words out, but he waited until I did. </p>
<p>“I need your help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong> <em> Finnick </em> </strong>
</p>
<p>I’d been dreaming of Annie when the phone rang. She was in the arena, alone and afraid. All I could do was watch through the screen. In a few minutes I would have to go. Undress for a woman for in exchange for her sponsorship. She was at least 20 years my senior and didn’t smell particularly good, but I’d do anything to keep Annie alive. I never managed it in my nightmares. That night, I watched the Careers slice her throat. </p>
<p>I jolted awake. My body was shaking and my throat felt raw, so I must’ve been screaming beyond just my subconscious self. I took in three things all at once. First, the photo on my bedside table. Annie, Mags, and myself all together, taken after her Games. A reminder she’d exited them alive. Second, my worn piece of rope. Normally by now I’d be reaching for it, ready to tie and untie until my mind calmed. But third, the unusual, kept me from grabbing it.</p>
<p>The phone was ringing. </p>
<p>As a popular Victor, that wasn’t unusual. I talked to friends often enough, Johanna mostly. It was also how I was informed when I was next expected in the Capitol. What was off was the time. The soft blue of the clock showed it was four fifty-three in the morning. </p>
<p>Rubbing the nightmare out of my eyes, I reached for the phone. “Hello?” </p>
<p>I was met with nothing but the sound of a person breathing. </p>
<p>“Hello, who’s there?” I tried again, starting to get irritated. The breathing persisted, which meant someone <em>was</em> there. The nightmare would have woken me regardless, but I was still annoyed.</p>
<p>“Look, it’s five in the goddamn morning, if you think this is funny—”</p>
<p> “Finnick.”</p>
<p>I paused, wondering if I was hearing right. It had been six months, after all. When weeks went by without a phone call, I figured I’d just made a bad impression. Or maybe she was handling things fine, even though I knew that wasn’t possible. Regardless, I’d given her the option, I couldn’t force her to ask for help if she didn’t want it. But why would she wait six months—</p>
<p>
  <em>Six months. The tour.</em>
</p>
<p>“Katniss?”</p>
<p>This time when she didn’t speak, I waited without pushing. I could tell by her tone that something was wrong. Even though we were on the phone and she couldn’t see me, I felt wrong being in nothing but my underwear, so I stood and pulled out my dressing robe. By the time she spoke again, I had it on.</p>
<p>“I need your help.” </p>
<p>I ran a hand through my bedraggled hair. This was exactly why I’d given her my number, of course. But now that she’d actually asked for it, I had no clue how to help her. She was miles away in District 12, what could I really do? </p>
<p>Sitting back down on my bed, I at least pretended to be calm. “What happened?”</p>
<p>She told me bits and pieces. There was more to it I could tell, but there was only so much she could say over the phone. Katniss was clearly smart enough to know that they were tapped. But if it was serious enough for her to break down and call me, I assumed Snow had threatened her family. The whole country had seen what she would do for them. But there was one point she stressed.</p>
<p>“I need to . . . distract people on my tour,” Katniss said carefully. “My Games were more upsetting than most, you know, with the whole Peeta thing.” <em>The attempt at forcing the Capitol’s hand into letting them both win.</em> She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to. I’d been a piece in Snow’s wicked games for years now and I knew how he operated. Something was wrong in the Districts. People must have grown a little too fond of the girl on fire. </p>
<p>Katniss let out a frustrated sigh. “But I leave today! I didn’t even know if I should tell you, or anybody, but my family—” She cut herself off, clearly afraid to say anything more. By how thin her voice had gotten, it sounded like she was about to cry. “I don’t know what to do, Finnick,” she whispered. </p>
<p>Of course she wouldn’t. She was still so new to this world. But I wasn’t. </p>
<p>“Katniss, I think I have an idea.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>finnick king of ideas</p>
<p>if you can, please donate to george floyd's memorial fund (https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd?utm_source=twitter&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_campaign=m_pd+share-sheet) and/or the minnesota freedom fund (https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/) #blacklivesmatter</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No.” </em>
</p>
<p>It was the first word out of my mouth when Finnick told me his idea. I couldn’t do it, not again. Pretending to be someone’s lover just to keep myself alive. <em>Not just your life this time,</em> an irritating voice in my head reminded me. <em>Prim. Your mother. Gale.</em></p>
<p>“People know me, Katniss. The Capitol, the Districts. You came to my apartment without me even introducing myself.”</p>
<p>Just like the voice in my head, he was right. I needed a distraction, something to take the focus off of me and everything I did in the Games. Finnick could be that. His presence would not go unnoticed. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” Finnick continued, not waiting for me to speak. “I get it, it’s not ideal. It’s being used romantically, again. But Katniss, I think it comes down to the fact that people in the Districts like you a little too much.” He paused, sighing. “But I promise you they don’t like me.”</p>
<p>I let that sink in for a moment, thinking about the way the Capitol has presented Finnick Odair to us throughout the years. The golden Victor, darling of the Capitol, notorious for his string of Capitol lovers. No, the people in the Districts would not like him. And if they saw me with him, maybe they wouldn’t like me anymore, either. </p>
<p>Silence lingered as I worked through it all, Finnick waiting patiently. Finally, I let out a shaky breath. “How would it even work? It’s not like they’re just going to let you join me for my Tour.” Unless he had some kind of special privileges for being the Capitol’s pet. </p>
<p>I winced at my own thoughts. <em>Way to be an ass to someone going out of their way to help you, Katniss.</em></p>
<p>“That’s something for me to handle. I can’t guarantee it’ll be a yes, but I can try. That is, if you want me to.”</p>
<p>Again I let silence stretch between us. Back and forth I paced in the small study, gnawing on my lower lip. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to be paraded around as someone’s false lover again. I didn’t want more forced kisses and hand holding. I just wanted to put the Games behind me and move on with my life. But that would never happen, and I’d been foolish to think it would. Even after this Tour, I’ll have to be a mentor. Every year I’ll be brought back for a front row seat to more death and bloodshed. There was no more salvaging my life. Between the nightmares and the mentoring, it was never going to get any better. All I had left was to keep my family safe. </p>
<p>“Okay,” I said finally.</p>
<p>Finnick hesitated. “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“I have to be,” I said, sighing. “There’s no other choice.”</p>
<p>Finnick didn’t try to comfort me with sugary lies like <em>there’s always a choice.</em> We both knew the truth. Instead, he told me he’d talk to me soon, a sad note in his voice. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soon enough, Effie, my prep team, and Cinna arrived to get me ready. As I predicted, my prep team chattered on without me having to say much, except for a few apologies for things like the state of my nails. My mind replayed the conversation with Snow, then Finnick, over and over. I couldn’t even enjoy my time with Cinna. If he noticed something was wrong, he didn’t ask about it. I contemplated pulling him outside and telling him what had happened, but what would that accomplish? He was in no position to help me, it would only worry him. This, I reasoned, was the same reason I didn’t tell my mother, either, though she had to suspect something was awry. I had told her Snow’s visit was very normal, that he visited every Victor before their tour. A flimsy lie, but she hadn’t fought me on it. </p>
<p>All the while I was made pretty again, I kept my ears alert for the sound of the phone ringing. I would hope that Finnick would be in touch before I had to get on the train, because how else would he reach me? But as the hours went by, my hope faltered. When Effie’s voice shrilled out that we had five minutes until go time, I stopped listening for the chirping of the phone. Maybe when I got to Eleven, he’d be waiting for me. </p>
<p>“Smile, Katniss, smile!” Effie’s voice rang out cheerily. A moment later, I was sent out into the snow. There was a small camera crew waiting for me. A brief interview with Caesar Flickerman to blast out to all of Panem, reminding them my tour started today. Each stop would be televised, lest anyone forget about the Hunger Games. I tried to sound happy as I spoke, rather than someone worried she’d come home to her loved ones dead. I don’t think I really breathed until I was on the train. </p>
<p>That night, I didn’t sleep. In addition to Snow’s warnings playing in my head, the thought of seeing Rue’s family left me nauseous. We still arrived in Eleven much too soon for my liking. Despite not being jazzed about his idea, I found myself praying that Finnick would be waiting here for me. I didn’t want to do this alone. But as I readied for the day and forced some breakfast in my stomach as Effie handed me a card with a script, I knew alone is exactly what I’d be. I didn’t bother asking about him. His absence was proof enough, and I’d never told anyone that I had even met Finnick. How silly would I look asking if he was here, for he was to be my new fake lover?</p>
<p>There was no time, anyway, because Effie was already trilling about that we were to get a move on. A carriage took us from the train to Eleven’s Justice Building and then I was led to the stage, trying to keep my hands from shaking. <em>Just read the card, Katniss.</em> I didn’t know if they did this for every Victor or if Haymitch didn’t trust me with my own words and asked Effie to write something, but I was thankful for it regardless. Even to myself, I sounded monotone as I began to read Effie’s words. My voice was devoid of the passion I’d shown in the Games, but an unhappy Victor wasn’t what Snow wanted, either. I rushed through the rest of the card, needing to get off the stage. I thanked the crowd and there, I was done, it was over. It was, anyway, until my eyes finally looked up and caught on Rue’s family. A taller woman that must be her mother. Five little ones, all so small, all that must be younger than Rue was. Pain ripped through me at the sight of them, so small and birdlike, just like their sister. Their dead sister, who I hadn’t protected, and who I hadn’t said a single personal word about. </p>
<p>Before I could stop them, off-script words dipped in pain and apologies tumbled out of my mouth. I would get a lecture for it I was sure, but I needed to speak them as much as I had needed to cover Rue in flowers. Tears welled in my eyes, but I felt calmer as I finished, </p>
<p>Until an older man stepped forward with his hand raised in the three finger salute and everything turned to chaos. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In my nightmares that night, I saw District Eleven. I watched the man raise his hand, watched the Peacekeepers drag him out of the crowd, watched them put the gun to his head and pull the trigger. In reality, that was all my eyes saw that day. They hauled me out after that, skipping the dinner we were supposed to have at the Mayor’s house. But in my nightmare, I saw others fall to the same fate. Thresh’s family, Rue’s. Innocent after innocent life taken. For all I knew, it really happened. </p>
<p>When I woke up screaming, my hand automatically reached under my pillow, but of course, the piece of paper with Finnick’s number wasn’t there. Just like he wasn’t. Fueled by pain and anger, I sent a glass of water from my night stand hurtling against the wall, shattering to pieces. An Avox entered shortly after, concern on her face at the sight of me and the broken glass. </p>
<p>“Just leave it!” I shouted when she bent to pick it up. The woman paused, unsure. When I didn’t relent, she nodded and slipped out of the room. I slumped to the floor and, piece by piece, picked up the broken glass. By the end, my hands were grossly cut up, but I didn’t bother with bandages. I didn’t even bother getting back into bed. Instead, I tugged down a blanket and curled up right there on the floor. Down here, I could feel the slight rocking of the train, and the motion eventually soothed me into a fitful slumber. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Effie’s knock felt especially loud the next morning. </p>
<p>“Five more minutes, Effie,” I groaned. The stillness beneath me told me we were already in Ten, but it seemed early enough that surely she could allow me some extra time. </p>
<p>“Katniss?”</p>
<p>It was not Effie. </p>
<p>I shot up from the floor, tossing the blanket aside. My body ached as I moved to the door, my hands stinging from the untreated cuts, but I ignored the pain. I had to see him to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating. </p>
<p>Sure enough, Finnick Odair stood on the other side of the door, looking as golden and effortlessly attractive as he always did. His eyes furrowed in concern over my appearance, but he offered me a smile anyway. </p>
<p>“Hi there. Can I come in?”</p>
<p>Instead of answering, I raised my hands and, with all the strength I had, shoved him away from me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Well, that wasn’t the greeting I’d been expecting. </p>
<p>I cursed under my breath as my feet reeled to keep me upright. Katniss was small, especially compared to my own towering height, but she was anything but weak. </p>
<p>“Where were you?!” she yelled, pure anger on her face. No, not only anger. She was hurt, too. </p>
<p>“Katniss, hold on—”</p>
<p>“You weren’t there yesterday! You never even called!”</p>
<p>When I tried to step forward, she reached out to shove me again. This time, I was ready for it. I steeled myself, not budging. She wasn’t expecting me to wrap my arms around her and pull her tight against me. It would only make her more angry for the moment — immediately apparent by the way she thrashed in my arms — but the entire train didn’t need to hear this. </p>
<p>I kicked the door closed behind us and sat Katniss down on her bed. When she tried, once again, to shove me, I grabbed her wrists, holding onto them tightly. </p>
<p>“Katniss, please stop fighting me. Let me explain.” </p>
<p>Thankfully it seemed like she had worn herself out, her energy surely drained from the emotions of the past couple days, trying to get out of my hold, because it didn’t take her long to settle, though her eyes were still hard with her feelings toward me. </p>
<p>I opened my mouth to tell her what had happened, but then I caught sight of her hands which were still in my grip, littered with angry red cuts and dried blood. “What the hell happened to your hands?” </p>
<p>Predictably, she took the moment to wrench said hands out of my hold. “None of your business.” She crawled further back on the bed, away from me. “Now explain.”</p>
<p>I only towered over her more now that she was on the bed, so I kneeled, hoping to soften the tension between us. “I called my contact in the Capitol as soon as I hung up with you the other day, I promise. I waited for hours, Katniss. But they never got back to me. I knew that meant permission to join you was denied. But I had forgotten the time difference, and by the time I was sure I couldn’t come with you, I knew you’d already left.”</p>
<p>What I didn’t tell her was the bargain I had included for myself. That I would pose as her new lover to give Panem something else to focus on provided that, as long as we were seen as a couple, I wouldn’t have any more clients. That night, as I had waited for the phone to ring, guilt stewed in my stomach. Of course Snow wouldn’t agree to this. Why would he give up his most profitable Victor for a <em>chance</em> at providing a proper distraction? </p>
<p>Katniss stared at me in confusion. “Then why are you here?”</p>
<p>I averted my gaze and cleared my throat. “Well, I assume Snow changed his mind after your stop in Eleven.”</p>
<p>The details hadn’t been provided. I’d only gotten a call and was told to be prepared to leave for District Ten in an hour. I only hoped that this meant Snow accepted the deal — every part of it.</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>The word was so soft I barely caught it. When I looked up, Katniss didn’t look angry anymore. She looked scared. </p>
<p>“Did . . was it aired on television?” </p>
<p>I shook my head, glad I could give her at least this respite. “No. They claimed technical difficulties.” If this calmed her any, she didn’t show it. Gently, I reached out and took her hand. To my surprise, she didn’t fight. </p>
<p>“But you know what I did?”</p>
<p>Frowning, I nodded. Haymitch had filled me in and hadn’t been shy with the details. I knew he was pissed with her. I’d had to refrain from yelling at him how he was just as much at fault for it all, not preparing her the way a mentor should. </p>
<p>“My family?” Katniss asked softly, fear and tears in her eyes that she was trying so hard to hold back. I moved to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. There was no shoving this time. She only moved to bury her face in my shoulder.</p>
<p>“They’ll be okay,” I promised, hoping I wasn’t lying. “We’re going to fix everything, don’t you worry.”</p>
<p>For a while, we sat in silence. Katniss knew I couldn’t actually promise anything, but I wanted to think I could. I was Finnick Odair, the one they all wanted a piece of, and now I would belong to the girl on fire. What else would get people talking the way I knew this would? What else would make the Districts turn their backs on the girl who gave them so much hope? </p>
<p>I kept close, letting Katniss be the one to eventually pull away. She wiped harshly at her eyes and sucked in a breath. “Okay, what’s the plan?”</p>
<p>Shooting her a mischievous look to lighten the mood, I pulled the card out of my back pocket. “First things first,” I said, waggling it in the air like it was much more exciting than a paragraph of empty words Effie had written, “we practice.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ok not the most exciting chapter but we just had to get through district 11!! i'd promise the next chapter will be better but this is my writing so who is to really say lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <em>Katniss</em></strong>
</p>
<p>I was worried Finnick’s idea of practicing would include kissing, but thankfully it really was just about reading the card. We went over it again and again until I could read the words without sounding so emotionless, but with the right emotion in the right places.</p>
<p>“Pause for a moment here,” he’d say. “Now at this part, say it like you’re proud.”</p>
<p>I had scrunched my nose in disgust at that. “But that’s—”</p>
<p>“Horrible?” he provided. “Yes, which is precisely why you have to do it.”</p>
<p>As much as I had wanted to argue, I knew I couldn’t. He was right. Words that felt vile in my mouth were sweet in Snow’s ears. Eventually, I read it through just as Finnick directed enough times for him to be satisfied, which was good, considering Effie had come by to let us know we had better get a move on. </p>
<p>Apparently, Finnick had already talked to my team upon his arrival about his purpose here. It left me with immense relief that I wouldn’t have to be the one to explain. </p>
<p>Finnick headed for the door, but I stopped him. “Out there, are we going to have to, um, you know.” I didn’t know why I couldn’t form the word <em>kiss.</em> </p>
<p>Thankfully, he seemed to know what I meant. “No, Katniss, we don’t have to kiss yet. I think it’s better to introduce us slowly. Coming on too strong too quickly could hurt our believability.” He explained in quiet words to me what he intended instead as we made our way onto the carriage that would take us to District Ten’s Justice Building. I wasn’t sure if I thought his idea was good because it actually was or because I simply wasn’t ready to kiss him yet, but I agreed regardless. </p>
<p>I took in the sights of Ten as our carriage plowed forward. Like Eleven, it was heavy with fields. But where there had been crops and orchards filling them, here there were animals. Cows grazing in the grass, horses drinking from pools of water. There were larger buildings too that looked like factories. Was this where most of the animals met their fates? </p>
<p>Soon enough we were at the Justice Building and I could stop comparing myself to the animals that were plucked and ready for slaughter, their blood spilled without second thought. Despite yesterday’s disaster, I felt calmer as we all climbed out of the carriage. Just like in Eleven, Effie, Cinna, and Haymitch took to the stage first. A way to show off the team behind the Victor, I supposed. But this time, Finnick took his place on stage with them. I knew the moment the crowd spotted him. Suddenly, any idle chatter stopped. Even the nearby fields of animals seemed to have quieted. For his part, Finnick looked as dashing and golden as ever. His soft gray sweater and dark navy trousers were simple, but the sculpted fit and quality of the fabric reeked of money. It was easy to imagine him this way in the Capitol, that night’s lover on his arm. </p>
<p>The crowd had started murmuring again as I took the stage, locking eyes with Finnick for a moment before I made my way in front of the microphone. This time, I knew it was not their own lives they were murmuring about. They all wondered what Finnick Odair was doing here. Many of them surely remembered when he was here for his own tour.</p>
<p>For a moment, I let them gossip. This was the point, wasn’t it? For Finnick to be seen and take more note in their minds than I did. I watched as people’s eyes darted to him, then to me, before whispering something to their neighbor. <em>Good,</em> I thought to myself. <em>Link us in your minds. Hate me the way you hate him.</em> For there was no denying that they did indeed hate him. No denying the coldness in their eyes. Finnick only met them all with pretty smiles. </p>
<p>After taking in a measured breath, I finally started talking. </p>
<p>“Hello people of District Ten,” I said in as cheerful of a voice as I could muster. “I’m so grateful for this opportunity to be here today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When I finished my speech to a round of forced applause, I was herded into the Justice Building with the rest of my team to meet formally with Ten’s Mayor. While Haymitch, Cinna, and Effie moved to introduce themselves, Finnick pulled me aside and wrapped his arms around me. Somehow I knew this meant I had done well, so I relaxed into them.</p>
<p>“Good job, Kat. Perfect,” Finnick murmured into my ear. He gave me a squeeze, then went to greet the Mayor himself, likely the same woman who had been mayor when he’d be a new Victor.</p>
<p>For a moment, I stayed planted in place, Finnick’s nickname for me playing again in my ears. It wasn’t the first time someone had tried calling me that. The difference was that I normally put a quick stop to it. Such a silly name, I had always thought. I only grew to hate it more when Buttercup entered our lives. </p>
<p>But I didn’t feel the way I usually felt when hearing it. The nickname sounded different from Finnick’s lips, soft and comforting, assuring me that I’d done okay, that everything was all right. I was sure that if I told him I didn’t like it, he’d never use the name again. But as I finally made my way over to introduce myself to the Mayor, I knew that I wouldn’t. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Mayor led us on a brief tour of the district. Peacekeepers kept guard around us, but I still caught the eyes of people that passed us. Some looked with malice, others with curiosity. When Finnick caught notice of their looks, his hand quietly found its way into mine.</p>
<p>Afterwards we had dinner at the Mayor’s house with her family and a few top Capitol officials. It would be like this on every tour stop, from what I understood. As long as there wasn’t another situation like Eleven. </p>
<p>“So, Mr. Odair, what brings you out with Miss Everdeen today? I wasn’t aware you two even knew each other, coming from different districts and all,” the Mayor asked partway into the meal, clearly unable to hold back her curiosity any longer. </p>
<p>“We met at her after party, actually,” Finnick provided, wiping his face with his napkin. “Since then, we’ve had a few phone conversations, but I thought it would be nice to see her in person again, and I figured waiting until her tour would give her enough time to come to terms with everything.” He leaned back in his chair then and smoothly draped his arm over my chair. </p>
<p>The answer seemed to appease the Mayor, and conversation continued on. I stuffed pieces of roasted duck into my mouth, thinking about what Finnick had just suggested. <em>Come to terms with everything.</em> Everything being Peeta’s death. Of course, I knew the truth of why he was here, knew that our only phone call had been when I had phoned, panicking, and had asked for his help, but Finnick had said it so naturally that even I had believed in us for a moment. </p>
<p>Under the table, Finnick’s hand found mine and gave it a small squeeze. This action, unlike his words or the arm resting around me, was private, just for us, so I knew what he was asking with the gesture. <em>Was that okay? Are <strong>you</strong> okay?</em> Maybe he knew that his line would bring up the memory of Peeta’s death. I was starting to think that Finnick Odair understood me much better than I had thought possible. </p>
<p>I squeezed his hand back. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>And with that simple lift of my arm, Katniss and I were an item. I knew the Capitol guests would be on their phones as soon as the dinner was over. It would start out as a murmur. A Victory Tour never got the kind of views in the Capitol that the Games did. The whole thing was really for the districts, anyway. A way for Snow to remind them of their loss by parading around the child that had gotten out instead. Make a whole ordeal of it for the families. Never lift the boot off of the people’s necks. </p>
<p>But now, the Capitol would be scrutinizing every stop. They wouldn’t give any mind to the things Katniss said or the people of the district, only our interactions. Snow was getting a proper distraction for all of Panem. Maybe that’s why it was worth the price of losing my body. </p>
<p>When we finally returned to the train, I gave Katniss a rundown for tomorrow’s stop. Had her practice the card so it wouldn’t be a cram session in the morning, told her exactly how we’d play things out with each other so there were no surprises. Then I left her in her room to get some rest and made my way to my room to do the same. </p>
<p>After washing up for the evening, I spread out on my bed, letting out a sigh. It had been a long day, but overall, it had gone better than expected. Katniss and I might actually pull this off. Staring at the ceiling, I thought about what I’d be doing if I were back home right now. It was the second Thursday of the month. In the morning, I would have likely gotten a call about the upcoming weekend with the details I needed. Who the client was, their address, what they wanted to do with me. </p>
<p>It wasn’t always sex. Sometimes, people just wanted to be seen with me. They dragged me to a party one of their friends was throwing. We walked around in the city, knowing somewhere, someone was photographing us, and that those photos would show up on the gossip shows and magazines the next morning. Some would even be shown in the districts to show what a Victor could be, or more so, that I was no longer one of them. </p>
<p>But most clients wanted sex, too. And I couldn’t say no, not after what happened the first time I had.</p>
<p><em>Not anymore,</em> I thought as a smile spread on my face. I couldn’t know how long this thing with Katniss would last, but I was going to hold on to it for as long as I could. Revel in this period, however long or short, where my body was mine again. </p>
<p>For once, sleep came without me having to try for it. But as usual, it didn’t last. I woke with a jolt. My face flushed as I accepted that I had been screaming. The idea of the whole train knowing that my nightmares still plagued me so intensely after all these years made me uneasy. But after a moment, my mind cleared and I realized that no, the screaming hadn’t come from me. </p>
<p>I was up before I could really process what I was doing. No one else seemed to be reacting, so the screaming must be a usual occurrence. Of course it was. I found her door, opened it before realizing I should’ve knocked. Katniss was sitting up in bed, her knees pulled to her chest, arms wrapped around them tightly. She didn’t even notice I was there until I had sat down on her bed and gently put my hand on her shoulder. Her reaction, unsurprisingly, was defensive, her own hand coming to swat harshly at mine. Then her eyes focused on me and she seemed to snap out of whatever nightmare that had held her mind. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said, voice barely a whisper. “Did I wake you?” She wasn’t looking at me anymore, eyes downturned in a way that suggested she was embarrassed. I wanted to tell her she shouldn’t be, but hadn’t I just felt the same way? <em>It’s different with her,</em> my mind reasoned. <em>She’s only six months in.</em></p>
<p>“No, I was up,” I lied, and I think Katniss knew it, but it seemed to help her relax a little regardless. I stayed quiet for a moment, giving her time to return to herself before I asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>Katniss hesitated for only a moment before shaking her head. </p>
<p>“That’s all right, I know it’s hard.” I searched for words to comfort her, but doubted what I came up with helped any. “I get them too, you know. I still do.”</p>
<p>Finally she looked up at me again. Her face was neutral, but she couldn’t hide what was in her eyes. A gray storm looking for a life preserver. “Does it never get better?” she asked. </p>
<p>I hesitated. She wouldn’t want me to sugarcoat anything I knew, but I couldn’t leave her hopeless, either. “It gets . . . if not better, easier. You learn ways to cope. There are less sleepless nights.”</p>
<p>It was the best I could offer her, but she seemed to accept it as enough for now. </p>
<p>For a few more minutes, I sat with her in silence. It was surprisingly comfortable. When she seemed relaxed enough, I said, “I should let you try and get some more rest.”</p>
<p>Katniss nodded, so I stood and made my way to leave. I had one foot out the door when her quiet voice said, “Finnick?” and stopped me in my tracks. </p>
<p>“Yes, Katniss?”</p>
<p>It took a moment or two for her to get the words out, and I understood why once she did. Her voice was somehow even quieter than before when she asked, “Will you stay with me?”</p>
<p>The question took me aback, but maybe it shouldn’t have. Katniss was all sharp edges, but the Games broke even those that went in bloodthirsty. Sometimes, you just needed someone to keep you grounded in the present.</p>
<p>So I said, “Sure, Kat. I’ll stay.” </p>
<p>My assumption was that she wouldn’t want me in her bed, so I grabbed an extra pillow off of it and started to lower my tall frame to the floor, but her hand on my shoulder stopped me. </p>
<p>By explanation, she said, “It’s a big bed.”</p>
<p>Well, she wasn’t wrong. </p>
<p>When I climbed in, there was still space between us. Neither of us moved to change that, but I reached out to give her hand a quick squeeze before settling under the covers. “Goodnight, Katniss.” I think she might’ve mumbled it back, but sleep was already pulling at the corners of my mind. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I woke to the sound of a knock. The door opened to reveal Effie, who’s eyes widened in surprise when she saw me. I was surprised too when I realized that Katniss was pressed against my chest, still asleep, and my arm was wrapped around her. </p>
<p>When I looked up again, Effie was glaring at me. I returned the look with a roll of my eyes. “We’re fully clothed, Effie.” </p>
<p>The sound of my voice woke Katniss, and she startled at both how close we were and the way Effie was looking at us. Very quickly, she pulled away and stood, so fast I’d bet that she was dizzy.</p>
<p>“Be out in a few, Effie,” she said in the squeakiest voice I’d ever heard from her. I had to hold back a laugh. Her cheeks were bright red and, just like last night, I felt the need to ease her embarrassment. </p>
<p>Once we were alone again, I said, “You know, I don’t think we need to convince <em>everyone</em> we’re in love, but nice job.” The tease got one of those rare smiles out of her, so I felt all right to leave her to get ready, telling her to practice reading the card again in a purposely nagging tone as I left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nine went just as well as Ten did. Katniss read the card as I had instructed, getting better at the difficult parts, the parts where she had to sound happy about all of this. And just as I had told her I would, when she walked onto the stage after her team and I, I took her hand and placed a slow kiss to the top of it, my eyes never leaving hers just as if I were with a real lover. To her credit, she didn’t look away, either. That night when her screaming started, I once again made my way to her room. Wordlessly, she made space on the bed for me, and I climbed in beside her. We didn’t bother leaving space that we both knew now would be filled by morning. Katniss tucked herself against me, I wrapped her in my arms, and we slept soundlessly until Effie came again in the morning. </p>
<p>After she climbed the stage in Eight, I pressed a kiss to both of her cheeks, first the left, then the right. The crowd was a bit more rowdy than Nine and Ten had been, but Katniss managed well enough. We spent the time after dinner with the District Eight mayor in the back room of the train that was all windows. As we sipped hot chocolate, she told me about Twelve, and I told her about Four. When it was time for bed, I didn’t bother going to my room; I followed Katniss straight to hers. Somehow, I knew we didn’t need to discuss it. She took her side of the bed, and I took mine. That night, she pressed her back to my chest, and my arm came down around her waist, hand resting on her belly.</p>
<p>As sleep edged in, I remembered I hadn’t discussed tomorrow with her. We’d be in Seven. I wondered if I’d get to see Johanna. </p>
<p>“Katniss, I think we’re ready for the next step,” I murmured into her ear.</p>
<p>“Hmph?” she mumbled back, closer to sleep than I realized. Her sleepy voice was kind of cute.</p>
<p>Grinning to myself, I said softly, “Tomorrow, in Seven, I’m going to kiss you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>finally we can get to the kissing am i right</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tomorrow, in Seven, I’m going to kiss you.</em>
</p>
<p>I’m not sure I even responded before sleep had dragged me under, and I certainly hadn’t processed his words. My body was much too eager to catch up on months of lost sleep. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had slept without waking up screaming, but last night, with Finnick beside me the whole time, I’d actually gotten a full night’s rest. </p>
<p>It was morning and I had been awake for a couple of hours, staring at the wall as my mind repeated those eight words over and over again. The train had stopped moving about an hour ago, meaning it would be time to get moving soon. </p>
<p>
  <em>I’m going to kiss you.</em>
</p>
<p>I don’t know why I was thinking about this so much. I’d had time to prepare for this point of our faux relationship, each stop building up the romance between us. Even now, my back was pressed to his chest and his arm was wrapped around my middle. I could feel his rhythmic breathing on the back of my neck. Wouldn’t some say this was more intimate than a kiss? </p>
<p>It was precisely because I could feel his breathing that I knew the moment he woke. I waited a minute, then shifted so that I was facing him. I was met with a sleepy smile.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he murmured in a husky drawl. </p>
<p>His hair was a mess, yet it somehow looked like every strand was exactly as it should be at the same time. It was no wonder they loved him so much in the Capitol. Everything about him was effortless. </p>
<p>“Morning,” I replied.</p>
<p>I watched him blink once, twice, three times until his eyes focused on my face. His smile melted into a frown. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Finnick asked, ever the perspicacious type. </p>
<p>“Nothing,” I said anyway, only causing his frown to deepen. I became suddenly interested in the pattern of the bed sheets. </p>
<p>To my surprise, Finnick responded by bringing his thumb to my chin and tilting my head up. “Look at me,” he said, his voice somehow commanding and soft at the same time. I had no choice but to comply, and as I took in the features of his face — his sea green eyes, the tiny freckles that were only noticeable this close, the curve of his lips — I realized why I was panicking about his words from last night. </p>
<p>I spoke before I could think about it too much. “I want you to kiss me now.”</p>
<p>The surprise on his face told me it wasn’t the answer he was expecting. To be fair, I hadn’t been expecting it either. </p>
<p>With Peeta, all of our firsts had been in front of an audience. The first time we held hands, the first time we kissed. Maybe if we’d had some practice, I could’ve put on a better performance. It had been easy for him — his feelings were always real. But I’d felt like a deer, frozen and frantic the second before my arrow pierced its heart, realizing the danger too late. Maybe if I had been better, he’d still be alive. </p>
<p>Before he could ask me to explain, I added, “I don’t want it to be like it was with Peeta. So . . . new. I mean, it shouldn’t look new, right?”</p>
<p>Finnick considered for a moment, then nodded. “Right,” he agreed. </p>
<p>For a moment, neither of us spoke. Neither of us moved. I couldn’t attest for Finnick, but I don’t think I even breathed, the tension building as we both realized what came next. Then, just as easily, the bubble popped as he dipped his head forward and captured my lips with his own.</p>
<p><em>Soft,</em> I thought first. Then, <em>warm, good. Very good.</em> This wasn’t like kissing Peeta or Gale. This kiss wasn’t for an audience and it wasn’t by surprise. It was the first kiss that was my choice.</p>
<p>I realized then I’d just been laying there as he kissed me, so I moved to kiss him back and it felt even better. Our kiss grew from a whisper to a murmur as Finnick gently palmed my cheek and I pressed closer to him. I wasn’t sure how long we’d been kissing for when I finally pulled back, gasping for breath like I’d been under water. As my breathing returned to normal and the daze of the kiss lost its strength, I felt my cheeks grow hot. I was the girl on fire once more. </p>
<p>Finnick laughed, grinning at me. “It’s okay to enjoy it, Katniss,” he teased. “People don’t need to be in love to like a kiss. Kissing is <em>supposed</em> to be enjoyable. Especially if it’s with me. I have very excellent reviews, you know.”</p>
<p>It was such a ridiculous thing to say that I laughed, elbowing his stomach, and any uneasiness drifted away. He started laughing, too, and then for a while, neither of us could stop. </p>
<p>“Why, am I the first person you’ve actually <em>enjoyed</em> a kiss from?” he asked with a devilish smirk. His own face was flushed now from all the laughing.</p>
<p>I only grunted in response, which he seemed to take as a yes. </p>
<p>“My my, you better be careful, Katniss Everdeen, or you just might fall in love with me for real. You wouldn’t be the first,” he said, tickling my side.</p>
<p>I squirmed to get away from him, hating that he now knew that I was, in fact, ticklish. In retaliation, I shoved at his chest. “Get out of my bed, Finnick Odair!” </p>
<p>He complied, but I already knew by his laugh that he was up to no good when he leaned down and scooped me into his arms, bridal style. </p>
<p>“Finnick! Put me down!” I shouted as I twisted in his grip, my voice much too high pitched for my liking. His laughter only grew more maniacal. </p>
<p>“Do you know how many people in Panem want to kiss you, Katniss? So many. And not only did you <em>ask</em> me to kiss you, but you <em>enjoyed</em> it.” </p>
<p>“I hate you,” I told him, but I was laughing again, too. </p>
<p>“Liar, liar, girl on fire,” he teased, looking much too proud of himself. </p>
<p>“Oh, you think you’re clever with that one, do you?”</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em> I’m clever,” he countered, and then he started to spin us, which only made both of us laugh even more. </p>
<p>I didn’t know what this wild, childish energy was between us. I didn’t know if it stemmed from the kiss or if it was all the pressure on us from this tour finally bursting. But it felt good to just laugh and not think about the weight of the world for a little while. </p>
<p>Of course, it could only last so long. I wasn’t sure if we didn’t hear Effie knock over our laughing or if she came in unannounced, but she had to clear her throat twice for us to notice her. Finnick stopped spinning. What we were doing was nothing but silly fun, but I still felt like we’d been caught in the act of something. Or maybe it was just that I didn’t want to share this private, carefree moment between us with anyone else. </p>
<p>Effie just seemed to be happy that she wasn’t walking in on us in bed for once. “If you two are done, we have another big day ahead of us!” </p>
<p>Finnick and I shared a smile, because Effie thought every day was a big day. He set me down and before I could even fully right myself, pressed another kiss to my lips. Quicker than the first, but long enough for all the same feelings to bubble up again. By the grin and wink he shot me afterwards, I knew he’d done it just to get a rise out of Effie, and it worked. </p>
<p>“Finnick Odair!” she scolded as if he’d done something much more sinister than kiss me.</p>
<p>“What?” Finnick asked innocently. “I’m only preparing for our <em>big</em> day!”</p>
<p>Effie scoffed at being mocked. Finnick was still grinning as he left my room, stopping to press a light kiss to Effie’s cheek on his way out. There was no telling what her face was doing underneath all her makeup, but I would bet <em>my</em> buttons that she was blushing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The easy warmth that had filled me from my morning with Finnick drained quickly once we got to the Justice Building in Seven. The crowd was rowdy before we even stepped onto the stage. On the carriage ride here, Finnick had told me that he was excited for this stop, for he hoped to introduce me to one of his very good friends, fellow Victor Johanna Mason.</p>
<p>I didn’t remember much about Johanna, only that she had won her Games by faking weakness, putting her on no one’s radar and allowing her to slide by until the end, where she viciously used her impressive skills with an ax to take out her remaining opponents. It was a genius strategy that I admittedly had planned on using myself until the Gamemakers scored me a damned eleven. </p>
<p>If Finnick had known that Seven would be a more aggressive crowd, his face said otherwise. </p>
<p>“It’ll be all right,” he murmured to me, giving my hand a quick squeeze, before he took the stage with the rest of my team. The crowd seemed to only grow more restless. </p>
<p>As usual, I counted to five, then stepped onto the stage myself. The crowd’s voices turned into a roar. Already I saw Peacekeepers beating people back, but they didn’t care. These people were <em>angry.</em> Maybe not at me, but the unrest was palpable. Where normally I would move over to Finnick for our brief moment of romance before taking to the microphone, I instead froze in place. The breakfast I had eaten this morning threatened to make a comeback. </p>
<p>Sensing that I wasn’t going to come to him, Finnick came to me. I wanted to shake my head, tell him we needed to change the plan. Kissing in front of these people would surely only make it worse. I couldn’t stomach the soft warmth of his lips with the crowd’s jeering in the background. But he was already moving into action — not to kiss me, thank god — but to pull me into his arms for a tight hug. Even this small action got a reaction from the crowd, but I tried to tune them out, pressing my face into the crook of his neck. For a moment, he let me stay there, using his strong hold as a shield. But the moment didn’t last nearly long enough.</p>
<p>Finnick pressed a light kiss to the top of my head and murmured, “Keep it quick, Katniss.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong><em>Finnick</em></strong> </p>
<p>I did not get to see Johanna. </p>
<p>There was no meeting with the mayor, a dinner, or a tour of the district. It had been this way in Eleven too, Katniss told me. But at least she hadn’t done anything to cause it this time. Snow might not like it, but the crowd had been riled up before we had even got there. Katniss could not be at fault. </p>
<p>Of course, that didn’t mean Snow wouldn’t blame her anyway. I knew him better than that.</p>
<p>But Katniss didn’t, not yet. So when we got back to the train and she asked in that quiet voice of hers that meant fear was thick in her veins if everything was okay, if Snow would blame her for how Seven had turned out, I told her of course it was and of course he wouldn’t. Deep down, I feared that things were much worse than either of us had known going in. Too far gone for us to fix with a few kisses. But I couldn’t tell her that, not after this morning. Not when hours ago she had been laughing and smiling like I’d never seen from her before. Katniss had more pressure on her than any other Victor ever had. It typically took a lot of effort to get those kinds of smiles out of her, but they had come so easy this morning. Watching it happen, listening to the unabashed joy tumble out of her, it was <em>magic.</em> And maybe it was selfish, but I wanted to hold on to that magic for a little while longer. </p>
<p>While Katniss went to shower off her nerves, I took to my room and called Annie. She picked up after the third ring and I felt part of me calm at the sound of her voice, both at its familiarity and because she sounded well. I knew Mags would take good care of her, as she always did, but Annie’s moods since her Games were unpredictable. When she was at her worst, there wasn’t really a thing any of us could do to make it better, though we always tried. </p>
<p>I filled Annie in on what the tour had been like so far, though I kept it vague. What Katniss and I were doing and the reason for it was a sensitive issue, one that could easily go south. The less Annie knew the better, I thought. I asked her how things were going at home, if her and Mags were getting out of the house. Both of them could tend to shut themselves inside if not otherwise prodded — Mags because she was getting older and Annie because she could get lost in her own mind. As much as I ached to see them both again, I didn’t regret being here. Katniss needed me, or at least someone, to help her through this. And I was starting to think I just might need her, too. </p>
<p>After a bit more of small talk, I hung up with Annie, promising to see her in a couple of days. We’d do Six tomorrow, then Five and Four in the same day due to their proximity. Since this allowed us a bit more room in our schedule, I’d worked out for us to spend a few more hours in the district after Katniss’s speech in Four. I was excited to see Mags and Annie and Goose — my energetic fluffball of a dog, who Annie confirmed was following her around the house in my absence, per usual — as well as just showing Katniss my home. Would she like it? I hoped so.</p>
<p>Just as I finished my conversation with Annie, there was a knock at my door and Katniss entered. Her wet hair was pulled back into a braid and she had changed into a soft green pajama set. I made room for her on my bed and as she moved into it, I realized just how thin the fabric of her pajamas was, how little would be between us if I put my hands on her, how easy I could get to her skin and feel her warmth underneath my palm, how good it might feel to touch—</p>
<p>I stopped myself, surprised by my own thought, and I had to look away while Katniss situated herself under the covers. What was I thinking? We were friends. Worse, I was basically acting as a mentor, helping her through her tour. Plus, I think she was really starting to trust me. I couldn’t fuck that up. </p>
<p>Carefully, I let my eyes flicker back to her. She had her head on the pillow, eyes closed though obviously not sleeping. Beneath her fiery exterior, Katniss had a soft innocence to her. She had hinted at the fact that she hadn’t had romantic experience before Peeta. Not a relationship, not a kiss, certainly not sex. I hadn’t even had much interest in it myself, not since my body had been on loan nearly every weekend for the past eight years. Maybe now that I finally had some relative freedom where the matter was concerned, my natural drive was returning. That must be why my mind had reacted to Katniss that way. There was no one else on the train I’d have an interest in. Well, Cinna was rather attractive, though I’d have no idea how to approach that. But Katniss was the only one I had a real connection with. </p>
<p>Regardless, she was off limits. Katniss was so new to all of this, she deserved someone better. Someone not so <em>used.</em></p>
<p>Other than my less than innocent thoughts, something else felt different. As I glanced at the clock on the wall then back down to Katniss, I realized this was the first time she had come to me. The thought made me smile. Yes, she was giving me her trust, and I wasn’t going to mess that up.</p>
<p>“Finnick?” Katniss said, bringing me out of my thoughts. Her eyes were open now, looking up at me. I could tell she was still shaken from the day. “Will you tell me another story?”</p>
<p>District Four was a district riddled with many stories, different folklore that started with a pebble of truth but grew to mostly fiction over the years. Still, the people there loved them. Every child grew up with stories told to them by their parents, some in books but most told from memory, passed down from their parents, who learned from theirs, and so on. But memories were tricky, so while everyone had the same basic stories told to them, the details always changed, often leading to schoolyard debates about who’s version was best. </p>
<p>I had told one to Katniss the other night and she’d been an eager listener. Her district had stories too, she'd said, but they were very different from Four’s and often told in songs. Ballads.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” I hummed as I thought of which one to tell her. Katniss pressed herself closer, like a child that was afraid of missing a single word. “Do you know why sailors bring wax to plug their ears with when they go out to sea?”</p>
<p>Katniss shook her head.</p>
<p>I lowered my voice, preparing to tell the story the same way I had for years, the same way my mother had told it to me so long ago. “Well, legend has it that out in the middle of the sea, there lives a beautiful woman whose voice has the power to lure men to their deaths . . .”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Our stop in Six went nothing like Seven, which was to say the people were normal. Not happy, never happy. But they were quiet, and quiet was much better than angry shouting. I could’ve kissed Katniss, but I didn’t. Since it hadn’t happened in Seven and we were only a few stops away, I selfishly wanted to save it for Four. Let my district see me with someone they don’t have to be disappointed in for once. Instead, while normally I would take my place next to Haymitch on the stage, I waited by the steps for Katniss to come up, making a show of helping her and walking her to the microphone before kissing her hand and only then taking my usual spot. </p>
<p>We had to get up early the next morning to do the stop in Five. If the people were angry, it was too early in the morning for them to show it. I wasn’t sure what to do for our moment of romance and thought I might just kiss her cheeks again when another opportunity presented itself. As Katniss stepped onto the stage, a particularly cold breeze moved through and she noticeably shivered. I didn’t hesitate to shrug out of my jacket and bring it over to her, wrapping it around her shoulders. It was only after she responded with a smile that I knew was genuine, not just for our audience, that I realized my action had been genuine, too. Sure, I knew that it would be a good look, but that had been an afterthought. My instinct had just been to get her warm. </p>
<p>At least we wouldn’t have to worry about that in Four. It was the winter season, so it would be nowhere near the kind of warm it was in the summertime, but still warmer than most of Panem. Especially compared to the kind of winter Katniss was used to. </p>
<p>After a very brief tour of District Five, we were back on the train and on our way. Katniss and I decided to take a nap to pass the time, since not only had we woken up earlier than usual, but we’d been up late, for once not from nightmares, but just talking. It surprised me when she told me how few friends she had back home, because she was so easy to talk to. And a good listener, too. </p>
<p>I woke up just in time to watch us pull into Four. We had squeezed onto the couches in the window room for our nap, so all of the district’s beauty was in view. </p>
<p>“Katniss, wake up,” I said, shaking her shoulder, eager like a child wanting to open presents on Christmas. It wasn’t the best move I realized after as she woke with a start, panicked. Waking a Victor suddenly was never a good idea, I of all people should’ve known that. </p>
<p>“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” I said quickly but softly, gently resting my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes locked on my face and slowly she relaxed. My smile was guilty. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted you to see . . .” I trailed off, motioning to the window. </p>
<p>Her eyes followed my hand and I watched her take in the sight of Four. The sun was still in the sky, but it would be setting soon. The train station had a beautiful view of one of our many beaches. The water was calm, sparkling. Katniss smiled and it brought on one of my own. </p>
<p>I took her hand then, tugging her out of the room with me. She laughed at my eagerness, but didn’t hesitate to follow. </p>
<p>“Where are you two going?” I heard Effie’s Capitol accented voice trill out. “We have thirty minutes before—”</p>
<p>Neither of us listened to her, making our way to the train’s door. As we stepped outside, I could hear Haymitch telling her to loosen up a little. But the air was hitting us now and I didn’t care what anyone thought. It was perfect. The easy, salty sea breeze. Not too warm, not too cold. Just right. I took in a deep breath, relishing it. District Four was as much a part of me as I was of it. I never truly felt whole until I was back home.</p>
<p>When I looked down at Katniss, she was looking up at me, grinning. I raised a brow at her. “What?” I asked. </p>
<p>She shook her head. “I thought I’d really gotten a good grasp on you, Finnick Odair. But I hadn’t, not really, not until right this moment.”</p>
<p>I didn’t know what to say to that, but luckily I didn’t have to say anything, because now Katniss was the one tugging on my hand. “Well, are you gonna show me that beach over there or what?” She was grinning at me again, something devilish in it this time. “Race you!” And then she was running, and damn, she was fast. </p>
<p>“Cheater!” I called, but I still gave her a bit more of a head start before racing after her. Katniss was fast, but my legs were much longer. She was halfway onto the beach when I caught up with her. I could tell she wasn’t used to walking — let alone running — on sand. Coming up behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist, bringing us both to the ground.</p>
<p>“Finnick!” she shouted as I pinned her, but she was laughing, and so was I, both of us covered in the soft sand. </p>
<p>I grinned down at her. “Welcome to District Four, girl on fire.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>finnick: wow seeing katniss smile n laugh is magical i think maybe i need her???</p>
<p>also finnick: no feelings tho just horny</p>
<p>anyway hope y'all are ready to meet the best character in this fic . . . yes i'm talking about goose</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>We returned to the train twenty minutes later covered in sand, leaving us only ten minutes to shower and ready before we had to be at the Justice Building. Effie was so panicked that her voice was even higher than usual. Finnick and I had to hold back our laughs as we went to our respective rooms.</p>
<p>In the shower, I watched tiny pieces of gritty sand clump by the drain as I washed my hair, thinking back to how warm it felt underneath me on the beach. For a moment, when Finnick had me pinned, I had thought he was going to kiss me. More surprising, a small voice in my head had wanted him to. </p>
<p>He didn’t, but I was still thinking about his lips and how tonight, he’d be kissing me on stage for the first time. We had already kissed at my request, and we’d been teasing our romance to crowds for a week now. This was just the final piece of the puzzle. A confirmation that we weren’t just being flirty. And yet, I could still feel the nerves rising up inside of me like the waves of Four’s ocean as I dressed and Effie ushered us to the carriage. Finnick pointed out different places we passed on the ride to the Justice Building, but my mind was elsewhere.</p>
<p>Then we were there, and really, the motions were all the same. The stopping of the carriage, briefly greeting the Mayor, my team and Finnick making their way onto the stage, and after a pause, making my own way up there. </p>
<p>Last night, Finnick had told me not to worry about the audience. “The people here actually like me,” he had joked. And he was right. The crowd was fine. I think most of them were more focused on Finnick, which had been the case at most of the stops. Had word spread about us? Were the other tour stops enough to get people talking in the districts? </p>
<p>A voice in my head cut through my questions. I’m surprised I could hear it over the beating of my heart. <em>You’re supposed to be walking over to him.</em> Instead I’d just been standing there, stuck in my own head. I looked at Finnick, and sure enough, he was looking at me, waiting and a little confused. Our eyes met and his head tilted ever so slightly. I took it for the question that it was. <em>Are we still doing this?</em> </p>
<p>Somehow, I was certain that I could shake my head and he’d change tactics. He’d take what I wanted into consideration just like he had from the start. </p>
<p>And maybe that was why, despite my nerves, I nodded. <em>Yes.</em></p>
<p>Finally I walked to him. His face brightened and it felt genuine. Finnick brought his hand up to my face, cupping my cheek, his thumb resting underneath my chin. He used it to tilt my face up to where he wanted it. I had just enough time to suck in one last breath before his lips were on mine. </p>
<p>The crowd reacted in audible murmurs, so maybe they hadn’t known, or maybe they simply weren’t expecting this display of affection. But I was only half listening to the crowd. The kiss wasn’t as good as the one on the train, but it wasn’t how I thought it would be, either. With Peeta, every kiss had felt so calculated, cold. But nothing about Finnick was cold. </p>
<p>He was the one to pull away first this time. I didn’t necessarily want him to kiss me again, but I did want to pull him off of the stage and go back to the train or to his room here, somewhere we could be alone. I wanted to curl up with him on a bed or a couch and feel his warmth wrap around me. And then . . .</p>
<p>I was a little unsteady as I walked to the microphone. <em>Speech, focus on the speech.</em> Card in hand, I read out the words that were basically the same as all the rest, only small changes here and there. When I reached the end, I felt the same feeling that I hadn’t felt since the disaster in Eleven. Not of guilt, but the need to add more. Words of my own demanding to be heard. As usual, they tumbled out before I could think otherwise. </p>
<p>“And lastly, I’d like to thank a certain District Four Victor who has been so kind to me since I became a Victor myself, helping me navigate this wonderful new life. I’m very grateful to be able to see some of the beautiful district that raised him today.”</p>
<p>The words were perfect by no means. Had I thought of them beforehand, I would have worked them out better, maybe asked for Effie’s help. But I wasn’t one to think ahead. </p>
<p>The crowd, at least, responded well. Their clapping didn’t sound completely forced. When I turned, I found that it wasn’t Finnick I looked to first, but Haymitch. I knew that he, more than anyone else, would tell me how my added words came off. If they were okay or another mistake to my already large list. Our eyes met, the question in mine, and relief flooded me as he subtly offered a thumbs up. Only then did I look to Finnick. He was looking at me as if he was trying to figure something out, but he was smiling.</p>
<p>And I realized then that I was smiling, too. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Normally, dinner with the Mayor came right after my speech. But Finnick had arranged a few extra hours for him to show me around Four before the sun went down, so we’d have dinner afterwards and then straight to the train for an overnight ride to Three. Even better, we were allowed to go off on our own, just Finnick and I.</p>
<p>We walked with our hands locked, swinging absently. There were plenty of people around to see us, so it helped the image. But it didn’t feel like it was for show. It felt natural.</p>
<p>Four was nice enough to be a vacation spot for Capitol citizens, with its beautiful weather year round and expansive beaches. But as we walked and the buildings became less polished, I realized Finnick wasn’t guiding us to the touristy spots, but where the people of Four lived and worked. I felt myself relax even more. </p>
<p>Even the poorer areas of Four seemed to have their beauty. Colorful buildings in corals, baby blues, soft yellows. Most of the paint jobs were far from new, but compared to what I was used to in Twelve, everything felt so vivid. </p>
<p>Just like on the ride into town, Finnick had been acting as a tour guide as we walked, but I suddenly realized he’d grown quiet. I looked over at him to see that he was smiling down at me.</p>
<p>“What?” I asked, the corners of my lips tugging down. </p>
<p>Finnick only shook his head, using his thumb to tug my face back into a smile — had I been smiling?</p>
<p>“Just the way you’re looking at everything,” he explained.</p>
<p>“How am I looking at everything?”</p>
<p>“Like you like what you see.”</p>
<p>And I supposed I did. The feeling here was different from any other district I’d been to, especially my own. It was vibrant, yet there was a peacefulness to it. I wouldn’t necessarily say the people were happy. I didn’t think anyone really was in Panem if they weren’t a Capitol citizen. The people here still had their struggles. Still dealt with the Games. With Snow’s ironclad ruling. But they were managing. They were okay. </p>
<p>“Come on,” Finnick said then, tugging me in a different direction. “I wanna take you somewhere.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After about five minutes of walking, we were off the main street. Another five and we weren’t on a street at all, but trudging through tall grass, no real clear path. My first instinct had been to tense up, looking for the sign of a fence live with electricity, but Finnick was relaxed, so I forced myself to copy him. Then he stopped so suddenly that I nearly bumped into him. </p>
<p>He turned to me, a devilish grin on his face. “Hope you’re okay with a little climbing.”</p>
<p>I frowned, looking up where there was only sky. Finnick chuckled and stepped aside, pointing down, and then I understood. We were <em>already</em> up. The way down wasn’t far, but it was rocky, something I wasn’t used to. But if I could scale up and down trees with ease, I could do this, too.</p>
<p>“I’m actually an excellent climber, thank you,” I told him confidently, and started my way down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took me longer to get down than I’d like to admit, and even though I started first, Finnick was waiting for me once my feet touched the ground with a grunt. Something on my face must have shown my displeasure, because he laughed, ruffling the top of my hair. </p>
<p>But then I turned and any sour mood fell away.</p>
<p>Finnick had brought us to another section of the beach, but this one was secluded, enclosed by the small cliff we had just climbed down. Other than the two of us, it was deserted. </p>
<p>What really caught my attention though was the view. The sun was just starting to set, but already the sky was filling up with colors. Combined with the endless ocean, it might have been the prettiest sunset I’d ever seen. </p>
<p>“Wow,” I murmured, lost for anything more substantial. </p>
<p>“I know,” Finnick said, not in a cocky way. He held up a finger, then jogged over to another patch of the tall, scratchy grass. From it, he pulled out a plain looking basket, and from that, a blanket. He nodded for me to follow him further out onto the beach, stopping just before the spot the tide reached and laying it out.</p>
<p>“I like to come here a lot, one of the rare parts of the beach that’s always empty, so I keep this here, just in case.” </p>
<p>We settled on the blanket and for a while, neither of us said anything. It was an easy silence, filled by the rush of the water, the occasional squawk of a bird. The air was clear, clean, and I found myself taking long gulps. All the while, the sky continued to come alive even as the sun was readying for sleep. Streaks of pinks and purples, the burning orange of the sun itself, the blue sky slowly getting darker. I wished that somehow I could capture it, in a photo or a painting, take a piece of it with me. </p>
<p>“You know,” Finnick started, and when I turned he was already looking at me, the final rays of sunlight reflected in his sea green eyes, “when I set out for this tour of yours, I didn’t think I’d end up enjoying your company so much.” He grinned. “No offense.”</p>
<p>I laughed, shaking my head. “I can’t be offended, because I thought the same thing.”</p>
<p>The sun was fading fast, and I knew there wasn’t much time left to take it all in. But yet, now that I was looking at Finnick, I didn’t want to look away. He didn’t seem to want to, either. </p>
<p>I felt it again. That pressure in my chest that told me he was going to kiss me. Heard the voice, louder this time, saying I wanted him to. For a breath, my eyes flickered to his lips, and I could tell he noticed. He leaned closer to me and just like on stage, I sucked in a last breath. But then he stopped with plenty of space still between us. So slightly, his brow raised, and I realized he wasn’t going to be the one to initiative this kiss. It was up to me, my choice, and that only made me want to kiss him more. So I did.</p>
<p>Finnick smiled against my lips, apparently pleased with my decision. I was pretty pleased, too. This is what I had wanted after that kiss on stage. Another, just in private, with no one watching us, no audience to please. I didn’t have to worry if I was doing it right, I could just enjoy it. </p>
<p>When I pulled back, I did so just barely, so close still that our noses brushed. Already, I wanted another. I had only just caught my breath when Finnick gave me just that. His lips pressed harder against mine this time, a noise of pleasure I didn’t mean to make vibrating in my throat. I might’ve been embarrassed if I hadn’t been so focused on how good it felt. My hand came to rest on his shoulder, needing the purchase. His moved to my hair, deft fingers working to undo my braid. I pressed closer to him and his free hand pulled me into his lap. Hair now loose, he brushed through the dark locks with his fingers, and it felt so nice I never wanted him to stop.</p>
<p>Finnick was the one to pull back this time, and I didn’t know what had gotten into me, because I actually <em>whined.</em> He let out a low chuckle that I felt against my skin, because he wasn’t pulling away, only moving his lips to press kisses along my jaw and down the length of my throat. At my collarbone, the kisses turned to little nips of his teeth that he then tenderly sucked and I gasped — both at the feeling and the sudden rush of heat low in my belly.</p>
<p>The kisses must have been making me delirious, because in that moment, I didn’t want him to stop his descent. I wanted that same nipping and sucking to turn my chest into stiff peaks, wanted him to kiss me in places I’d only recently, with the newfound luxury of my own room, began to explore myself. Throughout the years, there had been people I had been interested in kissing, but never had I thought about or wanted anything beyond that from anyone. Until now.</p>
<p>So even though part of me wanted to protest, I was glad when Finnick pulled back completely this time. For a moment, neither of us said anything, the sound of the waves and our breathing filing the air between us. </p>
<p>“Well,” Finnick said finally, and I could hear the smile in his voice before I looked up to see it. “Shall we get going? I’d like to introduce you to some people before we have to get to dinner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>I worried the walk to Victor’s Village might be awkward, that Katniss was already regretting our intimate moment on the beach. But the silence was fine, if not easy, the weight of something new hanging between us. </p>
<p>What that something was, I didn’t know. But I knew that I didn’t regret it, either. </p>
<p>“Wow,” Katniss murmured as we reached the Village. </p>
<p>“Is it different from Twelve’s?” I asked.</p>
<p>Katniss shook her head. “No, I mean, not in the general makeup. But it’s just so full.”</p>
<p>I understood then. Before Katniss, Haymitch was the only living Victor Twelve had, meaning there was only two of them compromising the Village there. <em>How lonely,</em> I thought, imagining if that were the case here. Four didn’t have as many Victors as One or Two, but they still had their fair share. Had become known as a Career District for a reason. The Village had always been fairly full my entire time here. </p>
<p>“So, technically, that’s my house,” I said, pointing out the unadorned, dark home to our left. “But I actually live with Mags, my mentor that I told you about.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t asking it, but I could feel the question in Katniss’s gaze. I hadn’t spoken much to her about my family. It had never felt like the right time to get into it. I cleared my throat.</p>
<p>“A couple of years after my Games, I lost my family in a boating accident.” It was hard to keep the venom out of the word <em>accident</em>, for I knew well there’d been nothing accidental about it. “My mother, father, and little sister, all in one swoop.” </p>
<p>I waited for the usual words then. For the <em>I’m so sorry</em> and the <em>that’s horrible, you poor thing.</em> But Katniss didn’t say any of that. She just took my hand and waited for me to continue. </p>
<p>“After that, Mags became more than just a mentor. She’s like a mother to me. I couldn’t bear to live alone in that empty house, so I moved in with her. She didn’t have any family of her own, anyway, so it was for the best.” I realized then that I was squeezing her hand, hard, but I didn’t lighten my grip just yet. “We became each other’s family.” </p>
<p>“Well,” Katniss said when it was clear I couldn’t say anymore, no trace of pity in her tone, “I’m very happy I get to meet her. Lead the way.”</p>
<p>Finally I exhaled and loosened my grip on her hand, but neither of us pulled away completely. The house wasn’t far from mine, and right away it was clear that this was much more of a home. The lights were on inside, as were the string of outdoor lights Annie had hung up on the porch one year. There was a small garden in the yard that Mags attended to. A swing bench an old flame of Mags’s had crafted for her decades ago where someone had left a book behind. The house was a fresh pale blue, a color the three of us had picked out together and I had painted just a few months ago. It was our way of keeping things fresh, picking different paint colors from time to time. </p>
<p>I looked over at Katniss, and the glimmer in her eyes made me smile. </p>
<p>“Not too shabby, huh?”</p>
<p>There was a softness in her voice when she said, “It feels like a home.”</p>
<p>We walked inside then and I felt that sense of relaxation that always came with coming home. “Mags? Annie?” I called. It was met with loud, excited barking, and a moment later, Goose came barreling into the foyer, hurling himself at me, a rambunctious ball of white fur. Laughing, I knelt down to him, scratching behind his ears and down his back. “Hi there, Goosey boy,” I said, grinning.</p>
<p>Beside me, I realized Katniss had gone stiff. I glanced up at her and saw the frozen look on her face. “Hey, it’s okay,” I said gently. “He doesn’t bite, promise.”</p>
<p>As if just now realizing I hadn’t come home alone, Goose turned his attention to Katniss, letting out two barks before sniffing intently at her shoes. Katniss still seemed stiff, so I reached up to take her hand. “Come on, it’s all right. Come down to his level, he just wants to sniff you.”</p>
<p>She did so, albeit hesitantly. It confused me how someone that took down animals in the forest so easily would get so timid at a house dog. Someone that had been through the Games—</p>
<p>It hit me then. Her Games, the mutts in them. They’d been, in some way, like giant, bloodthirsty dogs. </p>
<p>Slowly, I took her hand and held it out to Goose, who unceremoniously shoved his snout into it. I could hear the sound of his nose working as he sniffed her, got a hold of her scent, and then, seeing no threat, licked at her fingers. </p>
<p>“Oh.” Katniss startled, nearly tipping backwards, but I pressed a steadying hand to the small of her back.</p>
<p>“It’s all right, that’s just his way of saying hello. Here.” I took her hand again, placing it at the base of Goose’s throat. “Give him a nice scratch right there, it’s one of his favorite spots.”</p>
<p>Katniss followed my instructions, more freely once she realized Goose wasn’t going to attack her, and after a moment, his back leg began twitching, his paw tapping out a fast rhythm on the wood floor. This got a laugh out of both of us and I finally saw Katniss relax. </p>
<p>“Finny!” </p>
<p>I had just enough time to stand before Annie was crashing into me, wrapping her arms tight around my torso. I chuckled. </p>
<p>“Hi Annie,” I murmured into her hair. </p>
<p>“We missed you.”</p>
<p>I knew that <em>we</em> meant her and Mags, and of course, Goose. “I missed you, too.”</p>
<p>We stayed like that for a long moment, too long of a moment, because it was Katniss clearing her throat that had me pulling back. There was an emotion in her eyes that I’d never seen before and I couldn’t quite place it. </p>
<p>“Right,” I said, knowing my cheeks were red. “Katniss, this is Annie.”</p>
<p>Annie visibly blinked. “Oh,” she said, as if she was only now realizing Katniss had been there the whole time. “You’re the new girl.”</p>
<p>“The newest Victor,” I explained at the confusion on Katniss’s face. </p>
<p>“Right,” Katniss murmured. “I guess I am.”</p>
<p>“Annie won her Games a few years after mine. She lives here with Mags and I, too.”</p>
<p>Annie nodded. “Dead parents club,” she said almost cheerfully. I had to hold back my wince. Later, I’d have to explain to Katniss how the Games had changed her, had her living in her own head, saying things she shouldn’t say sometimes. Like her next words.</p>
<p>“Are your parents dead?”</p>
<p>“Annie,” I said low under my breath. </p>
<p>But Katniss didn’t seem shaken. “My father is, but my mother is still alive.” </p>
<p>“Oh, that’s nice.” She turned back to me. “Come, Finnick, Mags is in the sitting room.” Annie looped her arm in mine, dragging me off. I looked back at Katniss, an apology written on my face, but she waved me off, simply following us along, Goose keeping pace beside her. </p>
<p>If Katniss’s first meeting with Annie was awkward, her meeting with Mags was nothing but lovely. The two seemed to get along without a hitch, even with me translating Mag's garbled speech. I should’ve expected it would be as such. They both had a quietness about them, steady and calm. I only wished we’d gotten to spend more time there, but we were already running late for dinner, so much too quickly, I was saying goodbye once more.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back in no time,” I promised as I hugged Mags and Annie, gave Goose a few more loving pets. </p>
<p>The Mayor’s house, at least, wasn’t far from Victor’s Village. Really, I wished we could have bailed on dinner, but I had already pulled some strings with getting us the time to explore and show Katniss my home, I doubted Effie would allow any other break of protocol. Four had a fine mayor, a woman named Sanya Goodwell, but I much preferred to spend more time showing Katniss around. </p>
<p>Instead I formally introduced Katniss personally, and we all gathered for dinner. When the main course of the meal was brought out, I had to hold back a moan at the smell alone. Fresh salmon with lemon and dill. Grilled asparagus. Herb roasted potatoes. At the center of the table, an array of different wines made right here in Four. I was suddenly very happy I hadn’t pushed bailing on dinner. Mayor Goodwell hadn’t held back with this meal and I realized just how important the food was to the overall District Four experience, too.</p>
<p>“Just caught this morning!” Sanya added proudly. “Have you ever had salmon, Katniss?”</p>
<p>Katniss shook her head. “I can’t say I have. Not much water in District Twelve.” </p>
<p>I shot her a grin. “You’re in for a treat. This is one of my favorite dishes.” I pretended I wasn’t watching as she took her first bite.</p>
<p>Her nose wrinkled and I felt myself deflate a little. I wasn’t sure why I wanted her to like it so badly. Some kind of district pride, I supposed. Or maybe I just felt responsible for her entire time here.</p>
<p>“You don’t like it?” I probed. </p>
<p>She let me sit in my disappointment for a moment, then grinned. “It’s delicious, actually. But I noticed you watching me, creep,” she teased, poking my shoulder with the back of her fork. </p>
<p>“Oh, you’re cruel,” I said, but I was grinning along with her. </p>
<p>I watched her look over the wines next. Haymitch had chosen without care, clearly just wanting any form of alcohol, likely wishing for something stronger. But Katniss, I had noticed from previous dinners, wasn’t a drinker. She certainly didn’t like the more bitter drinks. Which was precisely the wine she was reaching for now. </p>
<p>“Wait,” I told her, plucking a different bottle that was infinitely sweeter. “Try this one.”</p>
<p>She didn’t question me on it, allowing me to pour her a glass. I didn’t try to hide that I was watching for her reaction this time.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” she said, and took another sip before nodding. “That’s actually not bad.”</p>
<p>I smiled, feeling oddly proud. “They make it here. I’ll get some for you to bring home,” I said, and then without thinking, I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. </p>
<p>We both paused for a moment, neither of us expecting it. But it had come so naturally after our shared kisses on the beach. I nearly apologized before remembering we were in front of company, some of whom were supposed to believe in our romance. </p>
<p>Luckily, neither of us had to be the one to fill the silence, as Sanya inquired what Katniss thought of her time in Four. As they fell into conversation, my mind went back to the beach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We didn’t talk about the kissing as we made our way back to the train. We didn’t talk about it as we settled into Katniss’s bed for the night and the train took us out of Four and headed for Three. She had her back pressed to my chest. My arm draped around her waist. Wrapped up in each other, nightmares had been scarce. I hadn’t gotten this good of sleep since before my Games. </p>
<p>Just as my eyes were closing, Katniss murmured my name.</p>
<p>“Hmm?” But I knew what was coming next. Because here in the dark, with her back to me, was where she felt safe to finally talk about it. </p>
<p>“What happened on the beach?”</p>
<p>“You know what happened, Katniss.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She sighed. I remembered then that she’d told me Peeta had been her first kiss. </p>
<p>Gently, I pressed my lips to the top of her shoulder, the slim tank top allowing me to brush bare skin. “It doesn’t have to mean anything,” I murmured. “Unless you want it to.”</p>
<p>I felt her swallow. “Kissing can just be good?” she said, repeating a version of my words to her after the first time I kissed her. </p>
<p>“Exactly,” I said, smiling. “Kissing can just be good.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t have to mean anything.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” I echoed.</p>
<p>But somehow, I knew that it did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh hey, it's been a minute</p>
<p>i struggled a little with this chapter, so i took a bit of a break from it. i'm glad i did because i like this final version much much more than what i first wrote</p>
<p>hope y'all are having a good summer and social distancing!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>just a heads up, we get a little nsfw in this one :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p><em>It doesn’t have to mean anything.</em> </p>
<p>The words had been running through my head since they’d crossed Finnick’s lips. I didn’t mention them the next morning, I didn’t say anything about our heated kisses on the beach in Four. Nor had I made any move to kiss him again. </p>
<p><em>Unless you want it to.</em> </p>
<p>Did I want it to? The words, this question, they plagued me even as I stood on stage in District Three and rattled out yet another generic speech. I hadn’t known the kids of Three, not really, so it was a little easier to breathe, to think beyond the panic that the crowd and the families of the dead never failed to bring on. </p>
<p>Before I knew it, we were back on the train where I could give the thoughts my full attention. I sat in the window room, laying across one of the couches and watching the landscape go by. Beside me, a mug of hot chocolate sat untouched. </p>
<p>Relationships were never something I gave much thought. I was the girl that barely had friends, let alone something more. It helped that people assumed Gale and I were a thing, so no one had ever really tried if they were interested. Thinking about it now made me wish I had joined in some of those conversations I’d overhear girls in my grade having about their romantic lives, because I felt completely lost. If I was home, I could try talking to Madge, though I wasn’t sure she had any more of a clue than I did. But I was a thousand miles away from home and my dilemma was happening <em>now.</em> </p>
<p>There was, of course, also the fact that I was not the only party involved in this process. Even if I decided I wanted something out of this beyond friendship and a couple of nice kisses, what did Finnick want? If he was decided one way or the other, he hadn’t made it known. </p>
<p>As if summoned by my thoughts, I startled at the sound of his voice as he moved to sit on the couch across from the one I was sprawled on. He was the only person I’d met, other than Gale, who knew how to be quiet enough to sneak up on me. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked, studying me curiously. </p>
<p>I frowned. “Why must something be wrong?”</p>
<p>Finnick reached out and raised my mug as if it contained all the answers. “Your hot chocolate is full, yet cold.” </p>
<p>Damn his observant mind. “Just thinking about home.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t entirely a lie. I was thinking about home and how it didn’t really make sense to get tangled up with someone from another district, especially one as far as District Four. His world was warm beaches and brightly colored houses, where mine was quiet woods and coal dust. Two pieces of such different puzzles couldn’t possibly fit together. <em>And yet.</em></p>
<p>My eyes flickered to him, scanned his body, thinking of all the ways it fit mine. At night, when we slept with not a breadth of space between us; our hands interlocked, mine so much smaller than his, swaying as we walked; his lips, warm and perfect against my own, or my throat, my collarbone. </p>
<p>I had to look away, back to the outside world where the cold would take care of the heat creeping up my neck.  </p>
<p>“Home,” he repeated. “Well, it won’t be long now til we’re there. I’m excited to see it.”</p>
<p>This made me sit up. “See it? You won’t be in Twelve, the tour will be over.”</p>
<p>“Actually, the tour extends to the Victor’s home. A celebration for the whole district. It’s always saved for last.”</p>
<p>“The whole district?” There was excitement in my voice now. Something for everyone. That might be one celebration I could actually enjoy. “I still doubt you’re expected there, though. There’s no speech to give, no crowd to impress.”</p>
<p>Finnick raised a brow. “Do you not want me to come?”</p>
<p>“No!” I said quickly, perhaps too quickly. “It’s just . . . Twelve isn’t really like any of the other districts. Bleaker, I suppose. And it’s so much colder than you’re used to.”</p>
<p>He chuckled. “I can invest in a real winter jacket, Katniss. Besides,” he paused, giving me one of his teasing looks that meant some overly flirty comment was coming next, “you’ll keep me warm, won’t you, girl on fire?” </p>
<p>I groaned, he laughed.</p>
<p>Our eyes met, and he read something in mine that I hadn’t even known I was asking until he was patting the space beside him and I smiled.</p>
<p>Sharing his couch now, I laid out again, my head in his lap. After a while, his fingers combed subconsciously through my loose hair and I sighed in pleased contentment, closing my eyes. Sometimes we talked, sometimes we didn’t, and it was easy. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I must have fallen asleep, because I woke before the sun the next morning in Finnick’s bed without knowing how I’d gotten there. The train was stopped and outside the snow came down heavily, but it seemed too early to be in Two.</p>
<p>Carefully, I slipped out of Finnick’s arms and tiptoed out of the room. Sure enough, there were mechanics working on the train outside, so it must’ve gotten stuck. It was good that Effie hadn’t woken or she’d be in a fit. I went to my room briefly, slipping into a pair of boots and a jacket, still in the clothes I’d worn in District Three. </p>
<p>The mechanics working on the train looked up curiously as I stepped out of it. I promised that I was just getting some air while the train was paused, but they didn’t seem to really care. Surely they thought even if I tried to run, I wouldn’t get far in the snow. </p>
<p>I walked far enough to be in eyesight but away from most of the noises they made. It was darker here, away from the lights the mechanics were using to see all the parts in the dead of night. The snow was cold on my face and it reminded me of home. I picked some up, letting it run through my fingers, and wondered if it was snowing in Twelve, too. </p>
<p>I missed Prim, and Gale, and my mother. But I couldn’t deny I was more content here than I thought I would be, and that someone else had been taking up more time in my mind than anyone back home. What would they think when I brought Finnick home? Would word have gotten to them of our false romance that maybe wasn’t so false after all? </p>
<p>Someone tapped my shoulder and I jumped. An Avox offered me an apology in the form of a slight smile, then pointed behind him to the train. Time to go. <em>How fast,</em> I thought, until I realized how cold I was and knew I’d been out longer than I had thought. No wonder I’d been taken by surprise, because it wasn't that the Avox moved quietly. My mind had simply become a place too easy to slip into since my Games. </p>
<p>When I returned to Finnick’s room, sans coat and boots, he was sitting up in bed, a dazed look on his face. He didn’t seem to notice me. </p>
<p>“Finnick?” I said softly, but he didn’t respond. I saw then that his hands had picked up the small piece of rope he always kept on his nightstand, his fingers working through knot after knot. For a moment I watched, a little amazed and a little concerned. </p>
<p>Moving to the bed, I sat beside him and placed my hand on his shoulder. “Finnick.”</p>
<p>His eyes finally snapped to me. “Oh, you’re back.” He didn’t stop working the rope, even with the redness coloring his fingers. </p>
<p>“I’m back,” I agreed and placed my hand over his. “Did you have a nightmare?”</p>
<p>He ceased with the knots. “Um, a bit of one, yes.” </p>
<p>Finnick looked away as if embarrassed. I brought my hand to his cheek, forcing him to look at me, to see the understanding in my eyes. </p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. </p>
<p>“All right,” I said simply, moving back to my space on the bed. I plucked the rope out of his hands. “Tell me about this.”</p>
<p>“Just a distraction,” he murmured, but I raised my brow, clearly expecting more. He sighed dramatically, but I saw one corner of his lips rise the smallest bit. “Rope is important in fishing. Nets and all that. I’ve always enjoyed making knots, and I’m quite good at it. Somewhere along the road, it became what I did when I was having a nightmare, or a panic attack. Something to do with my hands, something calming, something I can do without thinking much about it.”</p>
<p>“Hm,” I hummed, twirling the rope around my fingers. “Knots and snares were never my speciality. My friend Gale always handled those when we hunted.” I looked up at him then. “Would you teach me one?”</p>
<p>We sat there, Finnick trying hopelessly to get my fingers to move as deftly as his did, until he was calm enough to get back to sleep. Too soon, Effie was waking us, and then it was my turn to panic, thinking about how I was responsible for Cato’s death, and in a way, Clove’s too. Finnick held me and murmured the story of how he got Goose until I calmed down. When I walked on stage, he walked with me instead of with my team, holding my hand the whole time, keeping me steady when a little girl, younger than Prim, offered me flowers and told me she hoped to volunteer like I did one day. He did it all again the next day when I had the same panic before my speech in One, telling me things about Mags and Annie. Before I walked on stage, he placed a sweet kiss to my lips and any lingering panic evaporated like early morning mist. </p>
<p>By the time we were back on the train, zooming to the Capitol for the grand party at Snow’s mansion, I was certain of what I wanted. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Katniss looked stunning and I could not stop staring at her. </p>
<p>My outfit was fine. All black with touches of gold jewelry, even a bit of kohl and gold liner on my eyes. Plain enough shoes and trousers, the latter rather tight. The shirt was a soft, thin material with sleeves that puffed in the arms but cuffed at the wrists. The neckline dipped in a V low enough to show off some of my chest.</p>
<p>But not nearly as low as Katniss’s. </p>
<p>She was in black, too. The dress seemed to be made out of feathers. In any hand other than Cinna’s, it would look silly. Instead it was insanely elegant, and, god, <em>sensual.</em> The neckline dipped all the way to her navel, the varied feathered ends making for a unique pattern on her exposed skin. Past that, the material only stayed unified long enough to reach a few inches above her knee, where a slit was in place to show off one of her gorgeous legs, elongated by the black heels her feet were strapped in. The makeup on her face was smokey to match and her dark locks were somehow sinful in loose curls down her back. My fingers twitched at my side with the desire to comb through them. If we weren’t currently trying to sell a relationship between the two of us, I’d be worried of the attention she’d get. </p>
<p><em>Gorgeous legs,</em> I thought, mentally rolling my eyes. Had I ever had such thoughts about someone’s damned <em>legs?</em> I needed to get a hold of myself. </p>
<p>Katniss looked me up and down. Her face told me she liked what she saw. “You look very nice,” she said, and I had a feeling she was flushing under her makeup. </p>
<p>I took her hands and pulled her close to me, lowering my lips to her ear. “And you look dangerous,” I murmured. If things were different between us, I might have rolled the lobe between my teeth. But we hadn’t spoken of that night on the beach since it happened, nor had we shared any more intimate moments, so instead I pulled back. </p>
<p>She pretended as if my low murmured words hadn’t affected her. “Dangerous?” </p>
<p>“Of course.” I dropped one of her hands but kept the other, leading her out of the hallway we were in, following our posse out to the car waiting to take us to Snow’s mansion. We’d gone to the Tribute Center to get all dolled up for the night and it was finally show time. “Everyone at the party is going to want to take a bite of you tonight.” </p>
<p>My point was proven immediately upon entering the mansion. Capitol citizens were lined up, full of excitement at the chance to see the girl on fire up close. Many reached out to touch her — the feathers certainly didn’t help — and many of those touches were less than innocent. I wanted to reach out and snap their wrists, especially when I saw how uncomfortable it made her, though she was trying to keep the smile Effie had nagged her about on her face. </p>
<p>Once we were inside, our group split up to enjoy the night in our own ways. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pressing her to my side. I intended to hold her close tonight, both to keep the monster’s claws away and remind them all of our relationship. They wouldn’t be touching her, no matter how much money they had, and they wouldn’t be touching me, no matter how delicious the secret. </p>
<p>“Let’s try some of the foods they rolled out for this thing, hmm?” I murmured into her hair. “It’s the one good thing about these things.”</p>
<p>We went from table to table, taking small bites of dish after dish, sipping an array of mostly alcoholic drinks. Though I didn’t stop Katniss from indulging — it was her party, after all — I kept my own drinking to a minimum. Intoxicating myself would not help me keep Katniss safe. I almost failed early into the night when I turned away for a moment, for when I turned back, Katniss was holding up a small shot of an odiously purple drink to her nose, giving it a sniff. </p>
<p>“Not that one,” I said, quickly reaching to take it from her hand and setting it back with the others. “They drink it to throw up. You know, more room in the stomach.”</p>
<p>Katniss took a step back as if she needed distance between herself and the drink, her nose wrinkled in disgust. “That’s despicable.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” I agreed, tugging her back to my side. “But let’s not say that so loud, hmm?”</p>
<p>“Right,” she murmured, schooling her face into something a little less hostile, but I could still see the anger in her eyes. </p>
<p>“How about a dance?” I offered, looking for a distraction.</p>
<p>“Dance? Oh, no, I can’t, I don’t know how. Not this kind of dancing.”</p>
<p>“Well, lucky for us, I do.” I didn’t give her a chance to argue, pulling her onto the dance floor. “Just follow my lead.”</p>
<p>Katniss struggled for the first few passes, but eventually she was able to follow well enough. She even appeared to be enjoying herself. “How do you know how to do this?”</p>
<p>“You forget how long I’ve been a Victor,” I reminded her. “Though I am curious to find out what kind of dancing you <em>do</em> consider yourself capable of.” </p>
<p>She looked away, but I could see the smile on her face. “Maybe I’ll show you someday, if you’re nice.” </p>
<p>I took the opportunity to lean into her, inhaling the perfume they’d used on her tonight. Some kind of citrus and vanilla mix that went well with the naturally spiced, smoky scent she always carried with her. </p>
<p>“What’s your definition of <em>nice,</em> darling?” I murmured into her ear. I was close enough to feel the way her breath hitched at my words. Smirking, I planted a kiss to the base of her throat, continuing against her skin, “Because I can be very, very <em>nice,</em> Katniss, just say the word.”</p>
<p>I was laying it on thick and it was certainly not just for the audience around us, though I thought we must be playing the role of young lovers very well tonight. We were the most stunning people in the room, and we only had eyes for each other. And I was very much enjoying it. Maybe I’d had more to drink than I’d thought. </p>
<p>“Finnick,” she breathed, and I had a feeling that she was very much enjoying herself, too. </p>
<p>“Miss Everdeen!”</p>
<p>A deep, boisterous voice had us pulling apart. Katniss looked at the heavyset man, embarrassed to be caught in our little moment. I simply looked at the man, a Gamemaker named Plutarch Heavensbee, with a touch of boredom and annoyance at his interruption. </p>
<p>“Ah, and Mr. Odair as well, of course. Everyone’s favorite new couple.” </p>
<p>“That’s us,” I said, pulling Katniss close again. The arm I draped over her was more territorial than I liked to be, but Plutarch was just another monster with claws to protect her from.</p>
<p>My apparent claim on Katniss, however, did not defer Plutarch. “Let me introduce myself. Plutarch Heavensbee, new Head Gamemaker.”</p>
<p><em>Head Gamemaker,</em> I thought. That was new indeed.</p>
<p>“Oh, I remember you,” Katniss said. “You were the one that fell into the punch bowl, right?”</p>
<p>Plutarch’s face turned a shade of red that probably rivaled the said punch. I snickered under my breath. </p>
<p>Regardless, he dipped his head in recognition, and carried on. His attention was on me now. “Might I borrow her for a dance?” </p>
<p>I raised a brow at him as if surprised he’d still offer, then turned to Katniss. “It’s up to you, of course, darling.” </p>
<p>And of course, Katniss knew as well as I did that when it came to responding to requests from Capitol officials, it was a question that only had one correct answer, if you valued your life. </p>
<p>“One dance would be quite all right,” she said, taking the arm he held out to her. “But I warn you, I’m a foot stepper.” </p>
<p>I watched Plutarch lead her further into the throng of dancers, schooling my expression into something neutral enough, even though my insides were filling with worry. What did he want with her? If Snow had decided our relationship was no longer beneficial . . .</p>
<p>Stalking off the dance floor, I found a drink — just water, this time — and gulped down half of it in one go. As I stood there, my neck heated with more than just my anger, mixing in the uncomfortable kind of warmth that only came from a pair of watchful eyes. It took only a moment to figure out who they belonged to.</p>
<p>President Snow himself, high up on the balcony where other party guests weren’t allowed. His snakelike smile curled on his aging face as our eyes met. The hand that held his colorful drink rose, subtly tipping the glass toward me. I raised my own in response, but kept my face blank. There was no need for smiles on my end anymore. Snow didn’t appreciate lies. </p>
<p>We drank. </p>
<p>I gulped down the rest of my water. By the time I finished, lowering my glass, Snow was already moving on. I hadn’t expected anything more. </p>
<p>Winning my Games so young had given me an advantage over most other Victors. I learned early in my life the way Snow operated and slowly found my own ways to navigate him and make my own moves, such as the collection of secrets I had on him that he couldn’t possibly know I knew. The past ten years had taught me how to walk in this twisted world where it was so easy to make the wrong step.</p>
<p>We were playing a new game now, Snow and I. He knew my cards and I knew his. His tipped glass didn’t tell me much about whether he approved of how Katniss and I had played our parts, just that the game was still on. After eight years of the same thing, I think he liked playing something new. </p>
<p>“Finnick Odair?”</p>
<p>The sensual voice brought me from my thoughts. I turned to the sound, automatically stepping into my role of the Capitol’s favorite. An easy smile, teasing eyes, a tongue dipped in flirty words, ready to unload them. </p>
<p>Atonia Dovecote, self-declared Lady in Red, stood before me. It was a fitting nickname, admittedly. The woman, who was at least two decades older than I, had long red hair, the shade shocking to the eyes. Unsurprisingly, she wore a long red dress, darker than her hair. In odd places, pieces of the fabric were torn as if bitten by an animal, but I knew it was supposed to be fashionable. What always stood out the most about Atonia, however, were her eyes. She wore some type of contact, the color the same bright red as her hair. </p>
<p>She was one of my recurring clients and had been paying for my company from the start.</p>
<p>“Atonia,” I said, trying to keep the purr out of my voice that I usually used when speaking to one of my forced lovers. For once, I was under no obligation to seduce her, please her, and I wanted to take advantage of it. </p>
<p>She strode to my side. I didn’t like the look in her eyes. Even with the outrageous contacts, I could see the desire. Her hand came up to my face, running a finger along my jaw. </p>
<p>“You haven’t been in the Capitol lately,” she said, lips tugged down in a pout. I had reason to believe it was a look that typically got her what she wanted. </p>
<p>“I haven’t,” I agreed, taking her wrist and gently lowering her hand from my face. “I’ve been on tour with our newest Victor.” I motioned around us with my hands, a reminder of the reason for the grand party taking place.</p>
<p>“Of course, it’s been all the talk,” Atonia murmured, a bitterness in her tone that I had to keep from smiling at. “But you’re back now, right?” Her hand came to rest on my arm. </p>
<p>Her touch brought back too many memories, none that I wished to relive. I shrugged away from her, something I never could have done before without risking punishment. But, at least for now, I was no longer her plaything. </p>
<p>“Actually, we’re leaving for Twelve after the party.”</p>
<p>Atonia frowned. “But why?” </p>
<p>It was difficult to keep the frustration out of my tone. “Because that’s the last tour stop. It always ends in the Victor’s home district.” I relaxed my shoulders, realizing how tense they’d become. “And besides, I would like to see where my lover grew up.” </p>
<p>“Lover,” she repeated, not hiding the acid in her voice now. “So, you and the Everdeen girl are . . . “</p>
<p>“Exclusive,” I filled in for her, grinning now. “In fact, I foresee spending lots of time in District Twelve with her.” I had no clue if that was true, but it felt good to stand up to her after all these years of bowing to her every whim. </p>
<p>Atonia’s nose scrunched up as if spending time in Twelve was the worst thing she could imagine. “That’s . . . unfortunate.” She took a step closer, not willing to give up so easily. “You’re <em>sure</em> you don’t have just a few hours? I’ve missed you, gorgeous.”</p>
<p>I felt bile rising in my throat and wondered if I had accidentally drunk one of the ghastly purple concoctions. Her voice had lowered, similarly to how it did in bed. If I reached out, I felt sure I would feel her burgundy silk sheets beneath me, tangled around our bodies. </p>
<p>I looked away, unable to stare at all of the <em>red</em> that was Atonia. My eyes scanned the crowd, looking, looking, and there, a few tables away. Katniss had finished her dance with Plutarch and was knocking back a drink. I frowned, concerned, but then she looked up and caught sight of me. Something in my face must have shown what I was feeling inside, because in an instant she was striding over to us.</p>
<p>“There you are!” she said, having no problem stepping right in between Atonia and I, her body shielding me from the woman without even acknowledging her. The nausea subsided and I could breathe again. </p>
<p>“Here I am,” I said, my arms circling her waist, keeping her close. “Have a good dance?”</p>
<p>“It was . . . interesting, to say the least,” she said, and I could tell there was more to say, something that she’d tell me when it was just the two of us. </p>
<p>Atonia cleared her throat loud enough to be heard over the music. Katniss whirled to face her, startled, pretending that she truly hadn’t seen her. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I interrupt?” She didn’t give Atonia time to respond, sticking out her hand. “I’m Katniss Everdeen.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I know,” Atonia said, chuckling darkly as she took her hand. “You’re why we’re all here, after all”</p>
<p>“Very true.” Katniss turned back to me then, taking both of my hands in hers. “Can we get out of here?” </p>
<p>I checked the time and shrugged, pretending as if her request wasn’t music to my ears. We had stayed long enough to appease the crowd. Soon everyone would be wasted, spending the night dancing and eating or sneaking off to quench a different kind of appetite. Our absence wouldn’t be noticed. “Sure, let me just tell Effie—”</p>
<p>Katniss cut me off with a giggle, which first alerted me that something was off. “No! Effie will have us go back to the train. I wanna go to your place, like last time.”</p>
<p>Last time, which was also the first time we met. </p>
<p>“Please?” she added, and damn, I knew I couldn’t say no to her. Not with the way she was looking at me, and not after she’d just saved me from something she had no idea I even needed saving from. </p>
<p><em>When had I become so affected by her?</em> </p>
<p>“All right, sure. Just for a little while.”</p>
<p>Katniss grinned and spun back to face Atonia. “Lovely meeting you,” she said, not trying to hide how little sincerity her tone held. </p>
<p>I grinned, too, waving to Atonia before letting Katniss drag me off. A moment later, I had to hold tight to her waist to steady her as she stumbled on her feet.</p>
<p>“Damn heels,” she grumbled, but I had a feeling it was more than her shoes that were causing her wavering balance. “Who was that woman, anyway?”</p>
<p>“No one important.” </p>
<p>Outside, I ordered a car for us. Typically, I had a personal driver I employed when I was in the Capitol, but I hadn’t been expecting to need a car tonight. It took longer than usual to get one, and even longer to reach my apartment, some sort of accident causing a traffic delay. Katniss was practically bouncing beside me. </p>
<p>Once we were in my apartment, I understood why. </p>
<p>“I want it to,” she said as soon as the door closed behind me.</p>
<p>My confused eyes met hers, dark with wanting. </p>
<p>“I want it to mean something,” she continued, and before I could say anything, her lips were crashing against mine. I moaned against her, taken aback as I suddenly got what I’d wanted all night long. </p>
<p>I did not hesitate to kiss her back, taking control and pushing her up against the nearest wall. She hummed against my lips, pleased to let me take the lead. My lower half stirred and I knew I wanted her on my bed. I kicked my shoes off, and after realizing she couldn’t do the same, broke the kiss long enough to kneel before her, undoing the delicate straps of her heels. Katniss whined until my mouth found hers again. I took hold of one of her legs, bringing it up to my waist. She understood and did the rest of the work for me, wrapping her legs tight around me as I heaved her into my arms, one of my hands on her back, the other on her ass. </p>
<p>Kicking my bedroom door open, I laid her out on my bed, glad I’d left the place clean. For a moment, our eyes locked. Her eyes were wild and I was sure she was seeing the same wildness in my own. And then we were kissing again, hard and desperate. My tongue slid along her lower lip, begging for entrance. When it was granted, I explored eagerly, our tongues meeting. Her muffled moan traveled from her mouth to mine.</p>
<p>When I pulled back, we were both breathing heavily. Her eyes moved from mine to my lips, silently calling me back. Instead, I started a trail of kisses from the beginning of her cleavage down to where it stopped just above her navel. <em>This damned dress,</em> I thought. It allowed so much access. With one swipe of fabric, her breasts would be bared to me. The high slit would make it almost too easy for my hand to slip between her legs. </p>
<p>I looked up and saw she was watching me intently, her eyes hungry and a little glazed. My senses kicked in then, but it still took all my strength to pull back. </p>
<p>“We have to stop, Katniss,” I said, even if every other part of my body was screaming otherwise. </p>
<p>“What, why?” The genuine hurt on her face almost made me give in. Katniss was rarely so openly vulnerable, but the alcohol was easing her walls. “You don’t want me?”</p>
<p>In response, I rolled my hips against hers, watching her face as her eyes widened. I knew, of course, that she would be able to feel just how much I wanted her. It’d been years since I had been this hard with my own true desire. The ache was almost painful. </p>
<p>To really drive in my point, I climbed back up to her and pressed my body against hers, my lips brushing along her ear. Like I had wanted to do earlier tonight, I took the lobe between my teeth, nibbling just enough to tease the line between pain and pleasure. </p>
<p>“What I <em>want,</em>” I spoke, my voice a low grumble, “is to fuck you so good you forget your own name.” I heard her suck in a breath and chuckled. “But that’s not going to happen until you’re sober.”</p>
<p>This time when I pulled away, I did so entirely, rolling over to the opposite side of the bed. <em>This is the right thing to do.</em> I had to think the words over and over as my body begged to do the opposite. </p>
<p>“I’m sober,” Katniss argued, pouting. The gesture was so unlike anything I’d seen on her before that I was laughing again.</p>
<p>“No, love, you’re not.”</p>
<p>Katniss grunted but said no more. </p>
<p>Quiet stretched between us. Just as I was about to excuse myself to go get rid of the tent in my pants, her quiet voice traveled across the mattress. </p>
<p>“What if I’m too afraid to say it when I’m sober?” </p>
<p>I took a moment to think of my answer. “Katniss, you’re the bravest person I know. You just have to trust yourself, and trust me. Do you trust me?” </p>
<p>I expected her to think about it, but she nodded without hesitation. </p>
<p>“Well, then there’s nothing to worry about.” I leaned over, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “If it can’t be said sober, it isn’t worth saying.”</p>
<p>I stood then, murmuring about needing the restroom. As soon as the lock clicked behind me, my pants were unzipped. I was so worked up that it didn’t take many strokes. My throat rumbled with a groan as I bit down on my lip to keep it contained. It was the best release I’d had in a while, even if it had come from my own hand. Half the time I couldn’t even enjoy solo play anymore. </p>
<p>Zipping myself back up, I moved to the mirror, washing my filthy hands. I splashed icy water on my face for good measure, trying to look as normal as possible. But there was an undeniable flush to my cheeks, a glow in my eyes. </p>
<p>It didn’t matter. When I returned, Katniss was asleep. She stayed that way, completely knocked out, even as I carried her out of the apartment and into a car that took us to the train station. Her body was not used to so much alcohol consumption. </p>
<p>Effie seemed to still be at the party, but Haymitch was back, clearly drunk and spread out on the couch in the living area. He gave me a look as I walked in with Katniss in my arms, confusion turning to a knowing grin. </p>
<p>“Good time tonight?” he asked, snickering. </p>
<p>“Fuck off, Haymitch,” I grumbled as I passed. His laughter slowly faded as I walked down the hall to our rooms. </p>
<p>After a moment of consideration, I took Katniss to her own room. I tucked her under the covers of her bed, leaving her dress on. It would have to do. Before leaving for my own room, I found some aspirin and a glass of water to leave by her bedside table. Beside it I scratched out a note so she knew it was from me. </p>
<p>I could’ve curled up beside her. That was our usual routine. But tonight had been another step for us. A big one. I had no idea how she’d feel about it come morning. It seemed best to let her decide that on her own. Besides, I was pretty sure the alcohol would keep her nightmares at bay. </p>
<p>Before heading to bed myself, I grabbed some more aspirin and chugged the pills down with a full glass of water. I was fairly sober, but it couldn’t hurt. In my own room, I stripped myself of the night's attire, tugging on a pair of sweats and leaving it at that before surrendering to bed. Between the party, the orgasm, and carrying Katniss around, I was exhausted. As I closed my eyes, my hand reached out to take my rope, knowing I’d need it when my own nightmares came crawling.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i wrote this chapter half asleep and thought it was so shitty but then when i was editing it i was like hold up i think i did sumn this slaps!! i'm sure i'll change my mind in two days but hey!! hope y'all enjoy this as much as i do (for now)</p>
<p>p.s. okay listen i PROMISE when i was describing kat's dress i was just trying to be like ~hehe sexy mockingjay and it wasn't until i was editing that i went wait a minute i've seen this before . . . and realized it's basically a cuter (imo) version of the dress feyre wears on the cover of ACOTAR. BUT I DON'T WANNA CHANGE IT SO JUST PRETEND IT'S NOT OKAY THANKS XOXO</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>When I woke the next morning, I noticed three things simultaneously. First, I was in my room on the train with no memory of how I’d gotten there. Second, I was still in my black dress from the party, though my feet were blissfully bare. And third, I had possibly the worst headache of my life. </p>
<p>Thankfully, the room was still dark. Judging from a glance outside, it would be at least a half hour before the sun began to rise. I brought my head back to my pillow and groaned. All I wanted was to go back to sleep. Why had I even woken up? For once, I knew it hadn’t been from a nightmare. I hadn’t been dreaming at all. A moment later, the answer revealed itself.</p>
<p>I was never more grateful that these rooms on the train had their own connected bathrooms as I raced to the toilet, where I deposited all evidence from last night. It came in rounds, and I sat on the bathroom floor until I was certain I was finished. </p>
<p>On the return to bed, I noticed for the first time what had been left on my nightstand. A glass of water, which I was eager to chug, two small white pills, and a note. Dutifully, I picked up the small piece of paper first, realizing who had written it from the handwriting alone. I was instantly reminded of the phone number that had comforted me for months. </p>
<p>
  <em>“You’ll thank me later.<br/>- F.”</em>
</p>
<p>The message was simple, but I was smiling as I read it anyway. Of course it would have been Finnick that got me to my room safely last night. I only wondered why he hadn’t joined me. </p>
<p>I didn’t have long to think about it before the hammer came down on my skull again. Setting the note aside, I shoved both of the pills into my mouth and swallowed them down with the water, gulping down the whole glass. I settled back into bed, and without even remembering closing my eyes, fell back into slumber.</p>
<p>The next time I woke, the room was bright. I blinked warily at the sunlight, knowing my head would not like it, only to realize the pounding had stopped. Medicine in the Capitol was no joke. With the clearing of my mind, however, came the clarity of the previous night. First was the alcohol. I’d had my fair share, though I hadn’t been trying to get wasted until I had met eyes with Snow. My mind replayed the chilling look he gave me. He was not impressed with my Victory Tour appearances. That was when I’d taken the potent drink and chugged it down. The effect was like no other. </p>
<p>Then I’d seen Finnick with that woman, clearly wishing not to be in her presence. I’d interfered, feeling a little looser from the alcohol running through my blood. I remembered wanting to go to his apartment. The way he was looking at me made me sure I’d get whatever I wanted. Sure enough, we left. The next image was us in the elevator up to his apartment, my heart feeling like it was beating double time. And then—</p>
<p>Oh. <em>Oh.</em> </p>
<p>Kissing, so much kissing. His body crushing mine against the wall, his fingers working off my heels, my body in his arms, still kissing. Moving to his bed. His lips trailing down the skin revealed from my insanely low-cut neckline. I was still in the dress and my finger traced the same path absently now. Finnick, looking at me with such desperation. More than anything else, I remembered how much I <em>wanted.</em> He stopped before we could go any further, but his words echoed in my mind. My cheeks turned bright red, but the rest of my body flushed with a different kind of heat. </p>
<p>And all of this had started from a kiss that <em>I</em> had started. From my words, <em>I want it to mean something.</em></p>
<p>Suddenly I was rushing back to the bathroom. Turning on the sink, I splashed cold water on my face. When I met my own eyes in the mirror, I looked mad. My cheeks were still hot at the thought of it all, Finnick’s coarse words in particular. My eyes were dark with the same wanting as last night, the same desperate, wild look I’d seen reflected in his eyes. </p>
<p>It wasn’t enough. My whole body was <em>burning.</em> Of course, this was a much different kind of fire than what had been hurled at me in the arena. If I was being honest, it wasn’t a bad feeling. But like any flame, it was worrisome. </p>
<p>I nearly ripped my dress pulling it off. Any underthings were next, and then I was in the shower, turning the dial to the right until an icy rain met my heated skin. I hadn’t bathed in cold water since before my Games, but it felt good now. I went through the motions of washing last night away until I was sparkly clean. </p>
<p>The chill hit me once I stepped out of the shower. I hurried to pull on one of the fluffy white robes that I’d rarely had time to make use of during my tour. Sitting back on my bed, I took a deep breath. It was easier to think with the heat gone. Now that I was past it, I remembered what had come after. </p>
<p>
  <em>What if I’m too afraid to say it when I’m sober?</em>
</p>
<p>And this I knew, more than anything, was the cause of my panic. No wonder Haymitch was always so blunt. The liquor made it easy. </p>
<p>I didn’t know how to be the person I’d been last night. Maybe if it was just the kissing I wanted, just the <em>sex</em> — because there was no denying I wanted that now, too — it would be easier. But that wasn’t all I wanted. Finnick knew that now, too. I could play it off as drunk words that meant nothing, but he would see through that. Something more, something that meant something. My usual excuses immediately came to mind. I was too busy for all of that. I had a family to take care of. But that wasn’t true anymore. My family was just fine. We had more money than we knew what to do with. Plenty of food, the best home District Twelve could provide. </p>
<p>Then there were the new excuses. I couldn’t give Snow another piece to hurt me with. But wasn’t it too late for that? And besides, Finnick, a Victor himself, was already a player in Snow’s game. My involvement didn’t change that.</p>
<p>So what was left? What reason did I have to deny myself this? I was afraid, certainly, though of what I couldn’t quite pinpoint. The unknown was the best guess I had. But I trusted him, of this I was absolutely certain. The timing then, perhaps. I had been a girl satisfied with being alone, and now two weeks with this golden man and suddenly I wanted, craved. Wasn’t that absurd? <em>It’s not an engagement,</em> the part of me that wanted answered. <em>And you’ve been interested far longer than two weeks.</em> I could not argue with that, either. For months I’d been holding that now worn piece of paper with his number on it, clinging to this little piece of hope every time my nightmares came roaring. </p>
<p>This time, the part of me that was cautious could think of only one rebuttal. <em>What does</em> he <em>even want?</em></p>
<p>I didn’t completely feel in control of my movements as I stood, shrugging out of the robe and pulling on the first clothes I touched, not bothering to assure they matched. My feet moved fast, taking me from my room to his, not even taking the time to knock. The sight of him, however, brought me to an abrupt stop. </p>
<p>Finnick was still asleep, or perhaps <em>back</em> to sleep was the better wording; his worn rope was clutched in one hand. I could guess his sleep had not been as nightmare free as mine. He was sprawled out on the bed, one arm hanging off the side, head lolled off his pillow, blanket kicked away during slumber. His golden hair was sticking up in all different directions, but somehow it still looked perfect. </p>
<p>What really took hold of me, though, was that only his bottom half was clothed, his chest completely bared. I’d never seen him shirtless. Perhaps he’d been wearing one to bed only for my sake. Then, there was the matter of his sweatpants. The fabric must have shifted in the night, now sitting dangerously low on his hips. It was clear he had nothing on underneath them. </p>
<p>My heart was doing double time again. </p>
<p>I took a step back, knowing I should leave. This felt violating somehow and I regretted entering without knocking. My hand reached out to steady myself on a nearby shelf as I reeled in my suddenly frazzled mind. My fingers brushed a vase I hadn’t noticed, because I hadn’t bothered looking, and sent it crashing to the floor. Miraculously, it didn't break, but the noise startled even me. Finnick awoke with a sudden start, gripping his rope like a weapon. His eyes searched frantically for a threat until they found me, standing in the doorway like a caught thief. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” I squeaked out. </p>
<p>He stared at me like I might not actually be real. And then, with an intake of breath, he seemed to gain his own clarity. I wondered if, like myself, images of last night had come to him upon waking, too. “Katniss,” he said, sounding surprised. </p>
<p>“Um, hi.”</p>
<p>Silence stretched between us. I longed to ask him what he was thinking, but I was too afraid of the answer.</p>
<p>Finally, he spoke. “You look well. Head all right?”</p>
<p>I nodded. “The medicine worked great.”</p>
<p>“Good,” he murmured.</p>
<p>“And you?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, yes. Though I wasn’t quite as intoxicated to begin with.”</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>Another stretch of silence. Both of us seemed to be avoiding the details of the previous night. Was this a bad sign?</p>
<p>“So,” he said finally, clearing his throat. “Do you . . . remember last night?”</p>
<p>I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“Everything?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” I repeated. I felt itchy, eager to rip off the bandage already. Regardless of how it went, I needed to know, unable to sit with the anxiety. I steeled myself, raising my chin and keeping my eyes locked with his as I forced out the next words. “Unless you <em>didn’t</em> tell me you wanted to fuck me so good I forget my name.”</p>
<p>Finnick flinched and then did something I’d never seen him do the entire time I’d known him; he flushed. His eyes were trained on the floor, unable to meet mine. This was so new I found myself taking another step back, practically pressed to the door. It shut behind me with a click. Finnick was always so sure, teasing, and even cocky at times. I’d never seen him <em>embarrassed.</em></p>
<p>“No, I did say that.” He sighed, and when he looked up again, there was anguish written on his face. “Katniss, I’m so sorry, I should have never been so <em>vulgar</em> and—”</p>
<p>I cut him off. “I wasn’t seeking an apology,” I said quickly, afraid I would lose all my nerve. But I needed him to know the truth, all of it. Rip off the bandage. “I don’t have a problem with what you said.”</p>
<p>Finnick blinked slowly twice, looking as if what I’d said had been the last thing he was expecting. His next words came slowly, like each was its own sentence. “You don’t have a problem with it.”</p>
<p>“No,” I spoke softly. Another rip. My voice was even quieter. “I liked it.”</p>
<p>Something close to a hiss left Finnick’s lips as he sucked in a breath. His rope fell to the floor as his hands gripped the bed sheets instead, as if he was restraining himself. Looking at his face, it almost seemed like he was in pain. His eyes stayed closed as he spoke his next words, clearly taking effort to keep them even. “I believe you said some things last night, too.”</p>
<p>There it was. The biggest revelation, at least for me. What I wanted, laid out in the open. Except not open enough, because they hadn’t been spoken sober. I couldn’t blame him for wanting that from me, but I still felt my stomach twist. Surely if I threw up, that would put this conversation on pause. </p>
<p>More of Finnick’s words came back to me then, what he’d told me when I’d expressed my fears. <em>You’re the bravest person I know.</em></p>
<p>“Be brave then,” I mumbled to myself, too low for him to hear. It got him to open his eyes, though. He stared at me, brow raised. </p>
<p>
  <em>Now or never, Katniss.</em>
</p>
<p>I met his glance head on. “I want it to mean something,” I said, surprised with how clear my voice was, the strength of the words. “I want <em>us</em> to mean something.” </p>
<p>The words acted as a trigger, a release. Finnick was up faster than I would’ve thought he could move. And then his lips — soft, warm, and perfect as always — crashed against mine. In that moment, all the tension we’d built up evaporated, and it was just us, kissing like we were running out of time. It felt right, as natural as breathing. </p>
<p>I didn't know how long our lips had been connected when I pulled back to suck in a gulp of air. I let out a breathy laugh. “So, am I right to assume the feeling is mutual?”</p>
<p>Finnick grinned down at me, and in answer, kissed me again. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck, though one hand traveled down the expanse of his back, enjoying the way his warm, bare skin felt underneath my palm. From his small hum, Finnick seemed to like it, too. </p>
<p>When I felt his hand gripping my thigh, I didn’t hesitate to respond, lifting one leg, and once he had hold of me, the other. Just like last night, he had me in his arms, my limbs wrapped around him tightly. It was quite helpful, truthfully, considering our height difference. He kept my back pressed against the door as his lips moved to trail down my neck. I moaned as he nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin. </p>
<p>We were completely wrapped up in each other, so when the sudden knock came to the door, we almost went crashing backwards in our surprise, but Finnick managed to right us just in time. I’d let out a gasp though, which apparently meant <em>come in</em> on this train. </p>
<p>The door flung open, only barely missing my back. Effie took in the sight of us, her eyes widening. I was still wrapped around Finnick, clinging to him like some kind of animal. I didn’t need a mirror to know the flush that coated my face was bright. </p>
<p>“What on earth are you two doing?” Effie hissed once she had collected herself. “If you hadn’t noticed, the train has stopped.”</p>
<p>I <em>hadn’t</em> noticed, but one look out the window confirmed it. We were in Twelve. I was home.</p>
<p>Finnick didn’t let Effie catching us get to him, though. He was back to himself, confident and sure. “And just how late did <em>you</em> stay out last night, Effie? We should’ve reached Twelve hours ago.”</p>
<p>Somehow, Effie’s face went paler than it already was. She seemed to be trying to come up with a reply, and failing. Nose in the air, Effie huffed and stalked off. Finnick shut the door and then we were both laughing.</p>
<p>“Well, I should get dressed. I’m guessing I’ll need something a little warmer than this, hm?” He motioned to his half dressed body. </p>
<p>I laughed and nodded. “Just a little.”</p>
<p>Finnick sighed, but nodded in return. Then, quick as lightning, his lips were on mine, only for a moment. From my lips, he pressed kisses across my jaw until he got to my ear, where his teeth came down. I gasped, my back arching, nails digging into the skin on his back. He seemed to have picked up very quickly that this was a good reaction from me; he simply chuckled. </p>
<p>Then, in a low voice, he murmured, “Don’t you dare think I’m done with you.”</p>
<p>I shivered more than I would out in the District Twelve cold.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>I had been to Twelve once before, for my own Victory Tour so many years ago. Overall, it didn’t look far off from what I remembered, if not in a little worse shape. But I hadn’t remembered it being this fucking <em>cold.</em></p>
<p>Katniss and I had our arms linked. I was practically clinging to her body for extra warmth as we walked through the snowy streets, except it had apparently gotten so cold that the snow had frozen over. It wasn’t the fluffy stuff that kids supposedly played in. No, it was more like walking on ice. Of course, Katniss wasn’t having any difficulty with it, but I constantly felt one second away from busting my ass. It didn’t help that everyone we passed was looking at us — or more likely, looking at me. I must look as out of place as I felt. </p>
<p>When I looked down at Katniss, she was looking at me, her lips pulled down. “Your ears are so red,” she said with a shake of her head. “We need to find you a hat.”</p>
<p>It was my turn to frown. “I’m not sure my hair would like that.”</p>
<p>This got a smile out of her, like I knew it would. “Now <em>there’s</em> the vain Finnick Odair I expected from the start.”</p>
<p>I shot her a grin. “You don’t get to be this pretty without learning to set boundaries, darling.” </p>
<p>As we approached Twelve’s Victor’s Village, the frown returned to her face. I noticed her hand curling and uncurling at her side. Very carefully so that I didn’t send both of us tumbling down, I nudged Katniss with my hip. “Isn’t it the boyfriend that’s supposed to be nervous to meet the girl’s mother?”</p>
<p>A smile flashed on her face for a millisecond at the word <em>boyfriend,</em> and then she was tense again, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “I’ve never done this before.” </p>
<p>“Don’t worry, parents love me.” Annie’s had, anyway, until they connected that she’d only been reaped because Snow was getting back at <em>me.</em></p>
<p>Katniss didn’t answer, I wasn’t even sure she’d heard me. Her eyes were focused on the door to her home that we were approaching. Just as we reached it, she came to a sudden stop. “Are you allergic to cats?”</p>
<p>“Erm, no?” </p>
<p>Her face scrunched up as if she’d almost been hoping I’d say yes, like that might put off this introduction a little bit longer. Finally, she sighed. “All right, then.” Katniss opened the door. </p>
<p>Immediately, I felt the warmth wrap around us as we stepped inside. I tried not to make my relief too palpable. We shrugged out of our coats and other winter layers. It was strange. At home, all I ever needed to do was take off my shoes. </p>
<p>“Mom? Prim?” Katniss called.</p>
<p>“Living room!” an excited voice called, clearly Prim. </p>
<p>There were some structural differences in our homes, mostly related to climate I assumed, but overall it was rather similar. I could point myself in the right direction even if I didn’t have Katniss as a guide. </p>
<p>We stepped into the cozy living room, greeted with cheers of, “Welcome home!” Her mother and Prim must have known the train had arrived. They were waiting with a cake, the room covered in homemade decor, such as garland made from colorful pieces of paper. Prim was holding a cat so ugly it was adorable, but she put the hairball down to run to her sister. Katniss brightened instantly, momentarily forgetting the upcoming introductions as she hugged the younger girl close to her chest. </p>
<p>“Hey, little duck,” she murmured into her hair. The love they held for each other radiated from them like the glow of the sun and there was no wonder why Katniss had so easily taken her place in the arena. </p>
<p>I looked from the two of them to Katniss’s mother then, who was already looking at me. Deciding I’d ought to make good on my promise, I walked over to her. “Mrs. Everdeen,” I said, hand outstretched, “It’s lovely to finally meet you. I’m Finnick Odair. They sent me on tour with your daughter, as a . . . past Victor to current, sort of thing.” An excusable lie, I thought. Katniss surely didn’t want the truth said in front of her sister. </p>
<p>Her mother took my hand. “Yes, we’ve noticed.” Of course. The tour was televised, to some degree. I wasn’t entirely sure how Snow handled it when it came to the rowdy crowds. It wasn’t something the districts loved to watch regardless, but obviously her family would have tuned in.</p>
<p>“Right,” I murmured, smiling sheepishly. Katniss came to my rescue then, having pulled away from her sister to come greet her mother. </p>
<p>I turned to Prim. “Hi,” I said, crouching a little so that I was closer to her level. “You must be Prim. Katniss has told me so much about you. I’m—”</p>
<p>“Finnick Odair,” Prim supplied, beating me to it. She was smiling, but there was something in her eyes as she looked from Katniss, then back to me, that I couldn’t place. I knew from Katniss that she was only 13, but there was an air about Prim that was much more mature than that. “I saw you on stage with Katniss. On the television.” She raised a brow. </p>
<p>I felt my face flush for the second time today. The Everdeen sisters would be the death of me.</p>
<p>I decided to match her confidence. “Yes, you most definitely did. I was very lucky to get to spend these past two weeks getting to know your lovely sister.”</p>
<p>Prim’s investigative demeanor fell away, leaving nothing but a beaming sister. “She’s great, isn’t she? Most people don’t know, because she keeps to herself. But it sounds like she actually talked to you, which is impressive.”</p>
<p>“Primrose,” Katniss huffed, clearly picking up on the end of that conversation. </p>
<p>“What? I didn’t say anything untruthful,” Prim said, giggling. </p>
<p>I laughed along with her. “No, from what I’ve learned, that sounds quite spot on.” </p>
<p>Katniss glared at me and I met it with a grin. As she turned to look at the cake, I saw a glimpse of her lips tugging up. </p>
<p>Stretching back to my full height, I moved beside Katniss to take a look at her welcome treat. It was gorgeous, white with dainty yellow detailing and frosted flowers. On top was written in a neat script, <em>Welcome Home Katniss.</em> She frowned at it and I wondered if she didn’t like the idea of her family spending money on her, even though they had so much of it now. </p>
<p>I suspected I was right when Katniss murmured, “You didn’t have to get me a cake.”</p>
<p>Prim came to stand at her other side and found her sister's hand. “We just wanted to get something small, one of the pre-decorated ones. It was at Mr. Mellark’s insistence that he make it more personal. He wanted that for you.” </p>
<p><em>Mr. Mellark.</em> It clicked for me then. Peeta Mellark’s father. Katniss had mentioned something about his family running the only bakery in District Twelve. The cost of the cake wasn’t the issue at all. </p>
<p>“It’s still bigger than necessary. Especially when we have the festival to go to tonight.”</p>
<p>I almost groaned at the reminder. An outdoor festival, a celebration for Katniss’s victory in the Games, in this absurdly cold district. Maybe she was right about the hat. </p>
<p>“I know, but I just couldn’t say no to him. Besides, Gale can take the extra home with him.”</p>
<p>That seemed to take Katniss aback. “Gale?”</p>
<p>As if summoned, a tall man, nearly my height, shuffled inside from the foyer. He looked, truly, a lot like Katniss. The same dark hair and olive-toned skin. They could be related. Only then did I realize how little Katniss resembled her actual family, her mother and sister with their blonde hair and pale skin. Katniss must have gotten everything from her father. </p>
<p>“Sorry I’m late,” the man that must be Gale said. “Had to convince Posy you didn’t need the <em>whole</em> family to come crowd around you when we’ll all see you tonight, anyway.”</p>
<p>“Gale,” Katniss breathed out. I couldn’t place her tone. Another moment and she was running over to him, crushing her arms around him like she hadn’t completely expected him to still be here. </p>
<p>Gale chuckled, seeming happy to let her cling to him. “Good to see you too, Catnip.” He towered over Katniss similarly to how I did, so it was easy for him to look up and meet my eyes as their hug continued. His look was much more untrusting than Katniss’s mother and sister had given. From what I had heard about her friendship with him, it was purely platonic. But looking at them now, I knew there were feelings on at least one side of this relationship. </p>
<p>Katniss pulled back and Gale’s eyes returned to her. “Look at you,” he murmured. Even this close, my ears strained to pick up on his words.  “And only two weeks.”</p>
<p>Her reply was too low for me to hear. Gale shook his head. They didn’t seem to need many words to communicate. Ridiculously, something prickled inside me. </p>
<p>He moved further into the room then, walking, I realized, towards me. Determined to make a good impression on <em>all</em> of Katniss’s loved ones, I dutifully stuck out my hand and offered a polite smile. “Finnick Odair.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Gale murmured. His hand shook mine with a firm, almost too firm, grip. “Seen you on television.” There was something in his tone that I couldn’t quite place until his next words came. “They sure do like you a lot, in the Capitol.” </p>
<p>Ah. So he wasn’t referring to my string of appearances with Katniss, but the same rumors that had haunted me for years now. I never correct people’s assumptions — I <em>couldn’t</em> — so I responded the same as I always did. A tight smile, a nod. “Yes, they certainly do.”</p>
<p>“Prim,” Katniss’s voice came before either of us could say anything more. “Help Mom with the cake? I’m going to give Finn a tour of the house.” </p>
<p>Prim nodded, happy to be of help. Katniss hesitated for a moment, then reached out for my hand. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face as I locked my fingers with hers. I knew that this was, in her small way, an announcement, a confirmation on whatever they thought about what they saw on television the past two weeks. I glanced around the room, taking in their reactions. Gale was looking at our hands, his brows tugging together. Her mother looked surprised, curious. Prim was beaming. And that was all I needed, the acceptance of the person that mattered the most. I let Katniss drag me out of the room. </p>
<p>“It’s probably not that different from yours,” she admitted once everyone else was out of earshot. “Just a lot less lived in. But I can show you my room, if you want.” There was a slight flush on her face. I pretended not to notice.</p>
<p>“I’d love to see it.”</p>
<p>Upstairs, Katniss’s room was furthest from everyone else’s. Better for her family to tune out the nightly screaming, I could assume. Her room wasn’t the most decorated, but the little pieces she did have were so <em>her</em> that I took the time to examine them all. On her nightstand were two frames. One had a picture of her, her mother, and Prim, standing in front of a goat. I knew the story behind it — she’d told me about it on the train. Even with the weight she’d carried back then, she looked carefree in a way I didn’t think I’d ever see from her. The Games took so many tolls. The other was a picture of a man that I immediately knew was her father. I saw so much of her in him, it was undeniable. </p>
<p>Holding up the photo, I glanced back at her. “So this is where you came from.” </p>
<p>She smiled, nodded. There was a certain sorrow, a longing in her voice when she said, “Yes.” I moved on. </p>
<p>Her bookshelf was crammed, each book looking old enough to fall apart. My eyes scanned the titles, picking up on her tastes, taking note. There were a decent amount of titles that I was pretty certain weren’t Capitol regulated. I grinned, thinking of my own back home. Try as they might, contraband always slipped by. Novels were a lesser concern, as long as you didn’t flaunt them. </p>
<p>In the corner was a chair that I could easily picture her curled up on, one of the old, tattered books in her hand, a cup of hot chocolate on the window sill beside it, snow falling outside. Maybe the cold had its perks. </p>
<p>Draped over the chair was a worn leather jacket. I picked it up, raising a brow. Just by looking at it, I knew it wasn’t her size. </p>
<p>“My father’s hunting jacket,” Katniss answered. </p>
<p>“Ah.” I set the jacket back down carefully; it suddenly felt very precious. </p>
<p>Back at her bed now, I perched on the edge of it. Katniss came to sit beside me. “If I show you something, you have to promise not to laugh.” </p>
<p>“Oh?” I said, suddenly very curious. </p>
<p>“Promise!” She elbowed my side and I laughed.</p>
<p>“Okay! I promise.”</p>
<p>With a sigh, her hand reached under her pillow. I had no idea what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. In my palm, she placed a scrap of paper, worn around the edges, the ink a little smudged. My own handwriting stared back at me. It was the number I had given her so many months ago. </p>
<p>“You kept this?” </p>
<p>She looked offended. “Of course. I called you the day of my tour, didn’t I?”</p>
<p>I shrugged. “I assumed you got it from Haymitch.”</p>
<p>Katniss shook her head. And then, with her eyes closed, she spoke the number aloud, perfectly. </p>
<p>It took a moment for the words to come to me. “You . . . <em>memorized</em> it?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She spoke so quietly I almost missed it. “I would, um, take it out when I had a nightmare. It helped.” </p>
<p>“It helped,” I repeated, dazed. </p>
<p>She sighed. “I know, it’s embarrassing and weird and . . . whatever.” Katniss took the paper out of my hand so fast I almost missed the movement. Then she tucked it back under her pillow. The look on her face seemed to say she regretted telling me.</p>
<p>“No, no,” I said quickly, turning her head so she was looking at me. “It’s not. It’s incredibly sweet, and a little relieving, to be honest.” </p>
<p>“Relieving?” </p>
<p>I smiled sheepishly. “Yes. It means all these months I spent thinking about you weren’t so silly, because you were thinking about me, too.”</p>
<p>I saw the moment my words connected, the anxiety she seemed to have over opening up about her feelings melting away, replaced with a kind of hopeful light. “You thought about me?”</p>
<p>“Of course I did." I chuckled. "There were so many times I almost caved and called Haymitch for your number. But I figured if you weren’t calling, you didn’t want to talk.”</p>
<p>She bit down on her lip and shook her head. “I wanted to.”</p>
<p>A moment of quiet passed between us, the knowledge of the past conversation really soaking in. I didn't know who made the move first. Maybe we met in the middle. But so easily, our lips connected. To my surprise, Katniss pressed her hand to my chest, pushing me down against the bed, her body settling over mine as we continued our kiss. My fingers itched to move to her hair, free it from the neat braid she had styled it in. But eventually we’d have to go join her family downstairs again, and I doubted it would go unnoticed. </p>
<p>So naturally it had to be an accident, Katniss rolled her hips against mine. I let out a groan against her lips, my hands moving to her waist to keep her from moving again. She pulled back, looking a little like a child that made their parent upset for the first time. </p>
<p>“Did I do something wrong?” Her words came slow, uncertain. </p>
<p>I chuckled. “Hardly.” I took a settling breath. “It’s just I probably shouldn’t be getting an erection with your family expecting us any minute now.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” Katniss looked between us, down to where our hips met, and then her eyes met mine. A moment later, we were both laughing. </p>
<p>She leaned down again, and I expected her lips to return to mine. Instead, she hesitated. Moving lower, her lips pressed to the base of my throat. I sucked in a breath. Katniss had yet to kiss me like this. But now her lips were moving up my neck. It had no right to feel so good. </p>
<p>She stopped her line of kisses right beneath my ear. Her voice was low as she murmured, “You promised you weren’t done with me. I haven’t forgotten.” </p>
<p>I cursed under my breath. Katniss laughed, pulling back and grinning down at me like she might have just realized the power she had over me. I knew she had more than she’d ever guess. </p>
<p>This time when she pulled back, she stood. I didn’t watch her leave, but I heard the sink in the bathroom next to her room turn on. <em>Good,</em> I thought. I needed a moment to cool down.</p>
<p>For the second time that day, I realized Katniss Everdeen was going to be the death of me, and I would be the luckiest dead man in history.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so this was not the direction i expected for this chapter. but the scenes here ended up being much longer than i expected because i guess i'm an emo bitch for inner character shit? anyway, if i included everything i planned this would be so long. hopefully this isn't too boring! every time i thought about cutting things it just felt wrong. okay enough of me talking xoxo plz comment ur thoughts they are my fuel &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>I only had a little while to catch up with my family before Finnick and I had to leave for the first outing of the day, brunch at Mayor Undersee’s. Almost every other stop at a mayor’s home during the tour was a dinner, but there was the festival to attend tonight. So brunch it was.</p>
<p>Finnick looked slightly better dressed for the weather now that I had found him a hat. He looked ridiculous in it, tufts of hair still demanding to spring free, but that made it all the better. For me, anyway. Finnick had groaned at the sight of himself in the mirror. I’d dragged him outside before he could try to talk himself out of it. </p>
<p>“So, you know your mayor well, yeah?” Finnick asked as we approached the largest house in Twelve.</p>
<p>I shrugged. “Sure, I guess. Really it’s just his daughter, Madge. She was my best friend in my grade, so we always partnered up for things.” I didn't add that she was pretty much my <em>only</em> friend in school. </p>
<p>We waited at the door for Haymitch, who’d been trudging behind us, to catch up before knocking. This visit, unlike the others, was blissfully casual. There’d be no Effie to hark on us about manners; she’d chosen to go back to the Capitol rather than endure the unpleasantries of Twelve. Cinna went back too, trusting that I could dress myself properly with what he gave me. The festival would have some cameras to broadcast the celebration, but there would be no fancy speeches, no families of dead children to haunt me. <em>Well, except for one.</em></p>
<p>I pushed the thought away as the door opened, revealing Madge in a purple, long sleeve dress that hit just above her knee, warm knit tights underneath. Before the Games, I’d have my moments of jealousy when it came to Madge. To look at her always perfect outfits, knowing she didn’t have to rely on hand me downs filled with holes, didn’t have to fear breaking a shoe because there was no money for new ones. She never made me feel badly about coming from the Seam, but it was nice to be on even footing now. </p>
<p>“Katniss!” Madge greeted cheerfully. Her flawless blonde hair was in a neat top knot with a few strategically placed stray pieces to frame her pale face. Madge’s eyes moved to Finnick, lingering for a half second longer than necessary, then to Haymitch. “And guests,” she added. “Please, please, come in. It’s a chilly one today.”</p>
<p>Finnick mumbled something under his breath that sounded a lot like, <em>“That’s an understatement.”</em></p>
<p>To my surprise, standing in the foyer was Madge’s mother. Her presence had always been rare when I was over, as her chronic migraines kept her in bed most days, but it seemed she had managed for the occasion. </p>
<p>“Katniss, hello.”  There was something so warm and musical in the older woman’s voice that it was instantly calming. “Good to have you back.”</p>
<p>“Hi, Mrs. Undersee. It’s so nice to see you. I hope you’re feeling well?” I didn’t want her to force herself out just for my visit. </p>
<p>Unsurprisingly, Madge’s mother waved me off. “Oh, don’t you worry about that.” She turned to Finnick then. “Mr. Odair, a lovely surprise. We don’t often get to host outside Victors more than once.” </p>
<p>Finnick flashed a winning smile. “It’s lovely to be back. Your home remains as gorgeous as it is in my memory.”</p>
<p>When Madge’s mother turned to Haymitch, I felt a sudden tension in the room that had most certainly not been there before. By the way they looked at each other, I would bet there was history, though what it could be I had no idea. </p>
<p>“Haymitch,” was all the greeting Mrs. Undersee gave him. He grunted in reply. </p>
<p>Madge stepped in without missing a beat, almost like she’d been expecting it. “Please, come into the sitting room!” She led with a flourish that made me certain Madge would be a great hostess one day. Mayor Undersee was there, reading an ancient looking book. Another round of greetings was passed around. I was ready to sit with everyone else when Madge grabbed my hand, tugging me toward the stairs. </p>
<p>“Father, I’m going to steal Katniss until brunch is ready.”</p>
<p>“And only until then, Margaret.” The use of her full name always took me by surprise. </p>
<p>Madge waved him off with her free hand. “Yes, yes.”</p>
<p>Then she was half dragging me upstairs and into her room. It was simple, but very eloquent. Though I remember long ago when everything was in shades of bright pink, now it was mostly neutral with pops of purples and golds. Madge brought us to her soft, canopy bed and plopped down.</p>
<p>“All right,” she said, turning to me with a determined look. “I know we were never the type for boy talk, but it is absolutely necessary with that gorgeous being you just brought into my home.”</p>
<p>I did not need a mirror to know my face was on fire. It was not surprising that Madge thought Finnick gorgeous, the whole country did. But hearing it said out loud was another thing, especially with her implication of there being something between us.</p>
<p>Which, of course, there absolutely was. </p>
<p>“Madge,” I started, and she must have heard something in my tone, because she interrupted me immediately.</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare lie to me! I watched the airings of your tour, though oddly there were quite a few stops with technical difficulties.” She raised a brow and I wondered how much she knew. Being the Mayor’s daughter, she probably had more of an idea than most. “I mean, unless it’s like, a Peeta thing . . .” </p>
<p>Yes, Madge definitely knew more than she should. That thought should terrify me for the sake of her wellbeing, but I couldn’t help but be relieved, too. I could be honest. </p>
<p>“It was at first,” I said finally.</p>
<p>“At <em>first?</em>” It came out a giddy squeal. I couldn’t hold back my grin.</p>
<p>Okay, so maybe Madge and I had never done boy talk before, but maybe we’d always secretly wanted to. </p>
<p>Madge had me turn so she could do my hair while I told her everything that felt safe to share, starting with the first night I’d met him. It felt good, better than I thought it would, to talk about this whole whirlwind with someone. Madge was always easy to talk to, it was why we had clicked all those years ago. </p>
<p>“Oh Katniss,” she said when I finished, squeezing me from behind. “I’m so happy for you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Madge.” I hesitated, flinching as her brush pulled at a missed knot. “You don’t think it's . . . I don’t know, too sudden? And we both know about the rumors.”</p>
<p>Madge <em>tsked.</em> “You’re trying to talk yourself out of it,” she said, almost too on the nose for my liking. “And as for the rumors, well, have you considered just <em>asking?</em> He’s probably expecting you to.”</p>
<p>I frowned. “It doesn’t feel right,” I admitted.</p>
<p>“Okay, well, then you just have your gut to go on.” Madge put down the brush, her fingers starting to move intricately through my hair. “And I think you have a pretty good gut.”</p>
<p>There was a knock before either of us could say anything more. Madge called for them to enter, and then Finnick’s head was popping in. He smiled at the sight of us. </p>
<p>“Sorry to interrupt the makeover, but brunch is ready.”</p>
<p>“We’ll be down in just a couple more minutes!” Madge promised. </p>
<p>Finnick raised a brow, and I was sure we were both thinking of what the Mayor had said when Madge dragged me up here. </p>
<p>Madge must have been thinking it, too. “If my father complains, tell him Katniss asked me to do her hair, and it would be rude to say no to our guest of honor.”</p>
<p>“I did no such thing, and your father will know that.”</p>
<p>Finnick just laughed. “Katniss asked for her hair done.” He shot Madge a conspiratorial look, then left. </p>
<p>Madge laughed victoriously. “I think I like him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Brunch went well. It was good to catch up with Madge. I knew I hadn’t been the best friend as of late, considering after my Games I had holed myself up in my home and ignored everyone. Luckily, she didn’t seem to be deterred by my absence. </p>
<p>Afterwards, we all walked to the town square together, sans Madge’s mother, whose migraines had returned. There was already a good crowd gathered. Different little stands had been set up. I spotted one selling hot cider that I knew I’d take Finnick to. He’d need it. There were a few people holding old instruments, fiddles and guitars, one woman with a hand drum. In the middle of everything was a large bonfire with room around it for dancing, or more likely, huddling for warmth. </p>
<p>Of course, Peacekeepers surrounded it all, even a few I didn’t recognize. But that wasn’t stopping the people of Twelve. We so rarely had a reason to celebrate here, no one would want to pass it up. </p>
<p>I did, however, notice the lack of cameras that were supposedly airing our little celebration. Another technical difficulty, perhaps. </p>
<p>As the top of the hour struck, the Mayor stepped up to a small podium and gave a brief speech about how good it was for the district to come together and how proudly I had represented us. To my surprise, people cheered. I shrunk into my coat, still not one for attention. Beside me, Finnick clapped along with everyone else, a bright smile on his face. Well, maybe not <em>all</em> attention was bad. </p>
<p>Still, I was happy when the speech wrapped and everyone started moving. Music began to play. A group of children ran past, giggling. The atmosphere was so joyful, something Twelve so rarely had, and suddenly everything I had gone through was worth it. To see my people happy, laughing, a few even dancing already, it had to be worth it. </p>
<p>I tugged Finnick to the cider stand, and while he was trying not to show it, I could see the relief in him as the hot liquid warmed his throat. I found Prim, who was unsurprisingly, with one of Gale’s brothers, Rory. They were the same age and more inseparable each day. I didn’t see my mother, but I could assume she was with Hazelle, Gale’s mother. </p>
<p>Finnick and I went around to the different booths. At each one, whether I’d bought something or just talked with the vendor, I left a generous tip. It felt like the only thing I could do to actually help, to thank them, especially when I had learned of the fund people in the Hob had started up to sponsor me in the arena. When we reached a stand smelling of sweet cinnamon, however, I knew I should’ve been paying better attention. Before I could pull Finnick and I away, we were standing in front of Rye Mellark. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t look thrilled to see me. </p>
<p>“Rye,” I said, trying to smile. “Your folks got you working the stand?”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “Yeah, not sure they were up for it. Better for you, anyway, that it’s me and not Ma.”</p>
<p>I shrunk back at the thought. Peeta’s mother hated me long before I became the reason for her son’s death. </p>
<p>“Whatever you're selling smells delicious,” Finnick cut in. I don’t think he’d caught on to the cause of the tension, just that it was very clearly present. “We’ll take two.” Finnick paid before I could and Rye handed us a paper bag with two of the dessert in it, long, skinny pieces of dough that had been fried and dipped in cinnamon and sugar. Admittedly, they smelled wonderful.</p>
<p>Automatically, I reached to leave a sump of coins as a tip, but Rye glared and swatted my hand away. I flinched. Finnick went rigid beside me, immediately defensive.  </p>
<p>“Rye, I just—”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said, but his tone sounded far from it, “but I’d rather not have your money knowing it only exists because my brother is <em>dead.</em>” </p>
<p>And he was absolutely right. How could I blame him for his anger? It should be <em>me</em> dead, Peeta here to celebrate. That would have been better for everyone. </p>
<p>“Your anger is misplaced,” Finnick said, his tone sharp. “What happened to your brother isn’t her fault.” </p>
<p>Rye turned his hard glare to Finnick. “Right. At least she looked torn up in her Games, I guess. <em>You,</em> on the other hand, seemed to take some joy in it, if I remember correctly.”</p>
<p>Now I was the one that felt defensive.</p>
<p>“Rye—”</p>
<p>“Or maybe you’ve just always been eager to please those Capitol folk. They sure do like you there, don’t they? Feeling seems mutual.” </p>
<p>Finnick went so still it scared me a little, and even Rye took a step back. And then, just as quickly, Finnick’s shoulders relaxed and an easy smile was on his face. “Enjoy the festival, Wheat, was it?” With his hand pressed lightly to my back, he led us away from the stand. Relieved, I had to hold back a laugh.</p>
<p>As we walked, I noticed Gale’s youngest siblings, Vick and Posy, trailing off not too far from their mother, who was indeed with mine. I handed the sweet treats off to the pair, no longer having an appetite for them. That was all of Gale’s family, then, but I’d yet to spot him. Guilt rippled through my gut, but I didn’t know why. </p>
<p>Pushing it all away, the conversation with Rye and the unplaced guilt, I pulled Finnick onto the makeshift dance area that had started in front of the fire. “You still want to know the kind of dancing I can do?”</p>
<p>He grinned. “Very much.”</p>
<p>I showed Finnick a few of the basic steps as a group gathered for a new dance. He looked confused, but I grinned and promised he’d pick it up. Dancing in Twelve was a lot more lively than in the Capitol. We formed two lines, and as the fiddle started up, so did everyone’s feet. I’d grown up doing dances like these and my muscles knew what to do without guidance. The lines meshed and my first partner was an older man I knew from the Hob. I glanced down at Finnick and found him partnered with Greasy Sae, the latter seeming very, very happy about the pairing. I laughed as I watched her position Finnick into the various steps. She was certainly enjoying herself. </p>
<p>A few partners later, I was back to Finnick. He’d gotten the hang of things now, for the most part. He met me with a grin. “Look at you. I thought you were lying, but there really is a dance you’re good at.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” I exclaimed, but I was laughing as he twirled me.</p>
<p>For a moment, the world fell away and it was just Finnick and I, dancing to an old folk song, twisting into him, feeling his body vibrate against me as he laughed. Everything was perfect. </p>
<p>And then, we were falling. </p>
<p>Finnick’s foot slipped on a patch of ice posing as innocent looking snow and down he went, taking me with him. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” he groaned, but then he was laughing again, and so was I. There were eyes on us, but mine were only on him. He shivered beneath me, from the cold I’m sure, but a different kind of shiver ran down my spine. </p>
<p>I pressed my forehead against his. “Let’s get out of here.”</p>
<p>The festival would go on for a few more hours, which meant we’d have time to ourselves. And despite all the time I’d had with him these past two weeks, more was all I wanted. </p>
<p>Finnick moved an inch so that his lips pressed warm over mine. I might’ve cared about the people watching us, but I was too far gone from the world outside of the person beneath me.</p>
<p>Our lips parted. Around us, a new dance was getting ready to start up. We stood. Finnick’s arm came around me and I leaned into his side, into his warmth, as we started back to my house. Just as we were leaving the square, I turned to get one last look at the festival. And finally, I spotted Gale. His tall frame stood rigid and his brows were drawn together. Something had him upset, and I had a feeling that something was me. Before I could consider him any further, a blonde girl who I hadn’t noticed beside him tugged hard on his arm; something in the movement indicated it wasn’t the first time. Gale turned and let her drag him into the crowd.</p>
<p>I could have sworn the girl was Madge. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Stepping into Katniss’s house was a type of heaven. We’d barely been at the festival for an hour, but I had already froze to the bone. “You sure you didn’t want to stay longer?” I asked anyway. The home festival was one of the few good things about winning the Games, and I didn’t want to take that away from her just because I was a little cold. “Really, the weather is miserable, but I can handle—”</p>
<p>She cut me off before I could say anything more, her lips crashing against mine. Any thought of returning to the festival quickly evaporated. My fingers soon found the buttons on her coat, undoing them one by one, although I truly wished to just rip the damned thing off of her. </p>
<p>“Damn this place making you wear so much clothing,” I grumbled against her lips. Katniss laughed. </p>
<p>My coat came off next. Then her scarf. My hat. I took her left hand, then her right, and slowly dragged off her gloves. Pressed a kiss to the inside of each wrist. We paused for a moment to each take off our shoes. She was faster and was waiting for me by the time I finished. I’d barely righted myself fully when she had pressed herself against me again, warm lips on warm lips, arms wrapped around my neck. I took advantage of the latter and palmed her ass, gripping hard enough to pull her into my arms, not once breaking our kiss, and headed for the stairs.</p>
<p>Katniss, however, did. “Finn,” she gasped, her arms tightening around my neck.</p>
<p>I let out a breathy chuckle. “I won’t drop you.” Unlike most Victors, I’d stayed in top shape after my Games. Carrying her was nothing. </p>
<p>In her room, I closed the door with my foot, taking my hand from her back to lock it. She clung to me tighter and I laughed again. Two big steps in and I had her on the bed, laying her down and crawling over her body. I pressed a long kiss to the pulse point of her neck, sucking the skin between my lips. Katniss let out the softest moan in response, but it was still enough to stir the arousal inside of me. </p>
<p>I pressed my forehead to hers and slid my hands down the sides of her body, stopping at her waist. “Are you sure?” </p>
<p>Her breath was a whisper against my lips. “Yes.”</p>
<p>Kissing her was so easy in this position, so I did. It didn’t last long; I was too greedy, wanting more of her. I pulled back enough to pull her shirt over her head, tossing it lazily behind me. My eyes were hungry as I took her in, all of the newly exposed skin. Her black bra was simple at first look, but running my fingers over the straps, I realized it was a fine material with lacy detailing. It was doubtful that Katniss would have this in her own collection, which meant she had to have specifically chosen it on the train this morning from the Capitol’s stock. The knowledge sent a thrill down my spine. </p>
<p>My fingers moved delicately across her chest, her stomach, enjoying the feel of her warm skin. I wanted to soak in every inch. When I finally brought my eyes back to her face, she was blushing, unable to meet my eyes. Softly, slowly, I kissed her, running my tongue across her lower lip. “Gorgeous,” I murmured. </p>
<p>Her mouth twitched up the slightest, but she was still eager to switch the attention from herself, bringing her hands to my own shirt and giving it a tug. “Your turn.” </p>
<p>I helped her with the buttons, but ultimately let her push it off my shoulders. She took her time with her own exploration. Every brush of her fingers against my bare skin was a shock of the best kind of electricity. Her touch was so light, a hint of hesitation that likely had something to do with her level of experience, that I almost wanted to press her hands against me myself. It’d been so long since I had <em>enjoyed</em> someone touching me that I craved the full intensity. </p>
<p>Then, to my surprise, she slid a hand down my chest, stopping at the fastenings of my jeans. A tentative, single finger reached out to stroke my very obvious bulge. </p>
<p>“Shit,” I groaned. The unexpectedness only added to the feeling. </p>
<p>Katniss grinned up at me, but hesitated. “It’s okay,” I prompted her, in case she was waiting for permission. Still, her hand didn't move. The glee in her eyes from getting a rise out of me was gone, but I couldn’t place the expression that replaced it. “Or not?”</p>
<p>She bit her lip. “I want to.” My mind added in the <em>but.</em></p>
<p>“We don’t have to do anything, Katniss,” I promised. </p>
<p>“No!” she responded quickly, sounding frustrated with herself. “That’s not it.” </p>
<p>While she tried to work out whatever was going on behind her hesitation, my mind was happy to supply its own explanation. </p>
<p>My mother used to tell me that eavesdroppers only heard things that they didn’t want to know. Yet, that afternoon, I hadn’t cared. For a moment, I wasn’t in bed with Katniss, but listening to her on the other side of Madge’s door. It only took a moment, accidental eavesdropping really, to realize they were talking about me. And then I couldn’t stop. </p>
<p>
  <em>“You don’t think it's . . . I don’t know, too sudden? And we both know about the rumors.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Have you considered just asking? He’s probably expecting you to.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It doesn’t feel right.”</em>
</p>
<p>Of course she’d be concerned. Why <em>hadn’t</em> she asked? I was hit with the hard realization that I'd been fooling myself, entertaining this relationship. We could have avoided this altogether. I’d be on a train to Four and she’d be enjoying the festival, probably warm in Gale’s arms. Instead, I was making a fool of myself, letting it go this far. </p>
<p>This would taint her. <em>I</em> would taint her. Peeta Mellark’s brother had proven that well enough. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Or maybe you’ve just always been eager to please those Capitol folk. They sure do like you there, don’t they? Feeling seems mutual.”</em>
</p>
<p>While I’d been taunted by my thoughts, Katniss had figured out her own. She’d gotten the button undone, the zipper down.</p>
<p>“Stop,” I said, pressing my hand to the flat expanse of her ribs and pushing her back down against the bed. </p>
<p>Katniss looked up at me with wide eyes. I instantly felt guilty. “Did I do something wrong?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. </p>
<p>I shook my head, taking my hand away and using it to redo my pants. “No, no, it’s not you.” I let myself take in the sight of her one last time, then stood, turning away. “You’re perfect.”</p>
<p>“I don’t understand.” </p>
<p>I was still shaking my head. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake. I should’ve known better.”</p>
<p>Katniss hadn’t made a sound, so when her hand was suddenly on mine, tugging so that I faced her, I was too startled to resist. There was anger on her face, but behind it, the hurt she was trying to hide. “I’m a mistake?” </p>
<p>God, I was really fucking this up. “No! Not you. I’m the mistake. I’m a mistake <em>for</em> you.”</p>
<p>Her brow furrowed. “You’re not making any sense, Finnick.” </p>
<p>She was right, of course. Without the context, I sounded nonsensical. “I don’t want to taint you,” I said finally. When she still looked confused, I sighed. “You know my reputation.”</p>
<p>“<em>That’s</em> what this is about?” Katniss almost looked offended. “You have to know I don’t care about that. Why would I be with you if I did?”</p>
<p>I shrugged. “You’re probably under selling how bad it is.” </p>
<p>Scoffing with her chin tipped up, she looked like the definition of stubborn. “There’s nothing you could say that would make me change my mind.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? And if I told you I’ve slept with hundreds of people in the Capitol, you still wouldn’t care?” No more holding back. My voice was growing thick with emotion, but I just needed to swallow it long enough for her to turn away from me in disgust. </p>
<p>I watched the information register on her face. Katniss hesitated, I sighed. “Exactly.” I tried to turn away once more, but again she pulled at my arm. </p>
<p>“I don’t care if you’ve slept with <em>thousands</em> of people in the Capitol. That doesn’t change how <em>good</em> you are. You’ve been showing me that since the night we met.”</p>
<p>My words came slowly. “You’re not . . . disgusted?” </p>
<p>
  <em>It couldn’t be this easy.</em>
</p>
<p>Katniss laughed and pressed closer, leaning up to wrap her arms around my neck. “I may not understand, but I could never be disgusted by you.” She rested her head against my chest. “And you should know, I’m the last person to care what people think.”</p>
<p>There was no more containing the emotion now. All these years I’d spent avoiding anything romantic, too afraid of the rejection, the idea that someone that was with me would also have to accept me being with others. It was different with Annie. She’d been there from the start. But eventually it wore on her, wore on the both of us. I couldn’t blame her. She had deserved better. Anyone that was with me would deserve better. So better that I just stayed alone. </p>
<p>Tears from far too much built up trauma rolled down my face. I managed to cry silently, keeping Katniss unaware, until I needed to suck in a breath and it became all too obvious. She pulled back immediately, concern playing out on her face. </p>
<p>“Finnick?”</p>
<p>I wiped angrily at my eyes, took another breath. She might as well have the whole truth now. “Agreeing to help you wasn’t an entirely selfless act. I made my own condition, which is probably why I wasn’t there for you in Eleven. He didn’t want to give me up until things were dire.”</p>
<p>Katniss didn’t ask for an explanation. Instead, she led me back to her bed. We sat across from each other and she waited. </p>
<p>I kept my eyes closed as I started. “Do you remember the woman at the party? The one you helped me get away from?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“She was one of my very first clients. Has been consistently since.”</p>
<p>I heard the confusion in her voice. “Clients?”</p>
<p>It was a fight to keep my voice even. “When a Victor is . . . <em>attractive</em> in the Capitol, Snow will sell them, or their bodies, anyway.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t think anyone was paying for my personality.” </p>
<p>Katniss was absolutely silent, so I finally opened my eyes. I expected shock, I expected pity. I did not expect the pure rage that was so clear on her face. </p>
<p>“I’m going to kill him,” she snarled.</p>
<p>Automatically, my hand flew to her mouth as if I could push the words back in. “Don’t you dare say things like that!” I scolded. “Especially in my defense.”</p>
<p>Katniss pushed my hand away. She didn’t say any more traitorous things, but I could tell she wanted to. Instead, she lunged toward me, wrapping me tight in her arms. For a while, we just sat that way, my arms eventually curling around her, too. She didn’t roll out any <em>I’m so sorry</em>’s or anything of the like, and for that I was grateful. </p>
<p>“I know you have questions,” I said after a while. “It’s okay, you can ask.”</p>
<p>There was another beat of silence, and then, “Are you the only one?”</p>
<p>“No,” I said. Laughed. “Just the most popular.” </p>
<p>Her arms tightened around me. “How long?”</p>
<p>“Since I turned sixteen. It was my birthday present that year.”</p>
<p>Katniss gasped and pulled back. “Sixteen?!” she exclaimed, the rage back on her face.</p>
<p>“Don’t,” I warned.</p>
<p>She shook her head. “You were still a child.” </p>
<p>I shrugged. “Old enough that it didn’t weigh on their conscience.”</p>
<p>There was clearly another question on her mind, but she was holding back. I nudged her leg. “Go ahead.” </p>
<p>“If you refuse . . .” she trailed off. I could see that she already knew the answer. </p>
<p>I smiled, but there was nothing pleasant in it, and confirmed her suspicion. “Well, let’s just say I don’t think the boating accident that killed my family was an accident.” Nor was Annie being reaped, or her winning. </p>
<p>Her hand was curled so tightly into a fist I was afraid she’d hurt herself. I took her hand in mine, forcing her to relax it. “It’s been years, Katniss. I’ve grown used to it.” As well as I could, anyway.</p>
<p>“That only makes it worse, not better,” she hissed. At least I knew her anger was not at me. She knew everything now, but she hadn’t pushed me away. “Is it still happening?”</p>
<p>This time, my smile was not bitter, but genuine. “No. That was the condition. As long as I was to be paraded around as your lover, I would have no more clients.”</p>
<p>Katniss nodded. “Good.” Her expression changed then, unreadable. “Is that why you agreed to be with me, for real? Because you don’t have to do that. I’ll keep up the act forever, but please don’t force yourself—”</p>
<p>My hand clamped over her mouth again, holding her face so that she couldn’t look away. “Katniss, you are the only person I’ve actually wanted to be with in years.” I let my hand fall away and grinned. “Besides, you think I could really fake all of these erections?” </p>
<p>The tension finally fell from her shoulders. Her laugh was becoming one of my favorite sounds. Katniss laid back and patted the space beside her. “Come here.”</p>
<p>I did as asked. For once, I was the one being held as she wrapped me in her arms and my head fell to her chest. It was ridiculous and perfect all at the same time. </p>
<p>Finally, I spoke the words I knew would need to be said, the ones I was most afraid of. “He might change his mind, you know. If they’re fine with paying for my unwilling body, I doubt a public relationship will be the moral line they stop at.”</p>
<p>This time, she didn’t hesitate. “That’s not going to chase me away, if that’s what you’re getting at. I’ll be very angry, but I’ll still be by your side. Always.” </p>
<p>“Always,” I repeated quietly, admittedly liking the sound of it. </p>
<p>Katniss reached around me to turn off the light. I pulled the covers up around us. It was like we were back on the train, except so much better. Her hand was lightly stroking my back, sometimes my hair. I sighed, content. Even though it was still early, I could feel sleep creeping in.</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve you,” I murmured, so quiet I wasn't sure I'd actually said it. </p>
<p>But a moment later, she replied, “You deserve to have everything you want and more.”</p>
<p>I didn’t know how to tell her that, at that moment, I already did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>whew, we love some emotional demons being worked through!</p>
<p>also thank you for all the lovely feedback on the last chapter!! it definitely fueled me to get this one out and overall had me very 🥰</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>For the first time since the Games, and even before that, I was genuinely <em>happy.</em> Not just for a moment, a blink of relief from the gloom, but all the time. I woke up happy, fell asleep happy.</p>
<p>My past should have been a warning that it couldn’t last. </p>
<p>Finnick’s train home was to come four days after the festival. I wanted to pack in as much of the District Twelve experience, the better parts of it anyway, into the visit that I could.</p>
<p>First I took him to the Hob. </p>
<p>“This place is pretty much the only reason I’m still alive,” I admitted as we walked through the stands of various vendors. The Hob was a grim place at first glance, originally a coal warehouse that was taken over by the community after it was abandoned. It was dark and grimy. But once you knew your way around, knew some of the faces, it could almost be nice. </p>
<p>People nodded as we walked by, even as their eyes stared, untrusting, at Finnick.</p>
<p>“They respect you here,” he murmured to me. His eyes took in the gray, dirty building without judgement. </p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “It’s because they knew my father, really. He was the one they respected.”</p>
<p>Finnick smiled at me as he shook his head. “You truly don’t see yourself, do you?”</p>
<p>I didn’t respond. </p>
<p>We stopped at Greasy Sae’s booth first. A good start, I thought, because she would remember Finnick from the festival. She grinned as we approached. “I like this look on you, girl,” she said, slapping my shoulder. </p>
<p>I flushed and hoped it was too dark for her to see. “What look?”</p>
<p>She shot me a knowing glance, but didn’t clarify, instead turning to Finnick. “Enjoying your visit?”</p>
<p>“I am, despite the weather.” Finnick was truly bundled up today. I had gotten him back into the hat along with a scarf and a thick pair of gloves. “Twelve is lovely.”</p>
<p>Greasy Sae chuckled. “You don’t have to lie, boy. We know what we look like, especially to outsiders from a place like yours.”</p>
<p>Finnick shook his head. “It’s the people that make a place.” He shot me a sly grin. “And I really like the people here.” </p>
<p>Did I always blush so much, or was it only since Finnick came into my life?</p>
<p>“Hmm,” was Greasy Sae’s only response, but I knew she respected the answer. “You two hungry?”</p>
<p>I nodded and fished out some coins. “Sae is famous for her stew.”</p>
<p>“Well then,” Finnick grinned, “can’t say no to famous stew.”</p>
<p>She dished out two bowls. I hopped up on the counter to eat mine. It was a staple for me growing up, eating stew at Greasy Sae’s. I was glad I could share it with Finnick.</p>
<p>I watched him as he took the first bite. </p>
<p>“Hmm,” he said, eating another spoonful before nodding. “This is good, I understand the reputation. What’s in it?”</p>
<p>Greasy Sae and I looked at each other with knowing grins.</p>
<p>“Don’t think you wanna know that, boy.”</p>
<p>Finnick’s eyes widened, looking from his stew to the two of us. “You know what, I’ll take your word for it.” </p>
<p>We laughed. “Don’t worry,” I said, “we haven’t resorted to cannibalism here, yet.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yet?”</em>
</p>
<p>We laughed again. </p>
<p>Finnick and I finished our meal, then moved on to other parts of the Hob. Now that they’d seen us joking around with Greasy Sae, people seemed more at ease with his presence. Even more so when he started spending generously, buying things I knew he didn’t truly need. I could feel myself growing dangerously fond of him. </p>
<p>The next day, it had warmed up enough for fresh snow to fall. Naturally, I forced him into a snowball fight. After bundling up, I led the way to the meadow. </p>
<p>“You all really <em>play</em> in this stuff?” Finnick scooped up a handful of snow into his gloved hand and let it fall through his fingers. He seemed to grow cold just at the thought of being hit with it. </p>
<p>I grinned. “Of course. What else would we do all winter?”</p>
<p>But it only took the game beginning for his apprehension to slip away. Finnick, apparently, was of the competitive type. Unfortunately for him, I was experienced and much smaller. His tall frame was a far easier target than mine. I’d hit him with three snowballs before he’d even rolled his first.</p>
<p>“Damn it, Katniss!” he cursed through laughter. “Give a rookie a chance here.”</p>
<p>So I did, which was a mistake. He had excellent aim and soon enough I was getting nailed. “Okay, chance over!”</p>
<p>It was war between us then, but it was the most fun I’d had in a long time. When Prim returned home from school, Rory trailing at her side, we beckoned them to play with us. Girls versus boys. Sisters versus, well, practically strangers. Still, it was a pretty even match up, despite Prim and I having the blood bond advantage. Prim didn’t have the best aim, but she was good with her hands from helping my mother with patients over the years. She rolled as I launched them out, a well-oiled system. </p>
<p>The game eventually came to an end when Rory accidentally hit Prim in the face with one of his throws. Prim was fine, but he couldn’t stop apologizing. I heard him still going as they walked to the house to do homework together. </p>
<p>Finnick came up beside me as I watched their retreat and sighed dramatically, draping an arm around my shoulder. “Ah, young love.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
<p>The third day after the festival was warmer than all of the others by far. I knew where we had to go today.</p>
<p>I looked at him with mischievous eyes. “Are you up for something a little rebellious?” </p>
<p>He grinned. “With you? Always.”</p>
<p>In the woods with Finnick would be the last perfectly happy moment I’d have, maybe ever again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>It was warmer that day in Twelve, though we still bundled. Katniss packed a bag with lunch and thermoses of hot tea and cider. I insisted on carrying it. </p>
<p>Outside, Katniss led us to what she called the meadow, where we’d had our snowball fight yesterday. “It’s very pretty in the spring,” she told me. “With fresh grass and wildflowers.”</p>
<p>“Well, then I’ll have to come back in the spring.”</p>
<p>Katniss looked pleased with my answer. </p>
<p>As we reached the edge of an old looking fence, she stopped, turning to look at me. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I don’t want to make things hard on you. I mean, I’m pretty sure he knows—”</p>
<p>“Katniss,” I cut her off. “I know, and I still want to.”</p>
<p>She accepted my answer after a brief moment of hesitation, then showed me the best spot to wiggle underneath the fence. “We listen for the electricity buzz each time, just in case, but it’s really never on.” </p>
<p>I gave the crawl space an uncertain look. </p>
<p>“You’ll fit,” she promised me. Katniss lifted the cut in the fence and shimmied underneath, then gestured for me to hand her the bag. I passed it to her. My face must have still looked skeptical, because she added, “Gale fits.” They were the right words, apparently, because I felt much more determined after hearing them.</p>
<p>“Here goes nothing,” I mumbled. Katniss held up the fence for me as I pushed myself through. It was a bit of a squeeze, and I had to maneuver my ass a little, but eventually I reached the other side. </p>
<p>I huffed out a breath of icy air as I stood. “All right, easy stuff there, yeah.”</p>
<p>Katniss laughed. “That’s the only hard part, unless you’re not good with walking.”</p>
<p>“Walking. I can do walking.”</p>
<p>We made our way into the forest. Roughly five yards in, Katniss stopped at a hollow log. Brushing aside some snow, she reached inside and came back up with an old looking wooden bow and a sheath of arrows. </p>
<p>“My my,” I said, grinning at her. “Am I going to see the talented, <em>the esteemed,</em> Katniss Everdeen shoot right in front of my very eyes? What an honor.”</p>
<p>Katniss scoffed. “Oh, hush. It’s for protection more than anything.”</p>
<p>I raised a brow. “What do you expect to run into?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “Nothing, probably. But you never know . . .” Katniss trailed off as she started to walk again. “I mean, if we come across, oh I don’t know, let's say a bear, <em>I</em> can just shimmy up a tree in seconds. But <em>you</em> on the other hand . . .” She flashed a toothy grin. </p>
<p>“Ha ha,” I deadpanned, but found myself stepping closer to her all the same. </p>
<p>For a while we walked in silence. I had to admit, despite the cold, it was beautiful out here. We didn’t have woods like this in Four. The quiet wrapped around us like a comforting hug rather than eerie, haunting silence. Even though I shouldn’t, I felt safe here. </p>
<p>When I finally took my eyes from the trees surrounding us, I saw Katniss looking up at me. “What do you think?” she asked, almost nervously. </p>
<p>“It’s incredible, Katnss. Truly. I see why you love it.”</p>
<p>Her shoulders relaxed. “It’s my favorite place in the world.”</p>
<p>I took her free hand in mine as we lulled into silence again. Even with gloved hands, it was nice. </p>
<p>Eventually we came to a clearing and Katniss tugged me forward. We settled down on a log after brushing off the snow. I took the bag from my shoulders, passing a sandwich and thermos to Katniss before taking out my own. We ate side by side, pressed so close our shoulders touched, and looked out at the view of the mountains. This place, more than any other in Twelve, was what I saw in Katniss. Sitting beside her here, everything felt right, like I had found the missing puzzle piece of who she was. I could not help but love it. </p>
<p>She had set her bow down in the snow to eat. Carefully, I ran a finger along the wood. “Where did you get this, anyway?” I doubted the Capitol would allow them to be produced. People weren’t even allowed out here, so it wasn’t like they had anything to shoot.</p>
<p>“My father made it,” she explained. “I learned everything from him. There’s another in the log that I let Gale use.”</p>
<p>“Bet he’s not as good a shot as you.”</p>
<p>The smile she tried to hide told me all that I needed. Modest as ever, she answered, “We each have our own strengths. It’s what makes us a good team.”</p>
<p>For a long moment she was quiet, fiddling with the cap of the thermos. Then, finally, “He kissed me, not long before I left for the tour.”</p>
<p>I nodded. “That doesn’t surprise me.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t?”</p>
<p>“Of course not.” I chuckled. “You must see the way he looks at you.”</p>
<p>Another pause. “Do you . . . not want me to be friends with him?” Then it was like she couldn’t stop talking. “I mean, it’s just that we’ve been friends for so long, and he really is family. We’ve been through so much together and it would feel wrong to turn away from that, but I also know it must be weird that—"</p>
<p>“Katniss,” I said sternly, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I would never ask you not to be friends with someone because of me. Of course I don’t mind. What possibly makes you think I would?” </p>
<p>“Oh, well." She sighed. “I don’t know. I just know when he’d have something with a girl, they would always be upset about how close we were. They didn’t like us hanging out.”</p>
<p>“And did he ever cut off your friendship?”</p>
<p>“Uh, well, no.”</p>
<p>“See.” I nudged her side, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You worry for nothing, love.”</p>
<p>Katniss bit down on her lip, her eyes flickering away. I thought she might have seen an animal or something, but when I checked, I saw nothing, and when I looked back at her, she was looking at me again.</p>
<p>“So you really don’t mind that he kissed me? I mean, he knows about us now, he must, so I don’t think he will again.”</p>
<p>“I only care if he’s kissing you when you don’t want him to.” I bumped her shoulder with mine. “If he does that, I’ll kick his ass.”</p>
<p>“So violent,” she said, but she was smiling. </p>
<p>I grinned down at her. “What can I say, I have a thing about consent.”</p>
<p>Something flashed in her eyes, and then she was in my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. Her face was so close to mine that I felt her breath against my lips. “May I kiss you?”</p>
<p>My jaw was starting to hurt. I wasn’t used to smiling so much. “Yes, you absolutely may.”</p>
<p>Amazingly, even after being out in the cold for so long, her lips were warm. We kissed until we both needed to breathe. After we caught our breath, she asked, “Want a shooting lesson?”</p>
<p>“Only if I get to see you in action first.” Katniss tensed. In her face, I saw the same emotion I’d had after my Games when my father had taken me fishing. Even the smallest kills felt different after the arena. Reassuringly, I squeezed her side. “You don’t have to kill anything Katniss, just set up a target, hm?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” she breathed out, relaxing. “Well, I suppose it’s only fair to show you how it’s done.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she found her target and asked me to set it up somewhere, I stared at her. “You’re joking, right?” </p>
<p>The rock sitting in my gloved palm was <em>tiny.</em> I could easily close my hand over it. </p>
<p>She frowned. “Too easy?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Easy?!”</em>
</p>
<p>Shaking my head, I found a tree, setting it down on a branch above my head. Then I joined her again. Katniss took a moment to give me the basics of using the bow and I nodded as if I absolutely understood, which I did not, then took aim for real. I brought my eyes to the rock, squinting to see it from this distance. There was a soft <em>whoosh</em> as she let the arrow fly, and for fucks sake, the rock fell. I’d chosen a thick branch, so I knew she hadn’t just hit the tree.</p>
<p>I was laughing then. “You’re absolutely ridiculous. We didn’t see a fraction of what you can do in your Games, did we?”</p>
<p>She shrunk into herself as she tended to do when I praised her, but there was a triumphant smile on her face. “Maybe not.”</p>
<p>“Well, all right. Let me make a godforsaken fool of myself then.”</p>
<p>Katniss handed me the bow, helped position my hold on it to something that was almost correct. Admittedly, I was a little distracted by her touch. We’d taken off our gloves for this. By my body’s reaction, you would have thought we were naked. </p>
<p>“Finnick?”</p>
<p>“Yes?</p>
<p>“Are you paying attention?”</p>
<p>I grinned. “I’m trying to, but I’m just a little distracted.”</p>
<p>Katniss laughed and slapped my shoulder. “Focus on the tree!”</p>
<p>That was my target, the tree. Not even a specific area of the tree, just the tree in general. It wasn’t a skinny one, either. Her faith in my ability must not have been very strong.</p>
<p>Her instinct was right of course, because I did not hit the tree, or anything else for that matter. </p>
<p>But Katniss didn’t give up on me, and after a while, I could manage to do something with the thing if I was desperate and it was my only option. Better than where I started, at least, which was entirely hopeless. Mostly, I had enjoyed the excuse to be close to her, reveling in the sound of her laugh as she corrected my hold with angelic patience. </p>
<p>After, we walked back to the hollow log where Katniss kept her weapons. It was getting dark already, the sun setting so early in the winter. When the bow and arrows were secured, we made our way back to the fence. I mentally prepped for squeezing myself under it once more. My hand was reaching for the broken part when Katniss’s arm whipped in front of me. “Stop!” she screeched. I was confused until I heard it. The soft buzz of the electricity. </p>
<p>I backed up immediately, Katniss doing the same. </p>
<p>“All right,” I said, trying to sound calm, because Katniss very clearly wasn’t. “We’ll figure this out. We can just wait it out, yeah?”</p>
<p>“We could,” she said in a tone that said she didn’t actually believe it. </p>
<p>“But you think it’s on for us,” I concluded. </p>
<p>She nodded. </p>
<p>I stared at the fence, thinking. </p>
<p>Beside me, Katniss was cursing herself. “I knew I shouldn’t have brought you out here. This is all my fault.”</p>
<p>Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her into my chest. “Later I’ll tell you how wrong you are, but right now we need to think, Katniss.”</p>
<p>I felt her suck in a breath. A moment later, her head turned as she stared up at one of the nearby trees. </p>
<p>“I’ve never done it before,” she said uncertainly. </p>
<p>But I knew instantly there was no other way. </p>
<p>“If we can’t go under . . .” I started.</p>
<p>Katniss nodded. “Then we have to go over.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Five minutes later, I had managed to climb the tree that had taken Katniss roughly thirty seconds. I’d fallen a couple of times, listening to the sound of too weak branches snapping under my weight. I relied on Katniss directing me on where to step after that. </p>
<p>“This branch is the first that goes out far enough, but it won’t hold your weight,” she sighed.</p>
<p>“But it’ll hold yours,” I concurred. “I’ll just have to go higher.”</p>
<p>Katniss shook her head. “This is already an insane jump, you can’t go higher.”</p>
<p>“I have to, Kat,” I said, starting to climb. “Besides, I’m taller. It evens out.”</p>
<p>“That’s not how it works,” she huffed. “If you’re going higher, so am I.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not. There’s no reason for it.” Finally, I found a branch that stuck out across the fence that would, hopefully, be thick enough to hold me. </p>
<p>“Finnick, it’s too high. I don’t like this.”</p>
<p>“I don’t particularly like it either, love, but it’s better than waiting here like trapped animals.” I sucked in a breath. “I’m going first.”</p>
<p>“No way! It makes more sense—”</p>
<p>I cut her off. “For me to go first, because if something goes wrong, I can be a distraction for you. I’m not from here, I can feign ignorance. You can’t.”</p>
<p>Katniss was quiet, no doubt trying, and failing, to dispel my logic. </p>
<p>Finally, she sighed. “Remember, try to hit the very top of the snowbank. Let it break as much of your fall as possible.” </p>
<p>“Got it,” I replied, even if I hated trusting anything so miserably cold. Very carefully, I inched out onto the branch. It wobbled under my weight. I found myself praying to a God that Mags believed in, though I didn’t. Scooting out as far as I dared, I counted to three and jumped. </p>
<p>The snow broke my fall better than I expected, especially from the height I’d just leaped from. At first, I thought I’d come out unscratched and almost started laughing. Until I righted myself, and with the adrenaline fading, felt sharp, stinging pain shoot up from my ankle. </p>
<p>“Shit,” I hissed, clutching the snow hill that was now at my side to keep from falling. </p>
<p>“Finnick?” Katniss whisper-shouted down at me. “Are you all right?” </p>
<p>I didn’t want to worry her. “I’m fine! But hold on a minute.” </p>
<p>Making my way back up the snowbank, beneath the branch Katniss was clinging to, I stood at my full height, ignoring my screaming ankle. I didn’t want her getting hurt, too. My injury could easily be explained. But both of us injured would be suspicious.</p>
<p>“All right, come on. I’ll catch you.”</p>
<p>“Catch me?” I could barely make her out in the dim light, but I thought she was frowning. “I might hurt you, let me just jump and—”</p>
<p>“Hurry, Katniss!” I hissed, my tone urgent. Let her think there was someone approaching. Really, I just didn’t want her to talk me out of this. And my ankle was killing me.</p>
<p>The hurried words worked as I thought and down she came, right into my arms. I gripped her tight, trying to maintain my balance. For a moment, I’d thought I had succeeded, and then suddenly I was tumbling back into the snow. But that was fine. Katniss was okay, smiling, even. </p>
<p>“I can’t believe that worked!”</p>
<p>I tried to smile back, but winced instead, giving myself away. </p>
<p>“You’re hurt,” she said immediately, shifting off of me. “I knew you shouldn’t have caught me!”</p>
<p>“I was hurt before I caught you,” I confessed. “And it’s just a rolled ankle, I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Damn you,” she grumbled, standing and dusting the snow off of herself. Then she gave me her hand. “Come on, let’s get you to my mother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The walk took longer than it should have with Katniss carrying some of my weight, but she’d been patient, more so than I had been with myself. We went in through the back door off of the kitchen so I wouldn’t have far to go. To both of our surprises, there was already a group gathered there. Her mother and Prim, of course. Haymitch. And two Peacekeepers in pristine white outfits. </p>
<p>Luckily, I was used to quickly flipping my internal switch. “Well, well, I didn’t know we were missing out on a party,” I said, flashing everyone a dazzling smile. </p>
<p>Katniss laughed, and it almost sounded genuine. She was getting better at this. “And it smells like Prim is baking.”</p>
<p>“Yes!” the younger girl chirped, a bright smile on her face. Even Prim, then, must understand the situation. “Cookies. Peanut butter.”</p>
<p>“My favorite,” I said, and it actually wasn’t a lie. </p>
<p>The Peacekeepers stepped forward, having enough of the small talk. “Miss Everdeen, Mr. Odair,” the older man said. “We’ve been waiting for you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, for some time. Where were you?” the woman asked, not missing a beat. </p>
<p>“We had a picnic,” I answered, holding up the bag that now only had the empty thermoses and the sandwich wrappings. “Not quite in the traditional sense, though. Katniss was showing me around. It was quite the walk.” </p>
<p>“Can I have a look at that bag?” the man asked.</p>
<p>I shrugged and handed it to him. The woman glanced down at my foot. “You seem hurt.”</p>
<p><em>How observant,</em> I snided mentally. On the outside, I shot Katniss a sheepish look. She shook her head. “They don’t have ice in District Four,” she explained.</p>
<p>“Hey, we have ice!” I objected. “It’s just, you know, not on the ground.” </p>
<p>Everyone besides the two Peacekeepers laughed at that one. </p>
<p>Finding nothing in the bag and having no proof to disprove our stories, the interrogation ended. “We’re here to let you know your train is arriving earlier than expected. It’ll be here in an hour.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” I said, unable to hide my disappointment. “Well, all right then. Thank you. Sorry to keep you two waiting.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” the woman said, eyeing me with obvious suspicion. “Do try to be more careful next time.” </p>
<p>I understood the words for what they were. “Yes ma’am,” I said with another award winning smile. Mrs. Everdeen walked the Peacekeepers out. The tension went with them. Prim took her cookies out of the oven, which smelled heavenly, then turned to me. “Let’s see what we can do with that ankle before you have to leave.”</p>
<p>While Prim wrapped it up for me, Katniss went upstairs and packed my bag, returning a moment later. There wasn’t much in it to begin with. We spent the hour sitting close together on the couch, eating warm cookies, my foot propped up on an ottoman. No one spoke of what we’d really been up to before we’d gotten here. With Katniss, they had to have already known. Haymitch left not long after the Peacekeepers, mumbling something about <em>reckless children</em> under his breath. Eventually, it was just Katniss and I, the others giving us privacy in our final minutes.</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to go,” Katniss murmured, her head resting on my shoulder. </p>
<p>“I know,” I said, pressing my lips to the top of her head. “But we’ll figure out a way to see each other again soon, I promise. And until then, you still have my number?"</p>
<p>She smiled and tapped her head. The reminder that she had memorized it during those months after our first meeting made something stir in my chest. </p>
<p>“Good.” I kissed her forehead, a few spots along her jaw. “Don’t wait so long to use it this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katniss insisted on walking me to the train station, and considering my less than swell ankle, I couldn’t really refuse. It wasn’t a far walk, at least, from the Village. Despite my hobbling, I wished it hadn’t been so close. </p>
<p>I didn’t want to leave her, either. </p>
<p>We stopped as we reached the station, the train waiting for me as the Peacekeepers had said. Neither of us seemed to have the right words, so our lips met instead. I kissed her long and hard until my lungs couldn’t handle it. </p>
<p>“I <em>will</em> see you soon,” I promised her.</p>
<p>She hugged me so tight it hurt, but I didn’t complain. </p>
<p>The train whistle blew and I sighed. My lips pressed to the top of her head for a long moment before I murmured into her hair, “Be good, girl on fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I slept most of the train ride home. An Avox had to come wake me when we finally reached Four. She had a crutch with her and handed it to me as I stood. Her youth and beauty took me off guard; hair falling around her face in golden waves, hazel eyes that seemed to shift with the light. My stomach tightened with worry for the young woman, not much older than Katniss, along with the anguish that I could do nothing to stop what I knew was certainly happening to her.  </p>
<p>“Thank you,” I forced, and hurried as quickly off of the train as I could. </p>
<p>At home, I popped back more medicine for my ankle and spent a couple of hours with Mags and Annie before sleep tugged at me once more. I spent most of the next week in bed, both Annie and Mags insisting that my ankle needed it, Goose dutily settling in by my side. </p>
<p>Near the end of the week, I woke from a drugged sleep in the middle of the night, or rather the very early morning, to the electronic chirp of the phone. </p>
<p>“Hello?” I answered, not bothering to sit up, my voice groggy. </p>
<p>“We have a problem, Mr. Odair.”</p>
<p>The voice coming from the other end of the line was cold, precise, and absolutely unmistakable. I sat up so quickly Goose barked in alarm, my mind more alert than it had been in days. </p>
<p>I tried to keep my voice even. “A problem?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” President Snow sighed. “Your little girlfriend. She’s quite stubborn, isn’t she?”</p>
<p>This was a rare occurrence, a call from Snow directly. It had happened only once before. There was always someone in the middle, directing communication between us. I was gripping the phone so tight to keep from shaking that I thought I might break it. </p>
<p>“She can be,” I agreed, because it wouldn’t do to say otherwise and tell such an obvious lie. </p>
<p>“So stubborn, perhaps, that she believes she is above the law?”</p>
<p>Oh, god. “I don’t know about that.”</p>
<p>“Hm.” </p>
<p>For a long moment there was silence. My blood pounded in my ears as my mind scrambled to work out what was going on. </p>
<p>“Sir, you said that we have a problem?”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes. I’m afraid Miss Everdeen has caused a bit of a stir in her district, gotten the people rather riled up. I don’t think I need to tell you the trouble that could lead to.”</p>
<p>Of course not. It was the reason I’d been sent to parade as her lover. Provide a distraction to all of the districts from the spark of rebellion Katniss had shot through Panem during her Games. </p>
<p>“So you see,” Snow continued when I said nothing, “there must be something done about this. I’ve already sent in a horde of new Peacekeepers, but I’m unsure it will be enough.”</p>
<p>My mouth had gone dry. I desperately wished I hadn’t sucked down the glass of water on my nightstand earlier. <em>Think, Finnick, think.</em> “With all due respect, Mr. President, I’m not sure where I—”</p>
<p>“You’re her public lover, Mr. Odair. If something happens to Katniss, people will expect to hear from you.”</p>
<p>“If something <em>happens?</em>” </p>
<p>Snow chuckled. “Please, Mr. Odair, you’ve been here long enough to know the protocol. Really, Katniss Everdeen should already be dead. It should have been the boy that came out of the arena.” I was no longer shaking, but rather frozen still, unsure if I was even breathing. “Of course, killing her <em>now</em> might only make a martyr out of her, and we certainly don’t want that. There is that little sister she’s quite attached to . . .”</p>
<p>“Send her here!” The words came out quicker, harder than I intended them to, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Send her to Four.”</p>
<p>“And have her rile up yet another district? Mr. Odair, you cannot think—</p>
<p>I interrupted him, something I’d never done in my life. “That won’t happen here. It’s different in Twelve. I was there, I saw it. Those people, they’ve watched her grow up. They admire her, respect her. She has power there.” I paused, taking a breath, feeling myself running out of air as I hurried to get the words out. “But here, she’s just the latest Victor. They aren’t attached to her. I can make sure they get the right impression, make sure that they see her as nothing more than Finnick Odair’s newest little fling. There are Capitol people that visit here. We’ll make a show of spending time with them. Show them that she’s one of us.”</p>
<p>Us. The word felt vile on my tongue. Which made it the right one to say.</p>
<p>“Hm," Snow mused, so I continued, hating every word. </p>
<p>"Just send her here for as long as you must until the Peacekeepers get a handle on Twelve. By the time she gets back, the people will be so drained not even she could inspire them to step out of line."</p>
<p>For a few seconds that felt like hours, he was silent. </p>
<p>"Well, I admit, your argument is strong," Snow said finally. Relief relaxed my shoulders, but only for a moment. "Very strong. Have you been enjoying your time with Miss Everdeen?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Lie, lie, lie. I need a lie.</em>
</p>
<p>“She’s inexperienced, which makes her easy. I get to have my way with her. Who wouldn’t like that?” </p>
<p>Across from my bed, I could see my reflection in the mirror. The sight disgusted me. Snow only laughed. </p>
<p>“You’ve adjusted to this life well, just as I said you would. Expect the girl tomorrow morning.”</p>
<p>There was a click, and the line went dead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello!! some things. first, sorry this took so long to get out! things have been a little rough lately irl, but we're working through it. and second, bouncing off of that, i'm not sure if i'm happy with this chapter. it definitely gave me some trouble, so i'm sorry for having you wait so long for a kinda sucky chapter. also, i typically try to make each POV equal in length, but i'm p sure finnick's was a lot longer, oops. </p>
<p>anyway, i hope all is well with you lovely readers!! thank you for all the love that you've given this story so far, it truly makes my day every time &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re comfortable having this kind of conversation, Katniss?”</p>
<p>I spent the first two days after Finnick left moping around the house. It was a strange feeling, because I’d never felt so dependent on someone. The feeling had me out and about the third day, trekking through the snow to Mayor Undersee’s house to visit Madge. We were spread out on her bed opposite of each other so that her head rested on her pillow and mine at the foot of the bed. She had updated me on her family and I’d told her about the days Finnick spent here, minus the fiasco in the woods, which led us to where we were now. Madge was happy to listen to me babble on this odd but happy little relationship I’d found myself in, and I’d managed to, albeit awkwardly, mutter out that we had almost slept together. </p>
<p>“Why wouldn’t I be comfortable?” I asked, sitting up and crossing my arms over my chest, automatically defensive. </p>
<p>Madge laughed. “We’ve never even talked about kissing boys, Katniss, let alone <em>sex.</em>” She’d said it so easily, while I had flushed just alluding to it. Maybe she had a point. </p>
<p>“Why would we? It’s not like either of us have been having any.”</p>
<p>“Well . . .” Madge trailed off.</p>
<p>I raised a brow. “Well what?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “I have, actually. Had sex.”</p>
<p>My jaw dropped, almost cartoonishly. “What? When? With <em>who?</em>” Madge had never had any boyfriends that I had known about. I hadn’t been that out of the loop, had I?</p>
<p>“Two years ago was when it first happened. Every year, they have this conference in the Capitol that all the district mayors attend, and their families are invited. The kids all have rooms on the same floor, so naturally mingling happens. There’s this boy, Micah—”</p>
<p>I wrinkled my nose. “From District One?” Of course, I’d just met him the week prior during the tour. He seemed fine, I supposed, but we’d barely said more than a brief greeting. </p>
<p>“Oh, that’s right, you’d have met him. Well, yes. And I know, I know, District One, but he’s a nice guy.” She shot me a grin. “And very attractive, not that you would have noticed.”</p>
<p>She was right. My attention had been entirely elsewhere. </p>
<p>“Anyway, we met, talked for a while, and then went back to his room. At first it was just kissing, and then suddenly it was more. We hooked up once more that year, and we’ve continued to every year since.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” I said, shaking my head. All along I’d been assuming Madge was as inexperienced as I was. How very naive of me. “So are you dating him?”</p>
<p>Madge laughed. “Oh, no, no. We only see each other once a year, and we didn’t have a strong enough connection to even bother writing to each other. It was just a little fun. I think we’d just be hookup buddies even if we were in the same district.” </p>
<p>“Is there a reason you haven’t found one of those here?” I raised a brow. “I mean, someone to just have <em>a little fun</em> with whenever you want?”</p>
<p>She was quiet for a moment, fiddling with the ring she always wore. Her grandmother’s, she’d told me once. It was pretty in a vintage sort of way, worn from being passed down generation to generation. “It’s not easy being the Mayor’s daughter,” she said finally. “Which is a very privileged thing to say, I know. My life is very fortunate in so many ways, but not so much when it comes to dating. People here see me in a certain way. I suppose me being so quiet doesn’t help. But since I was young, they’ve always seen me as good little Madge, innocent and pure, pretty dresses and perfect hair, not to be touched. Like a doll.” </p>
<p>I nodded. Admittedly, I’d thought the same of Madge until I got to know her. She had been quiet just like me, which had naturally paired us together in school, even though on the outside we were quite different. Me with my hard edges and Madge with her soft curves. Opposites, almost, until we started talking and realized we had plenty in common. </p>
<p>Madge sighed. I shifted so my head was on the pillow beside hers. “I’ve just never gotten to really be me. Other people decided who I was before <em>I</em> even knew who I was, and I’ve gone along with it ever since.” She turned to me, forcing a smile. “It’s a minor problem to have, in the grand scheme of life.”</p>
<p>“Maybe so, but still a problem,” I argued, nudging her. “And it’s not too late to find someone, show them who you really are. Is there no one in Twelve you’re interested in?”</p>
<p>“Well,” she said, biting down on her lip. “There <em>might</em> be one boy. But it’s complicated. I mean, what do you do when someone shows interest, but you also know they like someone else?” Before I could answer, Madge shook her head and sat up, pulling me with her. “Enough about that, we’ve gotten off topic.” She grinned devilishly. “Let me be your guide, my friend, into the delicious world of sexual intercourse.”</p>
<p>Madge answered all my questions and then some. The conversation replayed in my mind on my walk home all the way until I settled into bed that night. She had stressed the importance of working up to things, <em>foreplay</em> she’d called it. But Madge didn’t think I had much to worry about.</p>
<p>“Honestly, you’re like the luckiest virgin ever. Finnick’s gonna know what he’s doing. I bet he’ll go down on you without being asked.”</p>
<p>My brows furrowed at that. “Go down on me?”</p>
<p>“You know, like oral.” When I still looked confused, she continued, “It’s when they use their mouth to get you off.”</p>
<p>“His <em>mouth?</em> Down <em>there?</em>”</p>
<p>Madge giggled. “Trust me, it can be better than the actual sex if he knows what he’s doing.”</p>
<p>I gulped. “And do I . . .”</p>
<p>“Take his dick in your mouth?” she concluded, apparently done sugarcoating. I winced. “Only if you want to. I’ve done it. It’s a little weird at first, but once I realized how much <em>he</em> liked it, I liked it, too. Sex is just as much about pleasing your partner as it is your partner pleasing you. But only ever do what you’re comfortable with.”</p>
<p>From there, I didn’t think I could get anymore red in the face. Talking about the actual sex part was somehow more mild than the build up, though there was a discussion on size that made me a little nervous. Especially when Madge had been adamant that Finnick must be, in her words, “packing.” I had thought that was all there was to talk about.</p>
<p>“One more thing,” Madge said as we both stood. It was getting dark, and with the various new Peacekeepers brought to the district lately, I wanted to avoid being out too late. “Can I be blunt?”</p>
<p>I rolled my eyes. “Have you not already?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “Okay then. Do you touch yourself?”</p>
<p>Perhaps I was now turning purple. “Madge!” I hissed.</p>
<p>“What? There’s nothing wrong with it. I certainly do, quite frequently.” I made a show of plugging my ears, to which Madge rolled her eyes. “Come on, Kat. You have to stop thinking about sex as something gross and embarrassing, otherwise you won’t enjoy it. So, do you?”</p>
<p>I sighed. She was probably right. “I have a couple of times.”</p>
<p>“Okay, good. Try it some more. The better you know yourself, the better you’ll be able to communicate what you want.”</p>
<p>This last part in particular was on my mind as I turned off the light on my nightstand and sunk under the covers. I listened to make sure there were no sounds of anyone moving about in the hall, then let my hand travel down, pushing the fabric of my nightgown to the side and slipping into my underwear. I found the little nub that Madge had said was key, slowly stroking with my middle finger. As each touch felt better and better, I began to imagine that it was Finnick’s nimble fingers doing the touching. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, I woke early and bundled up before retreating into the woods. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea considering what happened last time, but at worst, the snowbank was still there. And most importantly, it was Sunday, and there was someone else that needed to know.</p>
<p>He was already there by the time I reached the clearing, setting up for the day at our rock, just like always, even though many Sundays had passed since we’d met up at our designated spot.</p>
<p>“Haven’t seen you out here in awhile,” Gale said without looking up. Anyone else wouldn’t have heard my approach, but Gale and I were attuned to each other’s sounds, silent as they may be. “Did you need something?”</p>
<p>I shrugged. “I’m here to hunt.”</p>
<p>We moved soundlessly after that, just as we used to. Out here, we were two parts of one being. We belonged to the forest as much as the forest belonged to us. If Gale noticed me holding back more than usual, he didn’t say anything. I managed a few quick shots without completely panicking, and when I didn’t move to retrieve a kill, Gale took care of it automatically. By the end of the morning, we were back on our rock. Normally this was when we would divide the goods of the day between us, but I gave everything to Gale now. He wouldn’t accept my money, but he’d at least accept this. </p>
<p>“You shouldn’t come out here anymore,” I said finally. </p>
<p>Gale looked at me like I’d gone insane. “You can’t be serious. Is this why you came today?”</p>
<p>“The last time I was out here, they turned the fence on. I almost won’t be surprised if it’s on when we try to leave.”</p>
<p>He was quiet then, so I took the opportunity to explain what had happened, how Finnick and I had jumped from the trees, how his ankle suffered. I told him, too, what I hadn’t yet had the chance to. That Snow had been watching us, mocked me with our kiss, threatened his life. All through it, Gale was silent, a far off look on his face. </p>
<p>“Thanks for the warning, I guess,” he said after I finished. “But I can’t just stop coming out here. You should know that better than anyone.”</p>
<p>“You could, if you would just let me—”</p>
<p>“I don’t want your money, Katniss.”</p>
<p>“Damn it, Gale, stop being so stubborn!”</p>
<p>He laughed. “You’re one to talk.”</p>
<p>A moment of tense silence passed between us. </p>
<p>“So this is how it’s going to be now? You’re mad because I have a boyfriend?”</p>
<p>Gale winced the slightest bit. “It’s not that simple.”</p>
<p>“Then explain it!”</p>
<p>“I’m just tired of losing you!” he exclaimed. “For so long, it’s just been you and me. Partners in crime, literally. And now twice in one year, you’ve been taken away. First when you volunteered, and again when you showed up here with him.” He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You didn’t have eyes for anyone else.” </p>
<p>“And you want me to have eyes for you?”</p>
<p>Gale sighed and stood. “Maybe at first. But now? I just miss my best friend.”</p>
<p>I stood, too. “We can go back to what we had, Gale. Before the kiss, before the Games.” My voice was pleading. I didn’t know if it was him I was trying to convince or myself. </p>
<p>Gale shrugged. “Yeah, well, I guess we’ll see.”</p>
<p>He didn’t sound very optimistic. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fence, thankfully, was still off when we reached it. I didn’t know if Gale would heed my warning going forward, but he did slide underneath a little quicker than usual. </p>
<p>“Don’t go lingering around with that bag,” I warned him, and made my way back home. </p>
<p>I took a few minutes to change and wash the woods off of me before finding Prim. I had promised her a trip into town today, figuring we could use a good dose of sister time. Besides, there were some things we needed at home, and Prim could use a new pair of boots. We both bundled and, arm in arm, made our way to the town square. Even before we got there, something felt off. It was too quiet, especially for a Sunday. We hadn’t passed many people on our way here, which wasn’t normal. Then we turned the corner and walked right into the chaos. </p>
<p>There was a large crowd gathered around the square. Beyond that, there was yelling and people running, carrying boxes of items. I recognized them, vendors from the Hob, just before the building went up in flames. Even from the distance we were at, it was undeniable. The Peacekeepers had set the place on fire. </p>
<p>A loud <em>smack!</em> followed by a cry of pain took hold of my attention then. The crowd of people were wincing, gasping, some even shaking and crying. But my mind was replaying that sound of agony over and over. Prim’s eyes locked with mine, and we both knew. </p>
<p>“Go home, Prim,” I ordered, already trying to work my way through the dense group of people.</p>
<p>“But—”</p>
<p>“Home Prim, now!” </p>
<p>I waited just long enough to see her turn back in the direction of the Village before pushing myself through the crowd. Some people tried to keep me back, but I just shoved harder until finally I was at the front. Even though I knew what would be awaiting me, the sight still made my stomach turn. </p>
<p>Gale, his wrists tied to a post that hadn’t been there before, kneeling on the ground, his shirt ripped off of his back. Not that there was much left of his back. It was mostly a bloody slab of flesh now. Above him hung the turkey he’d shot this morning. I didn’t recognize the Peacekeeper with the cruel face that held the bloody whip, but already I hated him.</p>
<p>For a moment, I was frozen. And then the man lifted his arm to hit him again, and I was moving like lightning. I managed to step in front of Gale just in time, the end of the whip slicing my cheek. </p>
<p>“Stop!” I demanded. </p>
<p>Behind me, Gale was barely conscious, but he managed to groan out, “Don’t, Katniss.” </p>
<p>I ignored him. “Stop! You’re going to kill him!”</p>
<p>“Step aside, girl,” the Peacekeeper snarled. “This boy broke the law. He will face the consequences.” </p>
<p>“Thread, I think you’ve done enough for a first offense.” I hadn’t noticed Darius, the red haired Peacekeeper who often frequented the Hob and would certainly know this was not anywhere near Gale’s first offense. He had always been kind, would even joke around with people as he made his rounds. But in Twelve, even stricter Peacekeepers still bought game from us. They wanted to eat better, too. I realized then that Gale must have tried to sell to this Peacekeeper, not realizing the mistake. </p>
<p>The old ways were coming to an end. </p>
<p>The man, Thread, apparently, pushed Darius back, hard enough to make him fall. “It’ll be enough when I say so! You’ve been soft on these people. That’s exactly why Snow sent me to take control of this shithole.” He turned back to me. “Now move, girl, unless you want to be next.”</p>
<p>I shrugged. “Go ahead.” </p>
<p>The only thought in my head was to stop this man from hurting Gale. I didn’t know how much more he could take before the asshole killed him, and I would not allow that. </p>
<p>Thread glared, pulled back his arm, and was just ready to lash out when suddenly Haymitch was running in front of me. “Whoa, whoa, hold on now. Let’s talk about this.”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing to talk about,” Thread hissed. </p>
<p>“Do you know who this girl is?” Haymitch asked, pointing to me. “Katniss Everdeen, the latest darling of the Capitol?” That was putting it on thick, but I wasn’t going to argue.</p>
<p>“I don’t care who she is,” Thread said, though there was a slight hesitation in his stance now. So he truly hadn’t recognized me. </p>
<p>“You should! Now look, this was supposed to be a surprise, but she has a big interview coming up,” Haymitch lied. “She already has that cut on her face that’s going to be hell to cover up. Any more marks and Snow is going to be absolutely livid. You don’t want that, do you?”</p>
<p>Thread was assessing Haymitch, perhaps trying to figure out how much was truth and how much was bull. Regardless, he must have recognized Haymitch at least to let him get all this out in the first place, and maybe that would be enough to believe him. No one wanted to get on Snow’s bad side. </p>
<p>After what felt like hours, Thread stepped back and rounded up his whip. “Get this poacher out of here, and let him know if it happens again, it’ll be the firing squad.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Haymitch said, then turned to help Bristol and Thom, Gale’s friends from the mines who had stepped forward, lift him up. No one needed to say where to take him. My mother was just about all Twelve had. Only then did I notice Prim, who’d been standing further back and now rushed to my side. So she must’ve been the one to get Haymitch.</p>
<p>“I already told Mom what to expect. Come on.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Back home, my mother and Prim went to work on Gale, who was splayed out on a table. Haymitch and Thom were still there, but they left enough room for me to pace back and forth. Bristol had gone to let Gale’s family know what happened and watch the kids so his mother could come down. </p>
<p>I had thought, hoped, that Gale had just blacked out so he wouldn’t have to feel the pain, but his groaning had proved otherwise. “You have to give him something stronger!” I pleaded with my mother. “He’s in pain, can’t you hear him?!” </p>
<p>“Katniss,” my mother said, using the same voice she used on a patient’s frantic family members, “you need to calm down. You’re not helping like this.”</p>
<p>I let out a cry of frustration just as a loud banging came from the front door. Fear replaced my panic. Was Thread back, here to finish Gale off? To arrest me and Haymitch? Thom went to get the door, and it was not a Peacekeeper, but a panicked blonde girl with snow in her hair and a bag in her shaking hands. Madge. </p>
<p>“Please,” she said, handing the bag to my mother. “Give this to him. It’s from the Capitol.”</p>
<p>My mother opened the bag and peered inside. “Morphling?” she guessed. Madge nodded. </p>
<p>Morphling, the strongest drug there was for pain. Madge must have taken some from her mother’s supply. But I couldn’t understand why. Was she doing this because she knew Gale was my friend? </p>
<p>Gale groaned, which only seemed to make Madge panic more. “Please!”</p>
<p>“Yes,” I said, finally finding my words. “Give it to him, Mom. Quick.” </p>
<p>As my mother prepared the shot, Gale reached his hand out. Automatically, I stepped forward. He was trying to say something, trying to call out for me, I assumed. </p>
<p>But it was not my name that passed his lips. Instead, he mumbled something that sounded like, “Princess.” </p>
<p>Madge turned in his direction and stepped closer. Responding to it. For a moment, she looked at me, guilt written on her face. And then she turned back to Gale, taking his hand. He squeezed hers for what didn’t seem like the first time. Madge brushed a strand of hair off of his forehead. “You’re an absolute idiot, you know,” she murmured to him, and I could’ve sworn Gale smiled. </p>
<p>My mother finally injected the morphling. It took less than a minute for the effects to show. Gale’s muscles finally relaxed and his head slumped to the side. Madge said it should keep him asleep for a while, which would allow Prim and my mother to finish working on his back without putting him in more pain. </p>
<p>The sound of the front door opening and closing made everyone freeze, but it was only Hazel, looking as frazzled as any mother would in this situation. She came to me first, hugging me tight and murmuring her thanks. Bristol must have told her what had happened. To my surprise, she went to Madge next and hugged her, too. Madge asked if the little ones were taken care of, and Hazel assured her Bristol was with them. <em>What the hell?</em> </p>
<p>Madge reluctantly let go of Gale’s hand, letting Hazel take her place. Our eyes met and she nodded towards the living room. Haymitch snickered as I followed her out. I shot him a glare. </p>
<p>In the living room, Madge and I stood in awkward silence. Her words from yesterday came back to me then. <em>But it’s complicated. I mean, what do you do when someone shows interest, but you also know they like someone else?</em> She had basically told me right then and there. </p>
<p>“Are you mad?” Madge asked, breaking the silence. </p>
<p>I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’m mostly just shocked. I didn’t even know you guys talked to each other beyond the occasional strawberry sale.”</p>
<p>Madge shrugged. Her eyes were on the floor, not meeting mine. “We didn’t. Not until your Games. I guess we just connected over that. I mean, we didn’t even like each other as <em>friends</em> at first. I don’t even know when things started to change.” </p>
<p>“So, he’s the boy you <em>might</em> like?” I couldn’t help the sarcasm in my voice. Her feelings seemed pretty obvious to me. </p>
<p>She covered her face with her hands. “I’m a horrible friend.”</p>
<p>I almost agreed, but stopped just before the words slipped out. How often had I seen Madge after my Games? Not once until I had the obligatory visit after my tour. How often had I seen Gale? Not much, certainly nowhere near I used to. Could I really find fault in my friends finding comfort in each other when I had shut out the world? And it’s not like I wanted Gale in a romantic way. No, I should be thrilled that he was moving on. Because then maybe we could save our friendship. Suddenly, I was laughing. </p>
<p>Madge peeked out at me from behind her hands. “Are you having some kind of breakdown?” </p>
<p>I only laughed harder. “I’m not mad. I’m relieved. Seriously, this is great!”</p>
<p>She dropped her hands completely, looking hesitantly hopeful. “It is?”</p>
<p>“Yes! I don’t like Gale like that. Obviously I have Finnick. Gale moving on is perfect.” I paused then, biting my lip. “But, is this going to make things weird between us?”</p>
<p>Madge was smiling now. “Absolutely not. I’m going into this knowing the situation. If he can’t get over you, then it’s his loss. But no way will I let him, or any man for that matter, come between us.” She took my hands in hers and squeezed. “Nor do I intend to be anyone’s second choice, no offense.” </p>
<p>I laughed. “None taken.”</p>
<p>The relief lasted for only a moment before reality came crashing back down. There were more knocks on the door, people bringing in their loved ones, or themselves, for my mother’s assistance. Soon the house was filled to the brim with injured people. Everyone abled was helping, even Haymitch, even if it just meant preparing meals or grabbing extra blankets. My mother and Prim worked nonstop. It was nearly midnight before things quieted down. Hazel had gone home to the children, but Madge had taken her spot next to Gale, holding his hand while he slept. I was ready to find someplace to settle down for the night when there was another knock at the door. I held back a groan, tempted not to answer, but knowing I’d be filled with guilt if I didn’t.</p>
<p>When I opened the door, a Peacekeeper stood on the other side. Fear gripped me for only a moment, for the woman simply handed me a note and left. I watched her go, then closed and locked the door, leaning against it and taking slow, deep breaths. Despite the attempt to calm myself, I ripped the envelope open like an animal. Inside was a small white card with my name on the front. The message, neatly written in elegant script, was not long. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Your train arrives at ten in the morning. Pack for warm weather. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>C.S.”</em>
</p>
<p>C.S. Coriolanus Snow. </p>
<p>He was sending me to Four. </p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>Finnick</em></strong>
</p>
<p>The leg of my good foot bounced as I sat on a bench at the train station. Katniss’s train was scheduled to arrive in ten minutes, though I’d already been sitting here for twenty, just in case. My ankle had healed enough that I didn’t need the crutch anymore, though I had fashioned a walking stick out of a fallen tree branch, just in case I needed the balance. </p>
<p>After Snow’s phone call the previous night, I hadn’t been able to fall back asleep, but instead spent the hours until daylight coming up with scenarios of what had happened in Twelve. What had happened to Katniss. Impulsive as she may be, I just couldn’t think of something she would purposely do to cause any trouble, not when she was so ferociously protective of her loved ones. </p>
<p>Mags had found me sitting on the porch swing with a mug of untouched coffee in my hands. As much as I needed the caffeine, my mind had been too scattered to drink it. She sat beside me, her small body barely moving the chair. It was early — the sun had not even risen yet. Mags gave me a look that asked her question for her.</p>
<p>“Snow called,” I said, and her brows pinched together in immediate worry. I shook my head. “No, not for that. I’m still client-free for now.” Her head tilted, her instinctive fear fading, but concern remained. With a long sigh, I finally took a sip of my coffee, then explained what I knew.</p>
<p>For a while after that, we sat in silence together, rocking softly as we watched the sun rise. There was nothing to say, but Mags had squeezed my hand as if to tell me everything would be all right. I could only hope that was true.</p>
<p>The sound of the train whistle shook me from my thoughts. I stood as it came to a stop, clutching my walking stick so hard I’d probably end up with a splinter. As the doors opened and Katniss walked out, the first thing I noted was how tired she looked. Apparently she hadn’t done much sleeping, either. She wasn’t looking at me, wasn’t really looking anywhere, so I made my way to her. Reaching out, I gently took her hand in mine. Finally her eyes seemed to have a destination as she looked up at me. I think she tried to smile. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said, so quiet I barely caught it. “I guess I wasn’t good.”</p>
<p>I was confused until it hit me, my parting words to her in Twelve resurfacing. <em>Be good, girl on fire.</em></p>
<p>Sighing, I pulled her into my arms, letting my stick fall so I could hold her the way I wanted to, pressing her tight with one hand and rubbing her back with the other. “None of that now,” I said, just keeping her close for a moment, before finally pulling away after pressing a kiss to her hair. “Let’s get home, hm? I think we could both use some more rest.” </p>
<p>The house was quiet when we stepped inside. Annie must have taken Goose out for a walk, and Mags was likely taking her afternoon nap. I pulled Katniss into my room and together we settled on the bed. She burrowed into me as I pulled the covers over us. I thought she might start talking then, tell me what happened, but instead she was quiet. As much as I wanted to know, I didn’t want to push her, either. So we stayed there, wrapped up in each other. I don’t know which one of us fell asleep first. </p>
<p>We woke around dinner time. I left Katniss in my room to make us up some sandwiches, bringing them back so we could eat them in bed. I thought that she might start talking during our meal, but again there was only silence. When she finished, she curled underneath the covers once more. I felt at a loss. There was nothing I could do to make this better. Pressing a kiss to her hair, I told her I was going to take a quick shower. When I returned, hair damp and a pair of sweats loose on my hips, she was asleep again. </p>
<p>Katniss woke a few hours later. I was sitting up beside her, my reading glasses perched on my nose, continuing the novel I’d been in the middle of. Finally, she broke the silence. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.” </p>
<p>I sat my book down, nodding towards it. “Only when I’m reading.” I brought my hand up to take them off, but Katniss reached out to stop me. She was looking at me as if she never had before. Once she had her fill, she took off the glasses for me. </p>
<p>She wasn’t looking at me anymore when she said, so quiet I almost missed it, “You haven’t asked.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to push you.”</p>
<p>“But you want to know.”</p>
<p>I frowned, but didn’t respond. We both knew the answer. </p>
<p>Katniss let out a shaky sigh. “I didn’t know what else to do.” The story came out then in bits and pieces. Sometimes she spoke fast, other times she had to stop and breathe. I’d pulled her into my arms and kept her there the whole time, letting her get it out the way that she needed to. The chaos she described made even me uneasy. The Hob bright in flames, her dearest friend beaten and bloody, terror everywhere, and then spending the night housing the broken. No wonder she was so torn up. I should’ve known that the only thing that would push her to defiance would be her loved ones. </p>
<p>For a while after, she was quiet. I gently brushed my fingers through her hair, murmuring that everything would be okay. More likely than not, that was a lie, but now wasn’t the time for hard truths. </p>
<p> “I’m scared,” she whispered. </p>
<p>I pressed her tighter against me. “Let’s try to think this through logically,” I said, attempting to sound more confident than I felt. “He didn’t kill you, Katniss, he sent you to me. Anyone else in your position would be dead.” She winced, but we both knew it was true. “And he hasn’t killed your family, either. If he was going to, he wouldn’t have sent you away, he’d want you there for it.” Perhaps it <em>was</em> time for hard truths, after all. But I was coming to a conclusion that I should have a long time ago. “He’s scared of you, Katniss.” She made a sound that indicated I was speaking nonsense, but I shook my head. “No, he is. He <em>can’t</em> kill you. It will only make you a martyr. He can’t kill your family, because then he has nothing over you. You’d only become more of a problem for him.” The more I spoke, the more I believed it. I pulled back and cupped her face, grinning. “He can’t touch you, Katniss.”</p>
<p>She frowned. “You really believe that?”</p>
<p>“I know it. You have to remember, I’ve been at this longer than you. I know how Snow operates.” Leaning in, I pressed my lips to the base of her throat, slowly making my way up her neck. “My darling, he’s absolutely terrified of you.” I nipped at her ear. “As he should be.”</p>
<p>Katniss pressed her hand to my chest and pushed me away, rolling her eyes. “You’re ridiculous.” But she was smiling, maybe starting to believe it herself. Her hand stayed in place, though, then slowly began to move, fingers tracing the lines of my chest as if she had just realized I wasn’t wearing a shirt. “You’re so . . .” she started, but didn’t finish.</p>
<p>I tilted her chin up with one finger so that our eyes met. “So what?”</p>
<p>She shook her head, opened her mouth, then decided a nonverbal answer was sufficient. And once her lips were on mine, I had to agree. I quickly lost track of the minutes, so I had no idea how long we’d been kissing when she pulled back and purposely rolled her hips against mine. She’d managed to hit just the right spot and it took all my strength not to rip off all her clothes right then and there. Her voice was breathy as she whimpered, <em>“Please,”</em> and there was no holding back then. In one motion, I had her on her back beneath me. In the next second, I was pulling off her shirt. Maybe I should have gone slower, but we’d had so many <em>almosts</em> that my patience was worn. Easily, I found the clasp of her bra. With so much practice, I would get it undone easily, too. But first, I brought my eyes to hers, silently asking for permission. She sucked in a breath, then nodded. I moved slower now, gently. The clasp, one strap, the other. I met her eyes once more, holding her gaze as I lifted the piece off of her. My eyes moved down slowly, taking in every little detail of her face, the lines of her collarbone, the curve of her shoulders. And then, finally. </p>
<p>I had to suck in a breath; I’d memorized so much of her that seeing something new was better than I could have imagined. My hands found her shoulders, slowly moving down until my fingers were brushing along her breasts. First the sides, then underneath, and finally over her nipples, which were already hardening into small peaks. Beneath me, I felt every jerk and jolt of her body, and it was electrifying. “You are magnificent,” I breathed. I could wait no longer. Focusing on the left breast first, I dragged my tongue from the top to underneath, then bit down on her nipple, hard enough to toe the delicious line of pain and pleasure. Katniss gasped. Glancing up at her, I grinned. Her face told me all I needed to know: she liked it. Returning my attention to the now fully erect peak, I began to suck. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Katniss moaned, arching into my mouth. As I worked, my eyes shot to her face once more. She looked surprised, either at my actions or the way her body was reacting, probably a mix of both. The prospect of showing her all the ways I could pleasure her had my body thrumming with ecstasy. I hummed around her tit, which led her to give in and drop her head back as she moaned once more. </p>
<p>I had just begun to give the opposite breast the same treatment when the door flew open.</p>
<p>“Finny,” came Annie’s panicked voice. </p>
<p>“Shit,” I hissed as I reeled back. Katniss immediately grabbed the covers and ducked underneath them — all the way underneath. If Annie had registered the scene she’d walked into, she showed no sign of it. </p>
<p>“Finny,” she said again. I had just enough time to stand before she was crashing into me. Automatically, I wrapped my arms around her. </p>
<p>“Annie, we’ve talked about <em>knocking.</em>” She’d never walked in on me and someone else, but she had walked in on me helping myself. It was fine when we were dating. Back then, she’d usually just help finish me off. But after we broke up? Not so much. </p>
<p>She ignored me. “I had the nightmare again.”</p>
<p>I sighed. Of course. The nightmare that, out of all nightmares, wrecked her the most. Probably because it wasn’t just a nightmare, it had actually happened, in some capacity at least. “It’s okay, Annie, I’m right here,” I murmured, rubbing her back. I looked back at my bed. Katniss had emerged from the covers just enough to peer out from them. <em>I’m sorry,</em> I mouthed. Once I confirmed my ankle was steady enough, I scooped Annie into my arms and carried her from my room to her own. We settled into her bed and she clung to me once more while I murmured words of comfort into her hair. <em>You shouldn’t be doing this anymore,</em> a voice in the back of my head nagged. But how couldn’t I when I was the cause of it all? </p>
<p>It had to have been at least an hour before Annie fell asleep and I was able to carefully untangle myself from her. After confirming I hadn’t woken her in the process, I made my way back to Katniss. She was sitting up in bed, her shirt on once more — though I couldn’t help but note she’d left the bra off — and was reading the book I’d had earlier. </p>
<p>I sat beside her and sighed. “I’m sorry, Katniss.” </p>
<p>“It’s all right,” she said sincerely. “I’m sure Snow will want me here for at least a week. We have time.” </p>
<p>“Right,” I murmured, and stretched out, letting my head fall back against the pillow. </p>
<p>Katniss waited until she finished the chapter she was on, made her own progress mark, and set the book aside. “Can I ask you something?” </p>
<p>My gut told me what was coming. “No.”</p>
<p>“No, I can’t ask you something?”</p>
<p>I shook my head. “The answer to your question is no. No, Annie and I haven’t always been just friends.”</p>
<p>Katniss, at least, didn’t bother pretending that wasn’t her question. “When?”</p>
<p>“We started dating when we were sixteen, stayed together until we were twenty-one.” </p>
<p>I heard her suck in a breath. “Five years.” </p>
<p>“Yes,” I said quietly. “But—”</p>
<p>“Five years is a long time,” she continued. “Did you think that you were going to . . .”</p>
<p>“Marry her?” I guessed. Katniss nodded. I wanted to lie, but settled for the truth. “Yes, I did.” </p>
<p>She covered her face as she sunk into the mattress. “How didn’t I see this?” </p>
<p>“Katniss—”</p>
<p>“How can I compete with someone you were going to <em>marry?</em>”</p>
<p>“Katniss,” I sighed. I tugged on her hand until she finally looked at me. “Don’t you see? There’s no competition. Annie and I have been broken up for three years.” I could see her ready to argue, so I continued, “And yes, we’re still close. But that’s because she’s family. And I know I probably need to draw more lines between us now that I have you, and I will, but I’m all she has. Me and Mags, that’s it, and it’s my fault.”</p>
<p>She frowned. “What do you mean it’s your fault?”</p>
<p>It was my turn to cover my face. “Her being reaped was no accident.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>The bed shifted. For a panicked second, I thought she was leaving, but she had only pressed closer. “That’s not your fault, Finn.” Before I could argue, she shook her head. “No, don’t try to say otherwise, it’s not. You can’t keep blaming yourself for these things, Finnick. It’s not on you.”</p>
<p>Moving my hands so I could look at her, I managed a small smile. “There’s no point arguing with you, is there?”</p>
<p>“None at all.”</p>
<p>“Then will you at least believe me when I say I’m all yours?” </p>
<p>Katniss bit her lip, stubborn to the core, but after a moment she gave in. “Okay.”</p>
<p>I tugged her closer and kissed her, soft and slow. When I pulled back, it was only to move my lips to the shell of her ear. “Do you remember that promise I made to you the night of the party? At my apartment, in my bed, when you were practically <em>begging</em> me to fuck you?”</p>
<p>Katniss shivered. “Yes,” she breathed. </p>
<p>“Tomorrow, I intend to make good on it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>fun fact, i wrote katniss's POV the day i posted the last chapter. then wrote finnick's, well, a month later. the writing process is something, folks</p>
<p>i hope you enjoyed this chapter! please let me know what you think and as always, thanks for all the love &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sooooo long time no see?</p><p>i'm back with a fairly long chapter full of ✨smut✨</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Katniss</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>When I woke, the other side of the bed was cold.</p><p>Frowning, I squinted into the sunlight that was streaming in from the window. It was open just the slightest, letting in a pleasant breeze, not too warm, not too cold. Swinging my legs off the side of the bed, I stood, stretching out my limbs. A glance in the mirrored closet door revealed my neat braid had turned messy overnight, yesterday’s clothes I’d slept in rumpled. </p><p>Throwing open the door, I found the bag I’d brought along on the closet floor. To my surprise, an outfit was already waiting for me. I didn’t recognize the pieces. Worn jean shorts, a navy hooded sweater that judging by the size had to be Finnick’s. That made me smile. On top of those, however, was what I could only assume was a proper swimsuit. We didn’t have them in Twelve. Technically, there was no reason to. When I swam in the lake in the woods, I did so in varying degrees of clothing, depending on who I was with. </p><p>The suit was simple. Black in color, the fabric appearing to be new. He must have purchased it specifically for me, unless the Capitol had sent it themselves. Really, it looked like underwear. Two pieces, a bottom piece and a top. I understood then that this must be meant to replace those pieces, worn under the clothes in the same fashion. </p><p>With a shake of my head, I changed into the suit. Closing the closet door, I looked myself over in the mirror, impressed by how well it fit if not slightly horrified by how much skin it showed. I knew this was normal in Four; the first time I’d come, there had been people dressed similarly. But it was so foreign to what I was used to. So much exposed skin. </p><p>I turned to the side. The bottom piece shaped well to the curve of my butt. And it showed more than I realized, too.</p><p>Blushing, I slide the door open once more, grabbed my bag and the other clothes, and hurried into Finnick’s bathroom. As nervous as I was to be in public in so little, other thoughts had come to mind, too. The little stretch of beach that Finnick said was always empty. Watching his reaction as I stripped myself of the shorts and sweater. His hand fitting even better than the swimsuit to the curve of my ass—</p><p>I took a very cold shower. </p><p> </p><p>When I stepped into the kitchen, hoping to find Finnick there, I was met with Annie instead. She sat alone at the table with a cup of tea and an open journal, pen in hand. She seemed to take no note of my entrance.</p><p>“Good morning,” I offered. Still, she did not look up from her notebook. Giving up, I decided to search for breakfast instead. I was about to slice some bread to toast when finally she spoke.</p><p>“He brought you breakfast.” With her pen, she indicated a small brown bag that sat on the table, then went back to writing. Inside was a muffin that seemed to be baked with bananas and various nuts. I grinned as I sat down and took a bite, sighing happily. On the train, I’d told Finnick how much I loved the sweet fruit, but that it was rare to find any in Twelve. </p><p>“Is Finnick here?” I asked between bites, but Annie didn’t answer, too lost in her own mind once more. I didn’t mind the quiet. Save for a select few people, it was how I preferred to sit with company. </p><p>I finished the muffin sooner than intended, wishing I had more of it. Unsure of what to do, I took note of the dishes in the sink. A few minutes later, I had it filled with warm, soapy water. I found the rag used for washing and got to work. I was a guest here, after all, it was the least I could do. Mags came into the kitchen at some point, offering a warm smile that I returned. I had only a couple dishes left to dry and put away, asking Mags — who sat at the table nibbling on berries — when I didn’t know the placement of particular dishes, when Finnick walked in, Goose on his heels. His smile was bright and his hair wind blown. Our eyes met and his smile grew wider. </p><p>“Are you cleaning?” Finnick asked, amusement in his voice. He pressed a kiss to Mags’ cheek and gave Annie’s shoulder a soft squeeze before making his way to me. </p><p>I shrugged. “Um, yes?”</p><p>He laughed just for a moment, and then he was kissing me. I was surprised he’d be so open in front of Mags and Annie, but then his tongue ran along my lower lip and forgot everything that wasn’t him. </p><p>It was much too soon for me when he pulled away, but wise considering our audience. I snuck a peek around him. Annie hadn’t seemed to notice. Mags was looking at Finnick, smiling. </p><p>“Sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up,” Finnick said, returning my attention to him. “I had a few errands to run. Did you enjoy your muffin?”</p><p>“I mourned the last bite.”</p><p>Finnick grinned. “Good,” he said. Then, lower so that only I could hear, he murmured, “I like seeing you in my clothes.” He tugged on the sweater. </p><p>“Then how wonderful that it mysteriously found its way to my bag this morning,” I murmured back. </p><p>“Wonderful indeed.” Reaching around me, Finnick dried and shelved the last remaining dishes. “Are you feeling well today? I have quite the day planned.”</p><p>I think I would have nodded even if I wasn’t feeling well, too curious about what he had planned. </p><p>“Excellent.” Finnick put the last dish away, then stepped over to Mags. He leaned down to her level, murmuring something that I couldn’t hear. Then he came back and took my hand. “Shall we?” </p><p> </p><p>I wasn’t surprised when we ended up on the beach, only a little disappointed that he hadn’t taken me to the more private stretch from before. In fact, the place was crowded with what seemed to be locals and Capitol vacationers alike, the latter not even bothering to hide their looks in our direction. One woman even came up to us, gushing about what an adorable couple we made. Relief flooded me as soon as we were away from her, and Finnick must have seen the look on my face.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” he said, squeezing my hand. “We’re not staying here, only passing through.”</p><p>Our destination was not the beach then, nor on land at all. </p><p>“A boat?” I said as we walked on the wooden structure where a variety of them were stationed. Some were old and tiny, others were massive and very clearly Capitol made. As we walked, Finnick explained that some of them were for visiting Capitol citizens, others were provided by the Capitol for fishing purposes, the way mining gear was in Twelve. Very, very few of the boats actually belonged to District Four citizens. If they did, most kept them elsewhere. </p><p>Finnick was one of the exceptions. </p><p>It wasn’t too large, but certainly Capitol made. Fancy, with a motor and everything. He stepped on first, then held out his hand for me to grab. Immediately, I felt the difference and clung tightly to his hand. Finnick chuckled. “You’ll get used to it.”</p><p>Finnick helped me into my seat before taking his behind the wheel. There was more to explore on the boat; below us was a small seating area that led into a private cabin, and I could see Finnick had set up something there. <em>So that’s what he was doing,</em> I thought. But he wanted to get us out on the water first, away from any prying eyes, and I had to agree. </p><p>“This will be a bit loud,” Finnick warned, then started up the boat. Even with the warning, I jumped. He laughed. With one hand on the wheel and the other on my thigh, we drove off from the dock. </p><p>The feeling was still rather foreign to me. I could count the times I had ridden in a car on one hand, yet alone a boat. But it was also incredible, so much different than a car. The wind whooshing around us, the occasional spritz of water, and nothing but the open ocean in front of us. <em>Free.</em> I felt free. </p><p>I slipped out of my sweater, letting it rest in my lap instead. Finnick had said I’d need it tonight, but that I might get a little warm in the early afternoon. He’d teased with mischievous eyes that I was very welcome to take it off. I’d rolled my eyes at him, but he would have to win this round. Tipping my head back, I relished the feeling of the sun soaking into my skin, the salty air filling my senses. </p><p>When I opened my eyes, Finnick was looking at me. “God, Katniss.” He shook his head, turning back to the water. “You are an absolute vision.” </p><p>Soon, we came to a stop. Looking around, the only boats I could see were far dots in the distance. “I can’t believe this is allowed,” I murmured, shaking my head. “Someone could just . . . keep going.” </p><p>“It feels that way,” Finnick said, standing and helping me do the same. “But there are checkpoints. You can only get so far. The boats used for fishing are always supervised by Peacekeepers.” </p><p>He led us to the seating area, where I was happy to sit once more. On the table was a basket with lunch for us later and a bottle of champagne, chilling in a bucket of ice. “Wow.”</p><p>Finnick offered a sheepish smile. “Too much?” </p><p>I laughed. “No, no, it’s just . . .” I trailed off, lost for words. </p><p>“I get it. The first time I came out here, I couldn’t believe it either.” He sighed. “But this boat didn’t come without a price.” Finnick tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. </p><p>“Oh,” I said, feeling my stomach drop. “Snow gave you this? For . . .?”</p><p>“Yes.” Finnick pinched the bridge of his nose. “For clients.” </p><p>“Oh, Finn.” I stood, taking his hands. “We don’t have to—”</p><p>“No, no,” he said quickly. “I want to be here with you. This boat is gorgeous, and I want to have a good memory here. Does that make sense?”</p><p>“It does.” Standing up on my tiptoes, I pressed a kiss to his cheek. I would do whatever I had to do to make sure he got that. </p><p> </p><p>Finnick stood in front of me in only his shorts now, which I hadn’t realized were made for swimming, too. Sucking in a breath, I pushed out of my shorts, leaving me in only my swimsuit. His eyes on me felt warmer than the sun. </p><p>“I think it’s a little unfair that I’m basically in my underwear and you still have shorts on,” I grumbled, even though my own eyes couldn’t get enough of his bare chest, golden in the sunlight. </p><p>“Is that so?” Finnick came so close, I felt his breath on my face. His lips brushed the shell of my ear as he spoke. “I’d join you, but I’m afraid I have nothing else under these shorts. Is that what you’d like to see?” It had yet to get cold, but I was shivering. “Mm, no. I think I’ll save <em>that</em> show for later.” </p><p>Finnick pulled back, smirking at me with dark eyes. Then he turned and dove into the water with the grace of a bird in flight. </p><p>I had asked him to jump in first, a little nervous myself. Sure, I swam well in the lake back in Twelve, but the ocean was different. Now, I was glad that I had gotten to watch him. I realized I hadn’t yet seen him swim, but he was effortless. It was as if the water parted for him, recognizing one of its own, rather than Finnick needing to do it himself. He was so beautiful. </p><p>Realizing I hadn’t jumped in after, Finnick looked back, quirking a brow. </p><p><em>Now or never,</em> I thought. I sucked in a breath and jumped. </p><p>Under the water, my first thought was that I couldn’t see the bottom. I knew I wouldn’t, but knowing and seeing were two different things. My eyes were already stinging. So different from the lake in Twelve. I resurfaced with a gasp, wiping at my eyes. When my vision cleared, I saw Finnick beside me, grinning. </p><p>“Okay?” he asked. I nodded, and he pulled me close. “Good.” Then his lips were on mine. I let my hands tangle in his wet hair, my body pressed to his. We’d never had less clothes between us before; even though the water was cool, I felt heat everywhere his skin touched mine. </p><p>I was so distracted that I didn’t notice his hands moving to my shoulders. He pulled away for just a second. I took in his smirk and knew what was coming next, knew I’d be too late to stop him. Pushing down on my shoulders, he dunked me easily, then swam away. I came up with a curse on my lips. </p><p>“You’ll pay for that!” I called and heard his distant laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Back on the boat, we lounged on the lower deck, snacking on hard cheeses, cold cuts of meat, fresh fruit, and sweet, bubbly champagne. Out here, it was easy to forget about everything else. Finnick pulled me into his lap.</p><p>“Do you like it?” he asked. </p><p>I didn’t know if he meant the boat or the ocean, but the answer was the same. “It’s perfect.” His smile was proud. “Hand me a strawberry?” I asked.</p><p>Finnick reached easily to the bowl of fruit, but instead of just handing it over, he shot me a grin before sticking the berry onto his finger. Then he brought it to my lips. Our eyes met, a challenge in his. I hesitated for a breath before meeting it. Opening my mouth, I wrapped my lips around the fruit and sucked it clean off his finger. The sweetness of the berry mixed with the salt of his skin was a taste I never knew I wanted. Finnick licked his lips. I barely finished swallowing before our mouths met, the heat between us hotter than the air outside. </p><p>“God, Katniss,” Finnick murmured against my lips, then moved to suck at the base of my throat. I groaned, rolling my hips against him. He let out something that sounded like a snake’s hiss; I took it as a good thing. Finnick’s hands moved down my sides, to my waist, then slowly, slowly, brushed along my thighs. “Please,” he said, voice ragged, “may I touch you?”</p><p>Somewhere inside me were the nerves that would make me hesitate, but they were easily overpowered. We’d been building to this moment and I didn’t just want it anymore, I needed it. “Please,” I breathed. </p><p>His eyes locked with mine, green as dark as the forest. He didn’t look away as he pushed aside my swimsuit bottom and stroked exactly where I was craving. </p><p>“Oh!” I cried, arching into his touch. I’d experimented with touching myself, but this was so much more. </p><p>Finnick grinned. “Tell me exactly where you want me, Katniss. How you want me to touch you.” He experimented with different spots, different strokes. </p><p>“There!” I practically yelped. And then, when he moved at just the right speed, just the right pressure, “Like that, exactly like that.” I wasn’t in control of my body after that; the moans that fell from my lips, the jerky movements of my hips. Then, just as I was approaching the edge, he stopped. “No, please,” I whined like a child. </p><p>Finnick chuckled. He seemed to be enjoying all of this just as much as I was. Still in his lap, I could feel him, hard against my ass. “Soon, my love. I just want to try something first.” His finger moved and then he was <em>inside.</em> Slowly, he moved in and out, repeating the motion. After a few strokes, it felt good, though not as good as what he'd been doing before. “All right?” he asked. I nodded and he added another. </p><p>“Oh,” I said, not as much from pleasure but from discomfort. </p><p>Finnick stopped moving, but kept the two digits inside. “This will help, for later.” </p><p>I understood then. This was preparation. I shifted my hips, really feeling him against me. <em>Packing</em> Madge had guessed, and she appeared to be right. </p><p>Eventually, I adjusted, and pleasure returned. Finnick even managed a third, though that was harder to get used to. But admittedly, the mix of pain and pleasure wasn't the worst feeling, either. “Fuck, Katniss, if you could only feel yourself.” He nipped at my ear and brought his touch back to where I wanted it, moved how I wanted. “Do you like that, Katniss?” I was beyond speech, so I only nodded. “Of course you do. But just you wait until I get my mouth on you, when it’s my tongue on your clit instead.” </p><p>I whimpered at his words. To my surprise, they pushed me closer to the edge. “Yes, yes.” I held my breath as the pressure rose and rose and rose until finally it burst, my breath with it. Finnick continued his motions as I rode out the wave of pleasure. After, I melted like putty in his arms, trying to even out my breathing. </p><p>“My god,” Finnick whispered, tracing the line of my jaw. “You are perfect.”</p><p>Laughing, I shook my head. “Isn’t that my line?”</p><p>He shook his head right back. “I’ve been waiting to watch you come apart like that.” I blushed, burying my head further in his chest. Finnick tightened his hold on me and stood. </p><p>“What are you doing?” I asked, automatically clinging to him. </p><p>“We’re going back,” he said simply, climbing up and depositing me in the passenger seat. “I've decided the first time I fuck you is not going to be on a boat.” </p><p> </p><p>Finnick had to help me more than I would have liked getting off of the boat, partially from the adjustment from sea back to land, and partially from the effects of the orgasm that I could still feel between my legs. My face was hot as we walked past the beachgoers, thankfully somewhat diminished in numbers, as if they would all take one look at me and just know what we had been up to. I had pulled his sweater over me before leaving the boat. It was big enough on me that it reached past my ass, much to my self-conscious delight. If I wouldn’t look utterly ridiculous, I would have pulled the hood over my head to cover my face, too. </p><p>Beside me, Finnick walked easily in nothing but his swimming shorts. Though with a body like that, I supposed it wasn’t difficult to be confident. <em>You don’t know that,</em> my own voice mentally hissed at me. <em>His body has brought him plenty of harm.</em></p><p>Even though I was far from cold, I shivered. </p><p>Once we were in Victor’s Village once more, I relaxed. But to my surprise, Finnick wasn’t leading us in the direction of the house. </p><p>“Where are we going?” I asked, confused. I didn’t want to sound desperate, but I had been under the impression we’d be going straight to his bedroom. </p><p>Finnick looked down with dark eyes and a devilish grin. “I do intend to make you scream, Katniss,” he said, as casually as if he were speaking on the weather. I made a small choking sound and heat pooled between my legs once more. “Mags may be hard of hearing, but she’s not completely deaf.” </p><p>“But—” I started, and stopped just as quickly, because Finnick was pulling us up to a house and I remembered: of course, he had his own Victor’s home, too. </p><p>I didn’t know what I expected walking inside, but it wasn’t such a normal looking home. A family home, not that of one man and his dog. A framed picture hung in the foyer, and I walked up to it slowly, taking in the sight of a much younger Finnick. A pair of smiling parents. A girl, even younger than Finnick was in the photo, with the same green eyes. </p><p>“Oh,” I said softly, and then Finnick was tugging me away. </p><p>“We can go through the whole house later, if you want,” he offered. “But doing it now will absolutely spoil the mood, and I’m quite tired of that, aren’t you?” </p><p>For his sake more than my own, I nodded and let the image of the picture float from my mind. For now. </p><p>Finnick led us upstairs and into the first bedroom on the left. I was a little relieved to see that this room reflected the current Finnick, and he seemed to have already cleared any sentimental photos, if there had been any. He had been here this morning too, then. Preparing. He hadn’t been lying when he said he was finally going to make good on his promise. The thought sent a little thrill down my spine.</p><p>It was the last thought I had before Finnick shoved me against his bedroom door and crushed his lips to mine. </p><p>From there, we became a mess of hot kisses and roaming hands. Finnick tugged his sweater off of me, my hands pulled at his hair. He sucked roughly on my neck, my fingernails left scratches down his back. Eventually we made it to the bed, and his lips trailed my body. When he reached my breasts, his deft fingers quickly had me out of my bathing suit top. His tongue dragged over the stiff peaks of my nipples, his mouth sucking, his teeth biting, until I was mewling underneath him. Finnick’s lips continued across the expanse of my ribs, down to my stomach. When the fabric of my bathing suit bottom became an issue, his eyes flashed to mine, seeking permission. </p><p>I nodded. </p><p>Before he took to remove it, he let his lips continue over the sensitive skin of my inner thighs. I felt hot and cold all at once, and I had to remind myself to breathe. </p><p>Then, with what could only be practiced ease, he had me completely bared to him. I expected to feel shy, to feel the itch to cover myself. But I felt fine, even as his greedy eyes took in the sight of me. In fact, I <em>wanted</em> him to see me. All of me. </p><p>And I wanted to see all of him. </p><p>Before I could say it, Finnick inhaled deeply and met my eyes. His expression was devilish once more. “You cannot possibly know how much I’ve been aching to do this.” </p><p>I barely had time to remind myself to breathe before his mouth was on me, and then there was no point in catching my breath. My hips bucked as I let out a cry of both surprise and pleasure. His tongue was on me, on my <em>clit,</em> and then he was sucking, and it was so much more than I had been able to do with my own hand. I wasn’t thinking as my thighs clenched together, only feeling. A moment later, Finnick nipped at the skin of my inner thigh. I let out a small yelp, though it wasn’t entirely unpleasurable, and jerked my legs open. </p><p>Finnick looked up, grinning. “Sorry, love, but I do need to breathe down here.”</p><p>“Oh,” I said, my voice high and breathy, unrecognizable to even myself. “Sorry.”</p><p>He shook his head. “Don’t be. It <em>would</em> be one hell of a way to go.” Then his head dipped down once more, and I once again became a being no longer capable of intelligent thought. I moaned and whimpered underneath him — and put in an effort to keep my legs open. </p><p>“I’m so . . .” I trailed off eventually, feeling as if I stood on the edge of the world once more. </p><p>“Good,” Finnick hummed. “Take it, Katniss. Come apart for me again.” His tongue dipped inside of me, while his thumb found my swollen nub once more, moving in hard, fast circles. It was more than enough. </p><p>I leaped from the edge with Finnick’s name on my lips. </p><p>“Yes,” he growled against me, apparently liking the sound. He continued to lick me until the tendrils of pleasure subsided and I stopped shaking so much. My body felt heavy, sated, and Finnick wasn't even fully naked yet. </p><p>Finnick returned to me, his mouth glistening. He kissed me and I tasted myself on his tongue. Once I might have thought even the idea of it gross, but now, in this haze of pleasure, the filthiness of it only sent desire pulsing through me once more. </p><p>“I didn’t know it was possible to feel this good,” I whispered against his lips. </p><p>Finnick nibbled at my ear and murmured, “And I’m not nearly done with you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Finnick</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>For a moment, I worried I had done too much too quickly — she seemed entirely numb underneath me. I was about to offer that we didn’t have to go any further tonight when her small, warm hands raked down my body, stopping where the fabric of my swim shorts began. Katniss looked up, a question in her eyes, and I nodded. She took a steadying breath and slowly, so slowly I thought I might combust, began to tug the piece down. </p><p>Finally, she had the shorts down past my hips, and my swollen cock sprang free. I let out an appreciative moan, but when my eyes sought out hers, I found she wasn’t looking at my face.</p><p>Not that I could blame her.</p><p>I knew this was all new to her, and while she had probably glimpsed male genitals in the past, it certainly had not been in this setting. I watched her face as she studied me. Her eyes were wide, but I couldn’t tell if she was impressed or terrified. Katniss mumbled something under her breath that sounded a lot like <em>packing.</em></p><p>My brows raised in amusement. “What was that?” </p><p>She ignored me. Instead, her hands slowly moved across the length of my thighs, closer to my throbbing member, and I shivered in anticipation. She was a frustrating tease, and she didn’t even know it. </p><p>Her fingers were so close to reaching me when she stopped, her eyes darting up to me once more. “Can I—” she started, and in desperation, I cut her off.</p><p><em>“Please,”</em> I practically growled. I was used to being the one that drew things out in the bedroom, to make clients beg for my touch. Being on the other side was pure torture. </p><p>A beat passed as she still seemed unsure, and then her fingers delicately brushed down my length. Her touch was feather light, but still I let out a low groan. It took everything in me not to buck against her hand, to find the friction I craved. </p><p>Her light touches continued as she explored; a finger dragged over my slit, slick with want, a light brush over my sack, her hand wrapped around my length, careful not to squeeze. But that was exactly what I wanted. </p><p>“Katniss, please,” I groaned. “I need more.” </p><p>Her dark, lust filled eyes finally met mine. “Um.” She cleared her throat, looking nervous. “What exactly does more entail?” </p><p>Of course she wouldn’t know. What better way than to show her?</p><p>She still had her hand wrapped around me, so I simply let my own hand cover hers. “Like this,” I said, and squeezed, forcing her hand to do the same. A groan passed my lips, but it still wasn’t enough. Grabbing her wrist, I took her hand from my length and pressed her palm to her mouth. “Spit,” I instructed.</p><p>Katniss gave me a wary look, but a moment later, she spit. </p><p>“Good girl,” I hummed, a slip up, really. It was a phrase I only used in the bedroom, and I doubted stubborn, rebellious Katniss would like it. But she still only looked at me with those eager, slightly nervous eyes, and I realized she <em>wanted</em> my approval. My cock throbbed in response. </p><p>I guided her hand back to my member. With my hand cradling hers, I said, “And now, like this.” Then I moved our hands up and down my length, from base to tip, starting slowly but quickly gaining speed. When I felt she had the motion down, I removed my hand and let her do the work. Though helping her jerk me off had been more of a turn on than I cared to admit. </p><p>Katniss picked up the technique seamlessly. When her hand grew too dry, she brought her palm to her mouth and spit once more before returning to her ministrations. Above her, I was becoming a mess of moans and loose bones, barely able to hold myself up. In no time at all, an orgasm threatened to take me. </p><p>“Stop, Katniss, stop,” I said, my hand flying to her wrist, ceasing her motions. </p><p>She frowned, biting her lip. “Did I do something wrong?”</p><p>I leaned down to kiss her worry away. “You did everything right,” I reassured her. “But if you kept that up, I was going to explode all over you, and I’d much rather save that for the grand finale of our night, hm?” As a reminder, I took hold of my length and dragged my tip along her center. </p><p>Katniss’s breath hitched, and desire read so clearly on her face.</p><p>“That is, if you still want that,” I added, raising a brow. </p><p>She nodded quickly. “Yes, yes.”</p><p>“Good,” I murmured, and kissed her again. “Because I’ve been thinking about how good you’re going to feel for much too long now, and I might have perished if I had to wait a moment longer.” </p><p>For a while, I just kissed her. Slow and sweet, with devious bites every now and then. My hands ran down her body, and hers mine. We melded together like burning wax figures, becoming one. Only when we were both relaxed but desperate for each other did I position my tip at her entrance. </p><p>“Remember to breathe,” I murmured into the skin of her throat. “We’re going to go slow, and if you ever want me to stop, just say the word.” </p><p>Katniss nodded. </p><p>With a gentle nudge, I slipped the head of my cock inside of her. We both let out shuddering breaths. Slowly, I worked my way further in, inch by inch, breaking to let her adjust. My lips stayed busy to keep her relaxed, kissing along her neck and licking at her tits. Then finally, she murmured, “All the way.” I didn’t have the discipline to double check. With one fluid stroke, I gave her everything. I let out a husky moan; Katniss hissed, her fingernails digging into the skin of my shoulders. </p><p>When her hips jerked against me, I took it as a sign to move. My pace was still slow, but we had a rhythm now with long, full strokes. “Fuck,” I moaned. “You feel so good. You’ve already got me on the fucking edge.” It had been so long since I had done this with someone of my choosing, and my body was absolutely getting off on it.</p><p>Katniss grinned, pleased with her ability to draw out my pleasure. Looking down at her made it even harder to hold back. I’d never seen her look like this, skin glowing from two orgasms, yet still so <em>hungry</em> for more. I needed to get her to meet me at the finish line if I had any hope of holding out. My hand had just begun to climb down to the space where we were joined when suddenly her expression changed, her wild, hungry eyes going wide. “Stop!” she cried, pushing at my chest. </p><p>I was drunk with pleasure, but still I found the strength to pull myself away from her. My eyes scanned her body quickly as I sat back on my heels, trying to find the source of her sudden mood change. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” </p><p>Katniss sat up, her breathing scattered, and shook her head. “No, no. I just — I didn’t think. I can’t believe I’d be so careless!” </p><p>She was mad at . . . herself? </p><p>“I don’t follow.”</p><p>“We can’t do this. We can’t risk it. I let myself get so carried away, I wasn’t thinking straight!”</p><p>Sure that her problem wasn’t with me, I crawled back up to her and took her hands in mine. “Katniss, love.” I gave her hands a squeeze. “What on earth are you talking about?”</p><p>Katniss let out a slow breath. “I can’t risk getting pregnant.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>I couldn’t help myself. Laughter bubbled out of me. </p><p>She frowned, her brows pinched. “It’s not funny!” She snatched her hands out of mine. “I wouldn’t have risked it even if I wasn’t a Victor, but now that I am, it’s even more important. Do you know what he’d do to a child of mine? Of both of ours?”</p><p>I was still laughing, and she was only getting angrier, so I quickly took her hands again, holding them tight when she tried to pull back. “Katniss, I wouldn’t risk that either.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“They give me a shot every few months, keeps me sterile. Snow couldn’t enjoy the perks of whoring me out if I was running around bearing hundreds of children in my wake, could he?” </p><p>“A shot,” she repeated.</p><p>“Yes,” I chuckled. “And my last one is still in effect. Nothing to worry about.” I pushed her back down onto the bed, trailing my lips along her jawline. “Sorry for laughing. You just scared me for a minute there, and I was relieved.” </p><p>“S’alright,” she murmured, her body relaxing underneath my lips. I watched her defenses fall away, and she let out a small, relieved laugh of her own. “Well then, I’m very glad we don’t have to stop.”</p><p>I grinned. “Is that so?” Slowly, I teased her folds, dragging the tip of my cock through them without entering. </p><p>Katniss let out a lazy moan. “Mm hmm— <em>oh!” </em></p><p>Without warning, I had slid into her. Hard. I set a faster pace this time while my thumb sat between us, circling her clit. Katniss was gripping my hair so tight I thought she might come away with a few strands. The look on her face was pure ecstasy, her eyes closed and head thrown back. Below me, her hips were bucking to meet mine. She seemed to be relishing in the fact that we could do this without worry. I had anticipated our first time together to be sweet and slow, but instead it was wild and sometimes rough, and we were both drinking it in. <em>That’s how she likes it,</em> I realized as I thought about the marks she had surely left on my back, her moans every time I took her skin between my teeth. </p><p>I didn’t allow myself to think about what else she might like, or I would be done for. Needing to get her there, I circled my thumb faster, increased the pressure. I could see she was getting close by the way she kept forgetting to breathe, taking in little gulps, mewling each time she exhaled. </p><p>“I’m almost there,” she whimpered, sounding almost guilty. </p><p>“I know,” I said. “That’s what I’m aiming for.”</p><p>“But you haven’t—”</p><p>“Don’t worry about me,” I told her quickly, my rhythm becoming less steady the closer I got. “I’ll be following you right after.” </p><p>I don’t know if she’d been seeking that permission, but two hard strokes later, she was unraveling beneath me. Watching her come undone — her breathy moans, the way her back arched with such force, the wild movements of her hips, looking for any final friction she needed as she rode out her release — was enough to send me spilling into her. But it was the feel of her that really got me.</p><p>The last two times she’d come, I’d felt it on my fingers, my tongue. But feeling her walls clamp down on my aching cock was beyond my own expectations. My own messy moans joined hers, and our hips clashed in abandon. I filled her with stream after stream of my release, and I kept pumping until both of us had come down from the high. Like a dead fish, I plopped down beside her. </p><p>Katniss slowly opened her eyes as her breathing settled, still looking half dazed. Experimentally, she dipped a finger between her legs, returning with a glob of my release on her fingertip. Her eyes met mine, and I grinned sheepishly. It had been a long time since I’d come that hard, and I knew the result was dripping down her thighs. I wasn’t sure what I expected her to do, but it certainly wasn’t to lick her finger clean. <em>Who was this girl and where was my intimacy-wary hunter? </em></p><p>Unconsciously, I let out a growl. “If you hadn’t completely drained me, I’d be preparing to fuck you again after watching that.” </p><p>She let out a little <em>hum</em> that seemed to even surprise her. Our eyes met and she bit her lip. Quietly, shyly, she said, “I think I like sex.” </p><p>I laughed and pulled her into my chest, kissing her. <em>There’s the shyness I expected.</em> She seemed to be able to really let go in the moment, less so when she was back in her head. In time, I hoped to bring more of that wild girl out, until she no longer blushed saying the word <em>sex.</em> “Good,” I murmured against her lips. “Because I plan on taking you every chance I get.” She nuzzled into me, letting out another content <em>hum. </em></p><p>Pulling away was the last thing I wanted, but eventually I forced myself to rise out of bed. Katniss frowned and tried to pull me back, but I snuck out of reach with a laugh. “Where are you going?” she whined, but I ignored her. When I returned, it was with a glass of water in one hand and towels in the other. I gave Katniss the former, and she drank greedily. Meanwhile, I cleaned her up with the towels, then did the same for myself. Tossing the filth covered rags in the corner, I climbed back into bed. She didn’t hesitate to curl into my arms. I pulled the covers over us with a lazy sigh. </p><p>“Are you hungry?” I asked into her hair.</p><p>“Sleepy,” she answered, sounding halfway gone already. </p><p>I couldn’t argue with that, wiped out myself. She fell asleep first, but soon we were both out, our naked bodies flush and sated. </p><p> </p><p>When I woke, it was the middle of the night and Katniss was still snoring beside me. Carefully, I untangled myself from her grip, pulled on my boxers, and slipped into the kitchen. I’d already planned on making dinner, so the ingredients were prepped and ready. I got to work, humming an old song my mother used to sing around the house. She had loved cooking, too, and it was from her that I had learned everything I knew, learned to love it even when we hadn’t had the access to the best ingredients. She had been a wizard, making meals full of flavor out of so little. After I had won the Games, we’d been able to afford any spice or cut of meat she wanted. Her food was one of the only things that had brought me some kind of joy the hard months after the arena. She’d started making different sweets that she’d bring to me in the night, after I woke screaming from yet another nightmare. <em>I miss her.</em> I always did, but the sensation squeezed my chest particularly hard just then, and I had to close my eyes until the tears subsided. </p><p>Some time later, I was too caught up in the easy groove of cooking to hear Katniss come up behind me, though I suspected I wouldn’t have heard her regardless. The girl was quieter than a mouse. I startled as her arms wrapped around me from behind, adding just a little too much pepper to the dish I was stirring. </p><p>“Oops, sorry,” she said, her head peeking around the side of me. She was too short to see over my shoulder. </p><p>“It’s all right,” I promised, giving one of her hands that rested on my chest a squeeze. “It’ll just have a bit more of a kick.” </p><p>“Mm, I don’t mind a kick,” she murmured, resting her head against my back while I finished mixing in seasonings. <em>I could get used to cooking like this. </em></p><p>I turned to her when I finished, taking in the sight of her messy post-sex hair and still swollen lips. She was back in my sweater, and it was just long enough to cover her ass. I couldn’t help myself. “Are you wearing anything under that?”</p><p>Katniss grinned. “No.” </p><p>Groaning, I pushed her away. “You are going to be the death of me. Go set the table, little nympho.” </p><p>She laughed, moving to grab plates. “I’ve had sex once, I think that hardly makes me obsessed.” She’d said it casually, but there was still that flush on her cheeks. </p><p>“Yes, but you had sex with <em>me,</em> darling,” I said, curling my words with the seductive purr I used in the Capitol. “All it takes is one time.” </p><p>Katniss groaned in annoyance, but I could see from the way she was standing that she was squeezing her thighs together, too. I smirked watching her, pleased. </p><p>After the table was set and the food dispersed, we sat and ate a quiet dinner together. We shared a bottle of wine, the sweet kind that Katniss liked, drinking straight from the bottle. I’d made us a shrimp pasta dish in a creamy sauce and was much too delighted when she ate up every bite. Saving the dishes for later, I pulled her upstairs after we finished, stopping only to grab a fresh bottle of wine. </p><p>“Don’t get comfortable,” I told her as we entered my room. Katniss watched me with a confused expression as I pulled on a sweater, but said nothing. I took an extra blanket from the hall closet next, then led us up to the attic. </p><p>“What’s up here?” she asked.</p><p>I turned to her with a grin. “The window.”</p><p>It took some convincing, but after I had climbed out and showed her the little spot on the roof, Katniss joined me. Most of the roof was slanted, but there was a small section that was perfectly flat that I had discovered the year my family died, when I’d constantly looked for places to hide myself away. The attic window had the perfect access to it. </p><p>We snuggled under the blanket, passing the wine back and forth. There was just enough room that we could stretch out and look up at the stars. </p><p>Out of nowhere, I asked, “Would you have children, if you weren’t a Victor?” I don’t know why I did, but suddenly I wanted to know. </p><p>Katniss quirked a brow, but answered without question. “No.” </p><p>“Even if you had money?” She shook her head. </p><p>“I couldn’t bring children into a world like this. A world with the Games.” </p><p>“What if there were no Games? No Capitol, no Snow?” It was a dangerous question that every cell in my body reacted to. <em>No Games. No Snow. No clients. Just this, just us. </em></p><p>Katniss snorted. “Gale asked me the same thing. It doesn’t matter, it’s never going to happen.” </p><p>“You don’t know that,” I said, more defensive than I’d intended. </p><p>She hesitated, then shrugged. “Maybe not. But the odds have never worked in my favor.” </p><p>“There’s always time for change,” I said, followed by five words that could get me hung. “There could be a revolution.”</p><p>Katniss laughed and snuggled back into me, resting her head on my chest. Clearly, she didn’t put much weight into my words. Or at least, she didn’t show it. But she had to feel it as much as I did. Wasn’t that what Snow had been so worried about? What they had tried so hard to suppress on her Victory Tour? </p><p>
  <em>Why did we try to suppress it? </em>
</p><p>“Well," she said, "you get back to me when the revolution happens.”</p><p>We stayed out there for a while longer, until the wine was gone and it was too chilly to enjoy the stars anymore. As we climbed back in and settled into bed, I still had revolution on my mind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so hi! it's been a hot minute! basically, i took a break back in the fall because in november i did nanowrimo, so i was focusing on my novel. then in december i just took a whole ass writing break. and any writing i've done since then, which isn't much, has been for my novel. I'M SORRY. balancing writing original work and fanfic is not easy apparently?? </p><p>anyway, i wanted to write smut and i'm not at a point for that in my WIP so HERE I AM! i'm gonna try to be better at balancing shit and being consistent with this fic again. please let me know your thoughts!! xx</p><p>also if you see typos in this because i reviewed it half asleep at 1 am, no you didn't</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>